Published November 16, 2010
.
.
What treachery is this?
This, my heart, laid aside of its own accord,
or perhaps folded in beneath its own weight.
No longer can it squeeze, as it did,
at the discomforts of a friend.
Nor can it swell at the joys of a stranger.
I, whose eyes can look no further than my own tiresome lids!
A heart turned inward pumps the blood of the dead,
but am I such a corpse as that?
.
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141,700 Literary Works • 675,584 Reviews
Heya. So, I have to be cruel and make at least one nitpick because if I don’t then I’ll just have to prattle on about how much I enjoy this.
Yep, that’s right, my only little nitpick is your use of a capital ‘b’ after that comma. I really couldn’t find anything else. I couldn’t find anything else to harress you on.
I really enjoyed the Tim Burton-esque feel of this and I can almost imagine a stop-motion heart lying on a weather-beaten table, pumping its last stop-motion beat and seeming utterly out of life.
Me likie!
Anyways, if this rambling review brings up any questions, feel free to PM me or leave a message on my wall.
~lilymoore
I really liked this. Your use of language is phenomenal and you did a great job of giving a clear emotion while still being beautifully poetic. The wording of the last line seemed a little awkward to me, but the rest was so good that I didn't really care. Amazing.