Published June 16, 2009
Hand me a canvas
Amidst the choir of creased chalk
Pluck the feathers of joy for a brush
Paint with the colours of love
Ink dripping with new found bliss
Never will they understand
Everyone stares with condescending disdain
So what
Some will never appreciate our art
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,596 Literary Works • 673,546 Reviews
1. 'creased chalk'? Maybe I'm just not familiar with this imagery, but I didn't realize chalk could be creased. Or maybe you meant to describe the way chalk sounds, since you're referring to a choir? Not sure, this line just confused me a bit.
2. I think it's 'newfound', not 'new found'.
The only other thing I could say is that because there is no punctuation (which there doesn't need to be, as far as I know) it's hard to tell if you mean to say 'Hand me a canvas amidst the choir of creased chalk. Pluck the feathers of joy for a brush...' or if you mean 'Hand me a canvas. Amidst the choir of creased chalk pluck the feathers of joy for a brush'. I'm not sure if the distinction is clear, but depending on where people punctuate it in their minds, it has slightly different meaning. Though maybe you wrote it that way on purpose. Either way, just pointing it out in case you hadn't noticed.
I can't give you much feedback other than that, since I don't do many poems myself at the moment. But I'd say it's short and sweet, which is nice.
Good work!
^_^ Keek
hmmm it is a little short, but in this it is good.
It needs a little work, but I do like this.
Keep Writing
-Flower-