Young Writers Society

Happy review day! First off, I very much like this. It's really well done, in all respects except for the Big Four. Grammar, punctuation, capitalization, and spelling. It feels a little callous to call you out on this. It doesn't make a story, but it makes a story accessible, and this is good enough that it should be accessible. The quote at the end from the girl is a little misplaced. You could just put it in quotation marks and turn it into actual sentences and people would know who was talking. Many of your sentences need commas, and you misspelled "car" though it was easy enough to tell what you meant. Many of your commas also need to be periods. I'll take a sentence as an example of this. "The girl never got to say goodbye and the last memory of her and her horse was her pushing her away." It's worded a little confusingly, and it needs a comma. This would be better: "The girl never got to say goodbye, and the last memory of their being together was her pushing the horse away." In other news, this was well done, not overly sentimental but just enough. Good job.

Hi! Just passing by and giving a review! I'm not the best at reviews though, but I hope what I have to say is helpful!

This story contains a lot of run-on sentences throughout. For example:

There was this girl that loved horses, she never got along with this horse until the horse got pregnant and then the girl checked on the horse every night and day.

Thanks for sharing this story about a girl and her special relationship with her horse. The story describes the relationship very well with the girl finding solace in being near her horse whenever she felt she needed comforting. Also very touching is the description of how the girl reacts when she is finally deprived of her beloved companion. Especially touching was how the horse pushed her away after she had lost her foal.

This corresponded to how the mare accepted the girl only when she became pregnant. There is a link there and it made me wonder whether such behavior is common to mares when they become pregnant and the lose their foal. I like the way that the relationship is described as the merging of two flames.

Suggestions

Use pronouns such as “it” “she” “her” as substitutes for “horse” in order to avoid repetitions of the word "horse".

horse got [ it got]
on the horse [on it]
stressed[-]out
crying[,]

non-horse people
....ready to go fast yet[.] [S]he never understood....
....her ever again[.] [S]he would....

....jumped out of her are.... How do you jump out of an “are”?

[the] horse [that] understood her

All in all, a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work.

great job lindz keep it up

Hey Corrupted Arrow here with a review!
(The Comma Police is here! Anything I say here is just constructive criticism. If i offend you I apologize in advance.(I will try to be humorous.)

I understand what it is like to live without my best friend! It's hard but as life moves, you have to as well. And I am sorry for the loss...

From what I can see you don't have any grammar and/or comma mistakes. Keep up the writing, have a good day.

good job