Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: This was quite an intriguing first chapter. I think you've really nailed her with an interesting protagonist, some quite beautiful descriptions that tells us so much and the clear palpable tension you've established in the place. Its very well done.
Anyway let's get right to it,
I've sold my life to work, to have a purpose.
I miss my family- even if they don't care for me, I thought to myself as I got up from the dirty ground of the harbor. The pale moonlight slightly shining from the shadows of the night accommodated my blind eyes as I could see the blue waters crash against the wood below me. It was a nice sight and I always thought landscapes looked better at dusk since I could see them more clearly.
Oooh this is a lovely spot of description to start us out here. Really painting a rather vivid picture. And quite an intriguing picture too at that. This certainly doesn't seem to just be your typical sort of walk that just about everyone has. I'm excited to see where this is going.
I made my way up and out of the harbor, returning to the trail of my home I didn't belong in. My mind thought about many things when I walked back home, the thoughts scattered along my brain like: /"What time is it?", "Do I still have time?" "Will my mother be angry when I walk through the door?"/, things I could not answer at the moment. When I got home, my train of thought was interrupted, and I dared to walk through the door of my front home after being at work for so long. My mother was in the kitchen, cooking at such a late hour- but not one word came out of her mouth nor a glance towards me. I didn't bother talking to her since I knew she'd ignore me, instead, I hung up my coat and walked through the short hallways of the house to call out to my siblings.
OOoh this is quite an interesting moment. Once again I really love the descriptions that you've brought to life there to portray this return here. The interaction with the mother is also really intriguing here. There is definitely some tension there before everything is then directed right for the siblings. You definitely get the sense there's something to think about there.
When I slid the door open to my sister's room, I was met with a dark silence. She was not home.
I shrugged, sliding the door open to my brother's room. I was met with the same silence and darkness. He was not home.
/Ryuhei must be at work since I overheard from Mother that he'd gotten his first job./
/For Chiyoko, I do not know./
Sighing, I walked through the hallway and entered my office. My table was cluttered with books, journals, papers, and knick-knacks. I didn't notice it before, but I was all too tired to clean up. I simply sat down on the floor in front of my desk, hunching over as the table was too low for my stature. I narrowed my eyes, clearly bothered by the light my lightbulb emitted from above so I got up and turned it off.
This is once again lovely how much you tell us through the simple details about how these rooms are all empty despite them being what this person beelined o and then of course the state of their own room. Definitely raising even more questions know about the mother and the situation of this household in general. I'm very excited to see how this first chapter ends.
/Much better./I rested my head on my crossed arms that were placed on the table, staring to my side I saw the shelves of documents, books, and boxes of things I didn't even know what were. All in one medium-sized room, not even a large space. I heard the crickets and bugs outside of my open window, buzzing and chirping loudly almost as if they were next to my ear.
The rain outside was soft and I could hear it barely hitting the wooden walls of my home. Slowly but surely I started to grow drowsy. My eyelids fluttered, coming to a stop eventually until all I could hear was nothing.
I did not dream that night.
Well that is quite the ending here. After all of these suspicious moments our protagonist seems to think that rest is the only option and just settles down amidst what seems to be a surprisingly calm environment despite all that happened and it seems has quite the powerful sleep if that last statement is anything to judge by.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall its a powerful start here. Lots of questions raised and lots of intriguing details to note all around. I think you've done a wonderful job here setting up this story. I look forward to seeing what comes next.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Kate
Points: 317314
Reviews: 4431
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