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Canary word: Present
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Ok, this is a good start, but you need to make it a little longer. It's good right now, but I feel like you can make it much better. I know that you are really in love with this character, and now you need to add on to it. What's going on in the memory? Where are you at?
And also, try to use a wider vocabulary to make it more lyrical and poetic. Right now, the poem is kind of childish. Try using words to really capture what you are feeling while also making the poem flow more. Like, for example, instead of "I gaze at him, the cute smile spreads across his face" try something along the lines of "I gaze into his beautiful (eye color of your choice) eyes, As his handsome smile spreads from ear to ear, showing off his beautiful pearly white teeth."
You see how much more descriptive and lyrical it is?
Good day, and nice poem
~FallenAngel