him..

Hey dear !
Nice penning of emotions through words . All I can say is that
" I love you(r penning) forever. "
such a beautiful idea though I don't believe in love and I write love poems too but I believe to be an optimist. Always ready to face any obstacle with confidence. And I am mesmerised by your last lines.
" I love you.. at least I think I do."
Great work. Keep writing. Blessings!

hey there!
this was so... good! i loved everything about. and even though im not the most romantic person in the world ( the least infact) i still loved it so much!
first everything you said up there definitely made beautiful sense. and I'm really fascinated by the way you wrote " i love you forever".
your word choice are also very good. "fiery hell coldnt keep us apart" part is my favourite!
hope to see more of your works around here!

keep up the good work
fangirl~

Hey there littlered12. It's just lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.

First off, Welcome to YWS!. It's great to see another new face around the site. I'm guessing this is the first piece you've published on the site so congrats on that as well. I've started to review poetry more and I'm still getting the hang of it. Enough with the introductions because this is where the real review begins.

I have never seen that many acrostic poems. I mean I wrote a couple but I have never reviewed them. Therefore I am throwing a lot of my possible main points out of the window. The main thing I have found about reviewing poetry is that not only have to asses the story but you have to figure out how much emotion is coming from it.
So how much emotion is there?
-To me this piece didn't feel very strong. The feelings seemed faked and that something real was being manipulated just simply so that some of the lines would rhyme. Some of the lines rhyme and some do not but it doesn't feel like an accident when the rhymes come up. It was forced and the word choice doesn't seem real.

In between the lines that weren't spelling out the message, you wrote a somewhat unrelated line to separate everything. This was good but I think you might also want to try for extra spaces or a row of dashes or something. Even though the poem is supposed to feel together in some way it doesn't connect. The different words are separate meanings and that breaks the bonds between the lines. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say but it is your judgement about the formatting.

You had such a great piece going but that ending just ruined it. You went on and on about this fantastic love and then it looped back around and you doubted everything. For me the emotion in a piece is stronger if the writer sticks to one side or another, not sitting in the middle waiting for something to happen. It's like when you're in an argument, as hard as you try to stay out of it you always get pulled in. But unless you think it through you get pulled to the wrong side. That's what happened with the poem and you need a strong ending for a piece to be effective. Don't use doubt at the very end once everyone has been convinced. Use it in the middle and then prove that you can dismiss it or change the path of the writing. If you want that doubt put it in the middle and then for the other half of the poem, show why you don't love that person forever.

Well, that's about all I have for this review. Sorry if I couldn't offer you any more advice. I have gotten into the habit of thanking author's lately. So thanks for this piece being here for my 133rd review. If you have any questions about this review or anything else, feel free to PM me.
Lizzy
Queen of the Book Clubs

Lavender makes me faint.

I really liked this poem. You use a lot really descriptive writing, doing that usually adds a lot to a poem, and yours is no exception. I like the whole message running down the side that you write your poem from, does that make sense?, it looks really cool and it is pretty original! The whole topic of the poem is one that many a poet of both gender has written about (except for guys, they usually write about 'her.'). I like the use of all the comparing-the-guy-to-nature descriptions, they are really creative!

I don't see any weird punctuation errors or any beyond-even-poetry grammar errors. You structure is solid, it's easy to read and makes a lot of sense. Your flow is good, nothing really throws it off, so good that!

Again, I really like this poem! I look forward to seeing more of your works as you get more into YWS. Seeing this taste of your work is nice!

You're doing great, never give up and remember to-

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