The Cry of the Trumpet

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

The mournful cry of the trumpet sounded like an echo. The song seemed to lose itself in the air, disappearing without warning. The trumpeter poured his heart and soul into the melody; He played with a burning passion that touched the hearts of anyone near him. I could feel it. Finally, the song died away, and he brought his trumpet down from his lips. His face was solemn and tense, course with lines and wrinkles that bore the stress of his many years spent at battle. I took my mother's hand in my own and held it, not wanting to ever let go. It's almost over, I thought to myself. But as much as I told myself that, I knew deep down that it wasn't over. It wasn't now, and it would never be. I lifted my eyes from the ground to see a man walking toward my mother, something folded in his outstretched hands. My mother let go of my hand, causing it to drop at my side. She wiped a tear from her face before taking the folded cloth from the man. He saluted and marched away slowly. I peered over to the material my mother was cradling in her arms. I could just make out the red, white, and blue colors of the American Flag, folded in the shape of a triangle. My mother, still with tears streaming down her stress worn face, took hold of my hand again. We stood there together, hand in hand, and waited for it to be over. Finally, in what seemed like eternity, they lowered my father into the ground, never to be seen again.

Hi, ljkrogman10! You just gave me a heartache, and to be honest, my eyes started to water. This is probably one of my new favorite pieces of YWS. It says it's a novel, so I'm guessing there will be more to come? If there is, please alert me when a new chapter comes out, I'd love to read it!
I think all the errors have been fixed, so there's not really much else I can say (you can't really count this as a review, can you?), but I really do love this. Can't wait to see more!
~Prez. T

Hello, steampowered here for a review!

First of all, I thought this was really well-written, and I'm looking forward to finding out what happens next. I could really picture what was happening, and it was definitely an emotional read. I also loved your first sentence - it hooked the reader (i.e. me) got straight into the story, and explained the intriguing title, so good job with that!

So this is a first chapter..? I'm assuming having short chapters is part of your writing style? Or are you planning on expanding this? Either way, this chapter is a really good length for me to review! I'll get started...

My main criticism, looking at this, is that the formatting isn't very readable. The single biggest improvement you could make (at least in my opinion...) is to split this huge chunk of text up into paragraphs, so it's softer on the reader's eyes.

Another thing I noticed was that your sentences are quite short and simple, which makes some of the text read in a jerky way. Maybe you could make them smoother by linking some together to make some more complex sentences? Take this bit for example:

My mother let go of my hand, causing it to drop at my side. She wiped a tear from her face before taking the folded cloth from the man. He saluted and marched away slowly.

My mother let go of my hand, causing it to drop at my side. She wiped a tear from her face before taking the folded cloth from the man, who saluted and marched away slowly.

The trumpeter poured his heart and soul into the melody; He played with a burning passion that touched the hearts of anyone near him.

His face was solemn and tense, course with lines and wrinkles that bore the stress of his many years spent at battle.

My mother, still with tears streaming down her stress worn face, took hold of my hand again.

Ok my dyslexic brain totally thought this was called The City of the Trumpet and I was like "wait what I don't get it" after I read this, and then I looked for a third time and saw...it said 'cry'...not 'city'.....hehe....oh gosh.

Wow, you totally captured the feeling of watching a loved one lowered into the ground. I'll never forget watching the casket disappear under the tent at my grandfather's burial.
If you decide to revise this, I'd even add words that reflect the pain. If you've ever experienced this, you might have also felt the physical ache in the chest that I did. I like the way you described the expressions, specifically the mother in this.

Your main character, the child in this story, appears to be the rock in this scene. Is this true? (S)he's hurting, but is it showing outwardly? Just wondering, if you were to add something to clarify that.

This would make a great prologue or introduction to your novel. Is that was this is intended to be, or is this part of or a full chapter? You can add that in the description or title, whichever you like if you feel like it.

This is definitely depressing and sets the tone for the story you're about to share, and it makes me want to read more! Great job on your first work girl:)

(And a tip for YWS: don't take criticism too hard. Some reviewers on here are raw and harsh, others are considerate, and some totally sugar-coat it. It can hurt. Just stay true to your writing, and if you don't want to, you don't have to do ANYTHING reviewers tell you! You're the author!)

yours,
~iron.n
I revise not as a judge, but as a fellow writer eligible for judgment on the same level.

WOAH! Great job!! This is super saaaaad I LOVE it!! Great job with description! I felt like I was there with them. I don't know what else to say so: just keep writing! Good job and way to have the courage to post so soon after you joined YWS, my first post was my chapter of TSoU and I've been a member for a long time! Keep up the good work!