Hey lliyah! looseleaf here with a review.
Ok, so, you already know how much I love your LMS theme and your poems, and this one is no different. The way you use baskets to symbolize death and memories carrying on is incredible for a lack of a better word. Your formatting is also super cool and helps with the switching between thoughts and weaving steps. )
Stanza/Section Number One:
I'm going to be honest, this one was my least favorite out of your poem. It was still great !! but it didn't flow as nicely as your other stanzas. I think most of the reason why it didn't sit right is that it's just one really long sentence without any periods, colons, or semi-colons. Also, the line:
that summer's coming and they say i am not far from the sun
didn't make sense to me? I think this is probably a me issue, but for some reason, the transition from "winnowing fork" to summer and sun did not correlate.
Stanza Number Two:
This one is awesome. I love the connection between the star pattern a basket starts with and the night sky that your great-granduncle looked at. The symbolism in the line "every familiar constellation has been chased away" is great (I understood it as, like everyone has been chased away from him because he's sick, and the stars do the same thing). The rhyming towards the end was also a nice surprise.
Stanza Numero Three:
The first part is short and sweet! Great connection between the instruction and thoughts. How do you think of these things? Like, the over and under coupled with birth and death? Amazing.
I must say I had to reread the second part ("there is a grace... to ...you can do this") to fully understand it and I'm still kind of lost. I think it's that the step mentions that nothing is permanently undone, but in the thoughts I didn't get that message at all. The step tells me nothing is forever, but the thought tells me that the repetition is peaceful and instinctive.
Anyways, I like how you say "you can do this" after you describe your great-granduncle repeating an action like he's reassuring himself he can keep going. Feels sadly hopeful. And the link to the sun is cool, really connects the whole poem together.
Stanza Number Four:
Literally my favorite part. I love the comparison between the loose edges in baskets and memories, along with how it's alright to leave cracks in your basket/memories for people to fill in. Also, The connection to real life and the basket your family has in the last part ("the rough-edges unclipped as a reminder of the hands that wove together the grains") is *chef's kiss*. In my opinion, this has got to be the best line in the entire poem:
is it not somehow sweeter this way, to know even when we're gone some of the unhemmed threads are bound up in an ever-growing tapestry that goes back in time;
Alright, well, that's all from me. I really, really like this poem. I do think there are some parts where it's rather wordy and hard to read, but I think with the removal of a few adjectives/some reworking it'll be in tip-top shape. Good luck with LMS! I look forward to reading more of your poems, your theme is amazing. <3
Points: 1992
Reviews: 142
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