My Own Place

In a corner all alone
In my one time- zone
I have a wondrous world
Just waiting to be explored.

But you don’t know that
You don’t take the time to ask
“What are you thinking?”
Or “What are you writing?”

You don’t see me
In my mask of invisibility
You don’t know the things
That go on in my mind

If you could see
I’d let you come with me
On my inside journeys
In my own world

Comments & reviews · 3
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User avatar
Flower~Child
Comment

This is very creative.

It gives the way you see things, and yet it keeps discription!

I love this!

Keep Writing

-flower-

User avatar
Kamas
Review
Kamas wrote a review · Sun Jun 14, 2009 11:26 pm

Heya Livybmee! I'm Kamas and (if I may) I will be your reviewer.
This is an interesting poem with an original idea but there are some thing you have to work on.

F ~ Flow ~
Though it has a rhyming pattern that oyu keep all the way through,
the flow is off. Read it out loud to your self to make sure the flow isn't choppy

In a corner all alone
In my one time- zone
I have a wondrous world
Just waiting to be explored.


The syllable count is off so it messes up the flow
- In a corner all alone (7 count)
-In my one time-zone (5 count)

Fix up those things

I would go into more depth but I must disappear and eat dinner
Good job and keep writing :D

K A M A S

Oh wow, this is really very good! I love how it captures your feelings as well as, what I feel, every artist (whether they be a painter or writer) feels...wonderful job! I think the only thing I would recommend is maybe using a little more word choice, just a little change can make a huge difference, but other than that It looks great! keep up the great work!

Keep Writing!



An arrow can only be shot by pulling it backwards. So when life is dragging you back with difficulties, it means that life's going to launch you into something great, so just focus and keep aiming.
— Unknown