E - Everyone

Close Walls- Chapter 5

The buzzing lights had finally settled into a softer hum when the sound came again — that sharp, metallic click of the lock turning. My whole body tensed before I could stop it. Charlie’s hand hovered near mine, steady and alert.

“She’s back,” he whispered.

The door opened just a crack at first. Then it swung wider, and the woman stepped inside. She was holding a black shiny tray with some food on it.

Charlie was shaking his head. ''Don't take the food.''

But I was really hungry. I don't know how long I haven't eaten (the last thing I ate was my mother's oatmeal) and my stomach growled rather loudly.

The woman’s eyes flicked toward me at the sound, but she didn’t say anything. She just stepped forward and placed the tray on the metal table.

On the tray there were mashed potatoes, maybe. A piece of chicken and a cup of water.

The woman straightened up, her expression unreadable. “I’ll be back later,” she said. “Try to eat.” She turned toward the door, her shoes silent on the floor. The lock clicked again when she stepped out.

Charlie hovered beside me. “You don’t have to eat it,” he whispered. “We can figure something else out.”

I slid off the bed slowly, my legs shaky. The room felt colder with every step I took toward the table. The food looked harmless. Ordinary. But everything in this place felt wrong, even the things that were supposed to be normal.

I reached for the fork.

Charlie watched, tense and silent.

I lifted a small bite of potatoes, hesitated, then brought it to my mouth.

It tasted like nothing.

Not good. Not bad. Just… empty.

Like the room.

Like the clothes.

Like the sky outside the window.

But it was still food, and I was hungry. I ate the mashed potatoes with gusto and then moved onto the chicken. It was a bit dry, like it needed some kind of sauce to make it taste better. After, I finished eating I drank the water. It was a bit warm.

Charlie hovered close, his expression tight. “Does it taste weird? Do you feel dizzy? Anything?”

I shook my head.

“Food can be dangerous here,” he muttered, pacing in a small, agitated circle. “Everything can be.”

But nothing happened. No sudden pain. No strange fog in my head. No collapsing to the floor. Just the same humming lights and the same too-clean air.

I did start to feel sleepy though. My eyes were drooping, my head becoming heavy, and all I wanted to do was rest on the bed. I could hear Charlie talking to me, but I couldn't hear him.

I laid my head on the bed and tried to think of good things. 

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Tikaya
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Tikaya wrote a review · Tue Mar 24, 2026 8:21 am

Oh that is an excellent first paragraph! Sets the mood really well!

I also like how the moment the narrator starts eating, the experience is described in bold. It feels like layers of meaning! It probably means that something is indeed wrong with the food and that we should have listened to Charlie. That said, I like how you went out of your way to make us understand why the narrator has to eat this.

And I think the reason why MC got so sleepy can be chalked off to just the exhaustion of being trapped here for so long. But at the same time, the food do be suspicious…

I like the chapter ^^ I just wish the last sentence would be a bit more specific on what “good things” are according to the MC.

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Messenger
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Hiya dove! Saw you posted more tonight so I thought id stop by for a nighrcap.

But I was really hungry. I don't know how long I haven't eaten (the last thing I ate was my mother's oatmeal) and my stomach growled rather loudly.

"Dont" should be didn't to keep it in past tense.

[Quote]On the tray there were mashed potatoes, maybe. A piece of chicken and a cup of water[/quite]
I dont get the "maybe". Can she not see? Do they not look like.mashed potatoes? I might add a bit more of a description on why it's questionable. Are they funny colored? Soupy?
And then, the period makes the second half a fragment instead of a full sentence.

This was a but of s reprieve whixh feels good as a reader concerned about her.
I do wish we could get a bit more info on Charlie. What does he look like? If he's a manifestation of something it could be a great opportunity to give it some sort of personification. If he's floating does that mean he's just a human looking thing, or does he have wings?

And then the bold lettering. Im trying to find a pattern in it, but it seems random. Somerimes it's Charlie speaking, sometimes it's things happening, and sometimes like here it's just describing the taste of mashed potatoes.

~Messy



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