Young Writers Society

Short poems, my favorite, I am a lazy Kat.

I'll start from the bottom, I liked your twist on a well known saying and I feel like it really wrapped up your poem. It's not often I stumble across an ABC DEC etc. rhyme scheme but I think it work well for you. I feel like a broken record saying this, beaus I say it to everyone even myself, but the only thing I wish there was more of would be images. Your piece is excellent at making me feel the struggle of the reader through what you're telling me but I wish I could see it in my mind, see the words cutting into the author. What I mean is that it's often hard to convey emotions through showing rather than telling but this will do wonders for your pieces in the future as your progress as a writer.

Congrats on your first work here and welcome to YWS, happy to review for you and help whenever you have questions!
Kat.

Hi Lizzie!

So I really enjoyed this poem; it hit me hard because it's relatable. I do however think that it should be a bit longer, and should include more imagery. I feel like the reader, no matter what their experience with this type of pain is, should be able to feel those words stabbing you right in the heart, and slashing your skin.

I also think that your word choice is strong. I love the third stanza. I think that if you just added a bit more imagery and emotion, your poem would be even stronger than it already is.

Hope this helped,
E

Legacy here for a review.

I like the metaphor about how the words slash through your dreams. I think you could add more imagery about how the words slash you or more imagery about how the words made you feel.

Overall, you have a good start, but it needs more poetic elements if you want it to be a written poem. As of right now, this could be a good spoken poem. Legacy.