Hearken!
For the days are drawing,
Drawing near the end
Beneath the floor, their lies
the Heart of the Forest, it cries
Leaves tremble on trees
Falling like snowflakes down
Down, down, to a silent lake
Now disturbed
For the air is crisp
The green fades away
Flora and Fauna away no longer stay
To sleep, long and deep, they depart
To awaken once more with
The light of the Heart
For in the grove autumn lies.
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139,208 Literary Works • 672,506 Reviews
This is an interesting poem. It begins with a call to the reader, as if it is a doomsayer, a sage, calling upon omens of an apocalypse. The emphasis on nature and the effects this imminent disaster has on it contribute to the tone and the mood quite nicely. A free verse structure with some rhymes here and there align well with the chaotic, longing descriptions of the omens that have come across the land. However, the poem ends on a hopeful note--that one day, after this disaster has passed, the heart of the forest will return once again.
hey hey! ^_^
YAY NATURE POETRYYY
thoughts
[1] the diction here is interesting! it's archaic, but we still think it's easy to navigate - sometimes, all of those words can make a poem feel kind of intimidating to read. this is accessible!
[2] the tone seems melancholic and foreboding, and the poem maintains a moody atmosphere throughout. it's approachable for any reader to pick up on, and it conveys emotions well despite any simplicity. e.g. the heart of the forest is vivid! we thought of it as a personification of nature to symbolize renewal or change?
suggestions
[1] we mentioned your diction choices, but there is a caveat: hearken feels overstylized in comparison to the rest of the poem. there is little stylistic consistency.
[2] the thematic clarity feels lacking at times. we love how there is a circular return to theme ["in the grove autumn lies”], but the overall message feels lost under the weight of the imagery. seasons and change go together, and so do death and rebirth, but the connection between all four is thin.
[3] we found this poem to be very vague &/or ambiguous throughout, but especially towards the end. the poetic devices feel too subtle!
overall, we enjoyed reading this!
~ adore
Thank you very much for the suggestions! I do agree that "Hearken" was used poorly. I did intend for this poem to be vague but I may have gone too far, as you pointed out. Thanks again