Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this one was a pretty sweet little story. I like the message that it is trying to give and the premise behind it seems like a pretty interesting story. I love the way that you convey some of the thoughts and emotions in this. Those really do add to the experience quite a bit.
Anyway let's get right to it,
The expression on my face was a sad, disappointed gaze locked. On the spot his figure last stood, I remembered the last of him fade slowly away from my memory. I could only wish what had just happened didn’t really happen. The words that had strewn from his mouth;
Well that is a sad start to a story but...definitely very effective as a start in terms of getting a reader's attention because you sure do have my attention at this point. Great choice of opening there by showcasing these thoughts.
Break up?
Separate ways?
Lost interest?
I love the formatting that you've used here. It really gives you a sense of how broken up this person must be inside and the shock factor. If that was presented as a single complete thought it would never be this effective so I have to say this was a wonderful idea that you had.
Was I just some play toy he threw in the back of his closet, next to his old Lego’s and Lincoln Logs? Had this all been a game of cat and mouse? I was the stupid little “thing” he played, than he chewed me up and spit me out?
Well definitely getting right to the tough question there. Maybe showing what this was like would help us understand a little bit about why this person is thinking so strongly about this or else it feels like its just assumptions that are maybe a little exaggerated...I get that you've mentioned that this was just exactly that (exaggerations) later in the story but still having more context would help a little.
I wiped the tears from my face, gave one last hug, and said my heart filled goodbye. We did go different ways but we remained good friends, and I was happy to be the maid of honor at his wedding 6 years later. And he was glad to be best man at mine not 2 months after his.
Well that was a nice direction to take this. There are too many stories out there that just go in the maximum negative direction. It is nice to see one like this.
He was the godfather of my first child and I the god mother of his second, his wife and I became friends, but my friendship with him never shrunk, it grew more and more, we loved having play dates and planning parties together, it was my way of expression to not get mad so many years before, and his expression to stay friends.
So as hard as change may be, it doesn’t have to change 100%
I feel like that is a lovely truce here for them to have achieved. Definitely a very fitting ending there. I personally love it.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall I did like this story. The ending especially was a really well done at least in my opinion. As a short story it's got itself a pretty nice plot and said plot is executed pretty darn well. Good Job!!
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254163
Reviews: 4102
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