In my last breath I would have given you the castles I built and the heart I tried to craft.
Breathing is always taken advantage of though.
They say Thank God for every breath you take but under the rocks and lava I can feel the pain I've endured from just Love alone.
Opposites come together to make nothing.
Hate and Love could not exist alone.
Or could they?
I need a clean slate to ignite my bones.
I need peace to ravish my soul.
But only thorns caress my heart.
I wish to be new.
Do not be stopped by these consuming thoughts of failure, degradation and isolation.
Summoning the strength of a fighter.
I'll manage to survive.
Or will I continue to give into the searing thoughts of desolation that plague my being.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
I just have to say...
Last few lines are my favorite.
OMG I'VE STRUCK GOLD!
HELLO EMERALD IS HERE FOR DA REVIEWS!
I've struck gold... That's all I have to say... Out of all the lyrics I've read, THIS ONE, is gold...
I've read many lyrics on here, this is my favorite now...
This sounds like a song that would Imagine Dragons would make so I think that really attracted me to this
One nitpick though, final line, Pretty sure there should be a question mark there
I usually don't point out nitpicks because i'm afraid I might hurt someones feelings, but I guess its better to point them out so you can remember the next time you write something, we all make mistakes
Ok well thats all for my review, IGN 20/10
Thankyou so much for commenting! I know it needs a question mark lol. I appreciate your review!
Geeky here!:)
I just want to say as a song writer myself I really enjoyed this:)
Have you thought about maybe having a chorus that repeats its self, Or is this just part of the lyrics?
Any way I didn't see any errors except for you capitalized love, but you may have done that on purpose.
All together though I really Like the vocabulary you use and I love the emotion you use! As a song writer I only write when I'm sad or write about the things that hurt me the most.
Its a very good way to get your emotions out! Keep up the good work ! you're a very talented writer !
question:
Do you play an instrument?
Well sorry I couldn't be a better help! good luck on future writing!:)
Hi, Liferunner! I'm Dessie. I've just joined, and so I figured I should do some reviews. You're my first! So, let's get started. In the first line, there should be a comma after the word breath. In the second line, there should be a comma after of. In the third line, thank should not be capitalized, there should be a comma after take, and love should not be capitalized. Lines eight and nine could be one sentence; just use a comma after soul and change the capital letter in but to a lowercase letter. Into should be two words: in and to. There should also be a question mark at the end. I loved your poem! See you later!
Hi Liferunner!!!
This was really good! I especially love the vocabulary you used. I'm always trying to find that happy medium where the wording is advanced but doesn't distract from the story and I really think you've found that.
This is definitely my favorite part:
"I need a clean slate to ignite my bones.
I need peace to ravish my soul.
But only thorns caress my heart."
Just a quick nit-pick; that last line needs a question mark. But other than that, it looks amazing and sounds fantastic!
Keep up the good writing!
Yeah, I realized that after I posted it. Haha. Thankyou though!