Spirit Record Week 1

-Start of Record –

Day 1:

How long has it been since I have talked to someone. For many years, I have secluded myself from any interactions with the living, for they do not know of a life outside of death. I long to talk with another person, living or dead, but sadly the most I can do is observe them. All of their joy, all of their pain, are to be viewed by me but never experienced.

…So lonely.

For now, I have long given up on a destination and have just settled on an aimless wander. Doing nothing but traveling from town to town, city to city, country to country, with no clear purpose but to simply watch.

The only thing left for me is to enjoy life through others, but even that has lost its luster. Now I must record these memories in fragments in order to give my existence meaning.

…I envy the living.

Day 2:

I observed a young couple arguing today as I came into a town that I have yet to visit before.

From what I gather the town is called Gilroy. It apparently used to be a factory town some time ago, so many of the large buildings that have once made this town prosper have now long been abandoned. After gleaming over abandoned newspaper articles and eavesdropping on the conversation of others, I have gathered that town itself is nothing spectacular as the only forms of entertainment the people seem to have either come from the local movie theater here, or the mall that was apparently built a few years ago.

It all seems to be a waste of time if you ask me. That’s not to say that one cannot enjoy a good movie now and then. After all, I myself have enjoyed few good films eighty years ago, but one should not limit their lives for the sake of entertainment. There are so many things one could learn from various forms of art and literature. So much knowledge to be had and yet they choose to otherwise. Such a pity for today’s youth. I admit though, that I have not exactly been into either of these places, so perhaps I can understand the value behind them if I myself went in. Though to be honest I have yet to have the urge to do so.

Ahh yes … I almost forgot about the couple. The couples themselves seem to be around the age of twenty or so and have been at each other’s throats for a good portion of an hour now in front of a dinner, garnering funny looks from passerbys and patrons alike. Their argument was something about the man being suspect of adultery with the friend of the woman and the two got so heated up they had to be broken apart by the people around them.

Now that’s entertainment…He he he.

In any event I have decided to spend the rest of the night at the cemetery near this town. As cliché as it is I strangely find cemeteries to be very comfortable, and I can feel completely relaxed and at home here.

*sigh*

It’s the little things that keep me going.

Day 3:

Apparently I am a hero today, though it was by proxy.

After deciding to stay in this town a little longer I noticed that a group of four people have gathered around a car in the parking lot near the local grocery store. This particular group was discussing amongst themselves as to whether or not they should break open the car window.

Thieves.

I have met these kinds of people many times before. In most of those situations it is understandable. After all, sometimes one must steal their food if they want to survive, and other times they steal in order to protect those they cherish.

Yes, I recall observing a small child stealing not food, but jewelry from the merchants of this one bazaar many years ago. Naturally I was furious that a child so young could be corrupted by greed. I decided to tag along to see how far he has fallen, stealing bits of jewelry and knick knacks, and anything that had a relative amount of monetary value; such disgusting behavior. After following him for the rest of the week, I found out that he has been gathering valuables, not for his personal gain, but in an effort to buy back his sister. Apparently, she was sold into prostitution because the family was desperate. Needless to say, despite all of his hard work, the boy…was not successful. My soul has been weeping for him ever since.

Still, after wandering around this country, it is clear that its people do not look malnourished nor did they look particularly desperate. Does human greed hold no sympathy for others? No, perhaps they have intentions other than simple greed; after all, one cannot judge others so hastily. That is a lesson I have learned many times before.

Upon closer examination of the car, I found a rather cute dog inside the back seat of the car. At first I thought that it’s panting was rather cute and immediately wished to pet it if I could. That is, until I quickly realized that this animal was completely miserable. It is when I looked back at the anxious faces of the people surrounding the window did I notice that they were sweating profusely. That’s right, today was supposed to be a record high in temperature, wasn’t it? I simply haven’t noticed yet for I cannot feel any sort of sensation.

Hmm… I seem to recall that this is some sort of problem the living have had with each other as of late. They tend to leave precious pets and even children inside these vehicles on very hot days out of some sort of neglect. I can only conclude that this kind of abandonment can only happen out of desperation, but again, the people in this country do not look particularly desperate, so as to how one can neglect the care of a pet, let alone a child is beyond me.

After confirming the condition of the animal everyone turned their attention to a young blonde haired man who appeared with a blunt object in his hands. The youth then proceeded bash the passenger side window.

Now that’s how a man should act! To protect those who cannot protect themselves, that is the mark of a hero. Yes, my soul was filled with pride for the young man so rest assured, the trapped animal will be saved. At least that was the intention, until he recoiled back from the window after the first swing. He swung at it again and again in a vain effort to break it open, leaving only small cracks with each hit.

I am not sure if you knew this, but breaking open a car window is actually a very difficult thing to do since they were designed to prevent the exact thing he was doing. Still, the young man never gave up and continued to wail on that window with his entire strength.

At that moment I decided to lend him a hand so to speak. Though I promised myself not to interfere with the living, I couldn’t help it. This youth was trying to save this unfortunate animal, he deserved this much.

And so, I gathered a bit of energy, timed the youth’s next swing, and then tapped the window, shattering it to pieces.

Triumph at last! There was indeed much jubilee form the crowed as they pulled the dog out of the car and into the arms of one of the bystanders. Yes even I can tell that the animal was completely relieved to be out of that coffin. As for the brave youth, he was garnered as a hero much to his embarrassment. Although when I looked back I noticed that, rather than just the passenger side window, all of the windows, and even side mirrors, completely broke into tiny pieces. Perhaps I overdid it a little.

In the end, the celebration was ruined some time later when the owner of said car came storming back looking absolutely furious at the state of his vehicle, and soon everything devolved into a shouting match.

Hmph... I have no sympathy for the likes of him.

Aside from that little exchange there has been nothing more to note.

Day 4:

Today has been a slow day.

After the ‘excitement’ yesterday this town has yet to catch my attention, so after today I have decided to leave and travel once again. This time I will make my way to the nearest city and partake in anything interesting there.

As the night approached the hot temperatures yesterday cooled down today as a thunderstorm made its way here. Many people retreated into their homes, as they did not want to be caught in the rain.

All mundane actions, but what wasn’t normal was the actions of this one youth I found as I was leaving town. He was a young man, around the age of sixteen or so with black mid length hair, all black attire and a very depressed look. As the rain began to fall I became curious as to why he was all the way here just outside of town and in heavy rain no less, so I decided to followed him to see where he was going.

We went further and further away from town until we came across a fairly tall bridge with river water rushing underneath.

The youth stopped, collapsed, and began to cry. He bawled his eyes out until his voice became hoarse and he could not cry any more. As I saw this I wanted nothing more than to console him. Even though I knew not what his situation was, that did not matter. Nobody should be sad and alone.

After about an hour or so of silence, the youth then slowly stood up. He places one hand…then the other on to the railing, as he slowly climbed on top of the edge.

… I do not need to say what happened next.

Though I wish I could have done something to stop him, in the end, I had no right to force my views on other people. What they wished for themselves is not something I had the right to interfere with.

Even so, I decided to follow the river flow in the hopes that the boy was still alive. After following the river for some time I came across the young man’s body washed up on the river’s bank. Upon close examination I knew that he was no longer alive and although I must respect his wishes, I myself wished that he would at least say his goodbyes to those he cared for before leaving. The fact that his body lay before me was a good indication of his hasty decision.

His death reminded me of my current situation, so I have decided to stay with him until he is found. At first I thought I did this to keep him company, to honor what purity remained in his now decay corps, perhaps even welcome him though I have never seen anyone else like myself. However, I soon realized that I did this not for his sake, but for mine.

Day 5:

Dawn had already came and passed. All day today I did not move from my spot and continued to watch over the boy’s body, and soon, nighttime approached yet again.

Since I chose to stay beside the body the entire day I soon became depressed. There is no one to talk to, and even though I couldn’t talk to anyone even if there was someone here, their presence was all I usually needed to feel better.

I could not understand why this boy made this decision. Personally I thought it was a rather stupid thing to do as there are so many other, much more desirable options than to welcome nothingness. I suppose this is thanks to the glorification of death. The ideas to give up one’s life to protect another, and while I cannot deny that, what truly matters is what a person does when they are alive, not what they give that life for. It is perfectly reasonable to want to sacrifice one’s self for others, but before doing so, why not leave something behind. It can be anything, but I find the easiest would be a fond memory. True, it is not as lasting as say completing some monumental mile stone that benefits the living, but if one is worried about such things then they do not truly understand what it means to truly care for others.

In the end, however, this was his wish and it was something that I could not change.

To choose the isolation of death, what a peculiar wish.

…His wish…

At that moment I couldn’t stop thinking how easy it was for him to make his wish, and so I thought of my own. What did I wish for? Well, truth be told, I wanted to be alive again. No, that’s not true, I wanted someone to talk to, some to interact with. Someone to talk to, to tell stories, and to tell your problems to. What I wanted…was a family.

….

That’s It! I have made my decisions. I have decided to take another crack at the world of the living, though I was still a little hesitant. The last time I tried to do this did not have a, shall we say, pleasant ending.

Perhaps, this time, it can work. No, It WILL work. I will make it work with my will and my will alone.

Today I have made my decision. Even though I promised not to interfere with the living, I wished to feel the comfort from of another person, to talk to them, to laugh with them.

I wished to be alive once again

I will not do this for nothing though. In exchange I will have the memories of this boy to be one that all of his friends and family to can think back fondly. I well let them have a proper goodbye before I start my own life.

For you see, I do not want his family to torture themselves thinking as to what went wrong; to lay awake at night thinking that this was somehow their fault.

So, with this I will set forth without holding back. I will become alive once again in and take up the empty space left by this young boy.

The ending of his, will be the beginning of mine.

Day 6:

……….

Day 7:

Today, I have felt something that I have I have not felt in a very long time; the feeling of wanting to hurl. This dizziness has completely overcome me, so much so that I can hardly feel my surroundings.

It…feels strange to have a body.

I can smell the cool clean air, the soft chilling breeze pressing against my face, and the cold damp and muddy feeling coming from his now wet cloths, or should I say mine.

Ugh…this is a little more than uncomfortable.

Trying to stand up was a fantastic feat on its own, as I felt my freshly borrowed legs wobble like a newborn foal. My other limbs did not fare much better as they all felt incredibly light and very loose. In the end, I could not stand for very long so I decided to lie back down until I can gain complete control.

Hmm… now that I think of it, this body did not seem to have any problems considering it was only recently dead. I have never understood this, but it seems that the body somehow heals itself to peak condition. Very convenient considering that if it were not for that, I would simply die again.

Speaking of this body, and more specifically, what is on it, what is with these clothes!? I can understand the hoodie since I imagine that the night can get rather cold, but what is wrong with these pants!? It feels like my legs are going to collapse in on themselves. They just feel so…TIGHT…and very, VERY, uncomfortable. Is this the standard that people of today wear, because if so, I would rather die! AGAIN! Well…not literally, but you get the idea.

… I suppose I have no choice but to endure it for the time being.

Putting aside the strangling pants, it seems I have regained my motor skill and am finally able to stand once more. With a single heave, I lifted myself up and immediately took in my surroundings. Yep, just as I have thought, nothing has changed. Though I did notice a path leading back up the road, perhaps I can get back into town and finally begin my journey! With that in mind, I left the river bank.

-----------------------

After several minutes of walking, which I might add, felt absolutely wonderful to do, I finally made it back to Gilroy. By this time the sun had already risen and dried my clothing, good thing too, as it felt much too chilly.

At that moment I decided to take a little walk and enjoy the view that this town has to offer, and let me tell you, it is a much more beautiful site when you are alive!

Or, at least, it should have been. After a few minutes of taking in the joy of living, The euphoric feeling I had in my new found heart quickly vanished as a blue colored minivan screeched to a grinding halt right beside me.

Caught off guard, I was completely stunned and was not prepared for what happened next, for at that moment, a woman with incredibly messy brown hair jumped out and approached me looking absolutely furious.

“WHERE IN THE HELL WERE YOU!” She screamed, chilling my body to its very core.

“Do you have ANY, idea how worried I was! I know you want your privacy, but when you never came home, I just thought the worst, and I called and called and called, and you didn’t answer. I was this close to having a mental breaking down, thinking that you were kidnapped, or worse, KILLED!”

Oh my, this lady is just simply fierce! At that moment I had thought of simply running as fast as I can form this insane woman until I realized something. I may not personally know her, but I am almost certain that this boy does.

With the best of my abilities, as I was still a little frightened at that point, I put on the most apologetic expression I could muster.

“I-I am deeply sorry, I did not mean to…”

The woman holds up her hand to stop me. She then takes in a few good deep breaths before speaking once again.

“You know what. I don’t care. I don’t want to know where you went, I don’t want to know why your clothes are absolutely filthy, I just want you to get your ass inside the car. NOW.”

Not wishing to make a bad situation worse, I obediently opened the car door and climbed inside. At that moment the words ‘kidnapped child’ floated across my mind. The woman, without another word, climbed back in to the driver’s seat and drove back up the street.

------------------------------

Aside from her mutterings of ‘problem child’ and ‘used to be such a good boy’, the drive was relatively quite as we made our way to a quaint little suburban neighborhood, complete with identical, two story houses of the same white wall and grey rooftops.

The woman pulled up to one with the numbers “934”, got out of the car and started walking to the door. Not one wanting to be left behind I did the same.

Once inside I looked around, only to be disappointed at how utterly mundane everything was. I once wondered into one of these types of houses like this before, and I swear it is the exact same layout; normal living room with a coach and television, a normal kitchen, normal rugs. Everything in this house was just plain…boring.

Just then a small girl with curly brown hair walked in from the kitchen wearing a green backpack and a matching green shirt. Without so much as a word, she shoots at me a look of utter disdain before leaving the front door.

I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong with her until I was interrupted yet again.

“Don’t even start, your sister has ever right to be angry, she had to skip choir practice to help me fill out a police report for you!”

I thought that was very strange considering the fact that I passed by a couple of police cruiser earlier and no one has said anything to me.

“Just…just go to your room. I need to take your sister to middle school. You can go to school tomorrow.”

Again, not wishing to make her any angrier, I climbed up the stairs I could hear the woman talk on what I believe is called a cellphone.

“Hello, this is Susan Kenmore, I am calling to report that my son is sick and will not be able to come to school today, again.”

Once at the top, I had a little difficulty in trying to find out which room was mine, and through trial and error, succeeded in entering the room at the far end of the hall.

Inside the room was what can only be described as, well, dark. I am not just talking about the lack of sunlight, but the walls were plastered in posters of groups of people in dark leather clothing holding instruments, some of the clothing that littered the floor was black, the books he had piled in a small corner had black covers, everything that could be colored in black was colored in black.

…

Well, this is going to be a…erm…special experience.

I then decided to scrounge around for some change of clean clothing, which I might add was easier said than done, and slipped on a decent pair of pants that did not wish to kill me, again, easier said than done.

As soon as I had clean clothing my limbs began to feel heavy with exhaustion, as I collapse on top of his…my bed. 

Hmm…I forgot that living people need to rest every so often, truly an inconvenience but a small price to pay to be alive.

As a laid there I thought about the situation this child was let in. He obviously did not get along with anyone here, even before his brief disappearance, so my end of the bargain was getting far more difficult to pay off with each passing minute. But…I do not mind it so much. I have plenty of time to pay of my debt and have every intention of doing so. After all, I am not the type of person who goes back on my word.

Although I had to wonder, just why did he want to kill himself? Simple family disputes is not nearly enough to do so, not to mention that they themselves did not ask if he was all right, implying that A) this not totally unexpected, as least considering this boy’s personality, and B) he did not show any signs of depression a few days prior. That is not to say that the problems didn’t originate from family issues, but it does not seem like the most likely cause at the moment. So, what in the world drove him to suicide?

….

Well, I would have keep this thought in mind for later, for at that moment, I felt too tired to continue to ponder, and so, I would drift off to sleep and would start my day in the living lifestyle tomorrow.