Published December 14, 2011
The crystals of white,
Circle down from the dark sky of night.
Each flake equivalent to the beauty of a springtime flower
Brings with it a new sense of pristine, perfect power.
Stunning and colorless rainbows
Of all shades of whites goes
Swirling through the midnight air
With not even one single care.
Then the bright puffs touch down to the ground
And in the morning it is bound
To cover the earth with a blanket of snow.
And not one single child does know
How this fantastic playground has come to be
Or what new adventures, during the day, they might see.
When they bound through the pillows,
And climb through the billows,
It is the happiest of days
Because every child goes out and plays.
Some people by the fire will sit,
Wearing a wonderful sweater a dear one has knit.
As I sip hot chocolate I pick up a book,
And then, settle into a comfortable nook.
The stresses of life, for just one day, take their leave,
When in the morning you put your arm in your sleeve,
You hear the phone ring for a snow day,
Then all the children scream “hurray!”
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140,234 Literary Works • 673,048 Reviews
i really loved reading this poem...especially the last paragraph !
...it's very descriptive !
I love the poem, I especially love the line about the colorless rainbow, I don't know why that is my favorite line I guess that it doesn't make sense so much that it starts to.
Thanks for pointing out that confusion. I didn't actually mean pillows though, I meant the snow when it is really powdery and like a pillow.
To me this poem is like hot chocolate, it warms you right up!I love the imagery, and the holiday feeling it brings! I like how the poem progresses from the snow in the air to the to the winter wonderland for children to the calm peaceful day for people sitting by the fire or reading. My only question is, did you really mean pillows in this line?
I may have missed something but that word seems really random to me.
"dark sky of night" sounds a little strange.
Maybe, "Equivalent to the beauty of" might sound better than "as beautiful as"
Awkward wording. Consider revising.
Again, awkwardly worded.
You words don't flow very well here, and I think you should rearrange them to have more rhythm. It doesn't make much sense.
Awkward wording. Consider revising because the last line of a poem is the most important line. It needs to bring the whole piece together. Sorry for my vagueness in editing, I'm sick home with bronchitis and am not really up to writing out a paragraph on how to fix each section. Regardless of the few lines that didn't sound quite right, the metaphors used and adorable rhyme schemes really made this a pleasure to read, all it needs is a few tweaks here and there, and it should be good to go!
I love this!
The first stanza was great; very descriptive, loved your word choice.
You second stanza was also awesome, I swear it sent chills down my back. I just think that the line "How this wonderful playground has come to be / Or what wonderful adventures, during the day, they might see" needs a bit of retouching. The word "wonderful" is great, but maybe replace one "wonderful" with a synonym? Just an idea.
The third stanza is a clever way to close the poem. But, "I pick up a long but not forgotten book, As I sip hot chocolate and settle into a comfortable nook." Those lines are good, but they don't quite flow correctly. I can tell they're meant to go together, because of the rhyming, but the syllables are very different, the second one is a lot longer. Maybe shorten/lengthen one, or move some of the second line into the first somehow, something like that.
Overall though, I love it. The words are beautiful and I can smell winter air when I read this.
omg this is completely adorable. I love the imagery of how it's portraid. I know i love snow days. I really loved the 'as the snow falls during the night' part. it was great detail and it's so awesome because of the time of year you wrote it. unfortunately washington doesn't get much snow lol but yea this was great.