Dear O,
Hey. It’s me. You may know me by another name, by another face. But I’m still me. Or at least, the rough outline is still here. I still dance around and sing all the time and I write about everything I’ve ever felt. I’ve lived, I’ve grown, I’ve changed. But I still think about you from time to time.
Yeah. Weird, isn’t it? I haven’t talked to you in God knows how long. But I think about you. I look for a bit of you in every person I’ve ever loved. Who can blame me? You were charming, larger than life, funny, sweet, and you could cook a mean breakfast. And you know me-- there’s nothing I love more than a good breakfast. I wish you were still in my life. There’s so much to say. I’ve changed my hair since last I spoke with you.
I used to worry about you constantly, you know? One of our friends told me I was the only person you’d ever opened up to, and I was there when you ‘needed someone dearly.’ But it’s hard to imagine you could just leave all of us behind like that, especially me. Some of the things you did, you did out of love. Others, I wondered if you even had a heart at all. You were growing so much, getting everything you ever wanted, it felt like nothing could stop you… But then you were just gone. Without a trace. I wish I hadn’t been so selfish back then.
I don’t know where you are, but I’m there. A part of me has always been missing since you were. You always made me feel at home, no matter what was going on. I always relied on you. Time has passed and I still feel the same. You’re still vivid to me. I hope I still am to you.
Don’t forget about me. You’re gonna kill it out there. You always have.
I'll love you forever,
Your Butterfly.
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125,004 Literary Works • 672,792 Reviews
Hello!! Welcome to the site! We're happy to have you
And I really liked how you highlighted what's the same, what's changed, and that the constant is that "butterfly" can't stop thinking about O.This is obviously a personal piece and it's cool that you wanted to share it here!
I think the first paragraph is the most powerful. I really liked the line
The last line in the next paragraph "I've changed my hair..." felt a little out of place to me. The whole paragraph is a beautiful account of the things Butterfly loves and misses about O and so the bit at the end about the hair felt a little tacked on. I get that it's to signify that things have changed since they were last together. Unless hair is a big deal to Butterfly and changing her (guessing her?) hair is a really big deal and that's something O would understand and something O would find significant, I'm not sure it's necessary.
The only other thing that's missing for me is more of an understanding of what went wrong. You hint at it with but I don't have a super clear picture of exactly what happened. Even though O was part of it and probably knows what Butterfly is talking about, it might be cool to show the series of events from her POV because how she sees what happened could be different than how he sees what happened.
Overall, I thought this was a thoughtful piece and I can tell you put a lot of heart into it!! I look forward to seeing more of your writing (and you!) around the site! Let me know if you have any questions or if you'd like feedback about something I didn't mention, or if I can help you with anything at all around the site!
Thank you for your review! More info on this situation is to come
Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.
That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this very emotionally powerful composition about someone who has lost a loved one in death and recalls the person with deep affection despite the person's flaws.
The poem indicates that the speaker believes in some kind of afterlife. That in that afterlife people can lead a productive existence. That they can here us when we speak to them.
I like the use of the second person singular. Also I like the way the poem is arranged on the page as well as the straightforward vocabulary used. The special relationship that the speaker shared with the person who passed away comes through very effectively.
Punctuation is accurate and no spelling mistakes. This is one of the most powerful poems I have ever read actually. Managed to stir deep kindred emotions in me in reference to those persons I have lost to death. Made me wish that I could feel the same way that the speaker feels in the poem towards them. The ending was superb! But then again so was the rest of the poem.
Looking forward to reading more of your work.
Thank you. This was really hard for me to write. It really means a lot to me that you see it as so powerful. Thank you so so much. Feel free to review me anytime haha
All my love
Lil