Published February 4, 2010
Have you got a clue what's worth fighting for?
The pain overrides our pride.
Needs of peace burried under the gun shells of battle.
Beauty shattered by blood of the wounded.
Smiles torn between tears of the dead.
Inocence tattered by the ones with weapons.
Heros fallen by the villans with knives.
Our world tooken by the word of war.
Who can we blame for the lost,
besides the ones holding the guns?
*I know we'll never acheive true peace but we can stop the war. There is no peace without suffering, and still, haven't we suffered enough?
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140,644 Literary Works • 673,577 Reviews
Hey there Living!
Alright, so the subject is great, anything that's not about love, or depression I try to read. War is all around us, we hear about it all the time, and to talk something as unpoetic as war, and turn it into a poem I really like. Some of the lines I felt kind of lost in, it kind of dipped into an emoish side, but that can't be helped I don't think. Otherwise I think it's great. I'm sorry if I didn't make much sense, it's 2am, and I'm getting sick.
~Hope
If there was one thing that really irritated me with this piece...
That sentence makes ridiculously little sense to me, mainly because of the words "over rights". I first thought you meant 'overrides'. I then went to think it meant 'outrights', but even that isn't a very easy thing to understand while reading. It's a piece that works better spoken than read, which isn't a very good thing when posting a piece on a forum...to be read.
That one line takes away a lot, and this is a really good piece. Some good ideas are brought up, and war is such a big part of our world that it's good to see pieces that illustrate how some people see it. But that's just it; we don't have much to see. I'd love if this piece could be longer. There's so much more that you could do with this piece, and so much you could add, and it can make this piece so much better than it already is.
Try to make it longer (if you can. I'm not the writer, it's your choice on that one, and I don't have any suggestions, so I'm not really one to say 'write more', am I? But still, it's what I think, and that's the idea of the review, right?, rewrite that second line, and this'll be a great piece, and an especially good one to read.
Have a lucky day!