Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
The heartbreak I’m chasing is almost certain
you will never love me the way you loved her
like the marlboros you constantly insist that I quit
no good can come from me breathing you in
So why do I continue to bare mind body and soul
all though each time I feel myself growing a little more cold
I have to, you’re dangerous
everything you do you’ve done well
It’s no wonder with a swift kick that I fell
Whats wrong with you?
This man is not capable of love.
So long as he’s stuck on the girl that gave him up.
But I lose it,
I loose it in the nights that we dance like noones watching
or mid kiss when you claim that grapes taste just like this
I lose it when I ride you and you tell me you missed me
or when you say go slow, and I can feel you completely
I’m lost after those few nights we spent talking on the phone
Words of sex, our days, and what we do when we’re alone
I find some of me when I look at you,
It’s curious I know, but still it is true
Your passion, and fearlessness for life is infectious
Surrendering, I’m forced to soak you in
Will I regret this?
Even now, its passed midnight and here I lay
writing of the ways you’ve made your stay in my brain
No man has ever slain me the way that you’ve conquered
The intimidation is heavy, and something unknown
Run, desperatley I just want to run home
I can not stay just for the fun, the laughs, the behaviour you condone
Instead I take these infant like steps
one, two, stumble, fall
as I lay face down, wondering is this all?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Wow!!
This poem is fantastic. I love your writing style!! Your descriptions are amazing. I thought your word choice was very well thought out, and it was very appropriate. Your title really caught my attention... I was curious. It, along with the actual poem, were very original, which I appreciate because a lot of the time, people (including myself) get caught up in the cliches of love and its complexities. I feel like you have a way of pulling your audience into the story and making them feel empathy, which is an AMAZING quality to have. There are a few grammatical errors, but they are very minor. Other than that, I truly enjoyed your poem!
I hope to read more of your work soon!!
~ FearlessLove4
Thank you so much! This really means a lot! I was so nervous to share but Im glad that I did, made my day!
Hello,
I was completely enthralled by this poem. It is absolutely wonderful. You did an excellent job of conveying the deep ache in your heart, as well as the fervent passion you have towards him. You made me feel as if I was the one who was hurting, so great job on your choice of wording. You had a couple of grammatical errors here and there, but I often find the same thing with most of my pieces. Overall, this is a wonderful literary work!
Keep up the good work,
Mia
Thank you!! Im so pleased to hear you were able to feel all my feels lol! xo
Hi,
I like the title its original to me at least because people usually say chocolate kisses or something else but that is good. The poem really spoke to me because your in love and you would do anything for the one you love even if it hurts and you showed how a person who is alone and desperate to feel the same love again. Reread over your work to make sure that there is no error but we all aren't perfect but just a little reminder. You have a great imagination because your description is nice how you worded it and made it worth reading. Overall it was good. keep writing.
Thank you! Picking a title is always difficult, but after he said that to me in the back of my head I thought "wow, I've never heard that before, I just fell even more in love with you, now I need to write about it." lol
Heya, Gravity here for a review!
Happy writing!
So I really enjoyed this poem. Love poems are something that have been quite overdone in the past, but I do like this. I can feel the longing in your heart through this piece, and that's what makes the best love poems. The one that makes the reader feel as if it's their heart that's been broken, not the author's.
Now, there were tons of spelling and grammar mistakes here. I think you really just need to go through and edit, but some of these mistakes were made over and over again. Like when you say "I loose it," it should be "I lose it." Because saying "I loose it" is saying you're loosening something or letting it go.
In the last few lines, "I can not", "cannot" should be one word. Or in one line you use the word "Desperately" but it's spelled wrong. There are just so many of these spelling mistakes. And ordinarily I wouldn't point this out, but it was distracting and since you make these mistakes more than once, I felt it important to tell you.
Anyway, I really liked your rhythm, I liked that you didn't seem to be rhyming just to rhyme, you made it rhyme because well... it just felt right. I wish you had separated this into stanzas but at the same time I like it just the way it is.
Anyway, this was a great poem, just be sure to work on spelling
XOXO,
Gravity
Thank you so much, I really appreciate your review! I have been out of school for a few years now so I know my spelling and grammar are not up to par, I will be sure to work on that. Again I really appreciate your kind words, sharing this poem was difficult, I haven't shared anything with anyone in years. xo