z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

Halloween Nightmare

by lexilewis94


I look outside my window, crisp orange and yellow leaves fill the trees. I smell pumpkin cookies as I get dressed for school, which makes getting ready for school better I suppose. As I go downstairs to leave, I hug my mother and sneak a huge pumpkin cookie in my bag. They are supposed to be for mom's baking class this evening, but I don’t think it would hurt just to take one I guess...

“Kelsey,” my mom’s voice sounded calm.

“Sorry mom here, I was just hungry...” I opened my bag to give her the cookie I took, but she shook her head.

“I don’t care that you took that, have it! I wanted to remind you to watch over your little brother tonight when trick-or-treating, got it? I don’t want Jason to get lost again.”

“I am mom. I already promised you! Thanks for this by the way,” I took a bite out of the cookie and smiled. She smiled back as I hurried out of the front door. It takes about 10 minutes to walk to school, so I needed to get going or I would be late. The crunching of the leaves beneath my combat boots is the perfect sound of fall to me. Nothing compares to fall. Cool air, sweaters, and anything pumpkin spice are the few reasons why I love it so much.

I finally made it to school on time, so I grabbed everything I needed out of my locker when all of a sudden I felt two arms around my waist.

“Guess who...” The voice whispered, but I could recognize that voice anywhere. The arms spun me around and I was faced with my boyfriend Luke. “Are you ready for Mason’s party tonight? People say it's gonna be the best party of the year!” He explained smirking.

“No, I can’t. I have to watch my little brother tonight for trick-or-treating,” I grinned back at Luke and took his hand as we strolled to our first period class. “But, you have a good time at the party! Let me know if it’s actually the best party of the year,” I squeezed his hand and we went our different directions. Big parties aren’t really my thing, so I’m kind of happy to go trick-or-treating with my brother. I mean I might be too old now to trick-or-treat, but I never lost that childhood feeling.

I get home from school and finish up some homework that is due tomorrow, when suddenly a voice is in my room.

“Kelsey are you ready to go! I will let you share my candy with me...” Jason taunted me with his pumpkin bag that would soon be packed with all sorts of sweets.

“Yes I’m ready. You’ll seriously let me share with you, because last time you ate almost half of it before we even got home,” I explained to Jason. He smiled widely at me and ran down the steps. Smiling also, I shook my head, grabbed my black leather jacket, and headed out the door.

The entire neighborhood is booming with children on every street corner. The sounds of laughter fill my ears. “Jason, you need to stay with me this time okay? You can’t go running around by yourself,” I whispered to him.

“I know Kelsey I promise,” he reassures me. I follow him down the dimly lit street, covered with fallen leaves.

I hear the prattle of the children’s joyful screams, “Trick-or-treat!” I see their smiling faces and beaming eyes as they stretch their arms out waiting for sweets. Thinking about Luke, I look down at my phone looking to see if he texted me about the party. Nothing. But I won’t let that stop me from having fun. I follow Jason to this light blue house with bright white shutters. It has the most decorations out of all the houses, big pumpkin blow ups, skeletons, and even a fog machine. I know this house is gonna have the best candy.

Running towards me Jason screeched, “I got an entire chocolate bar!” Jason explained to me as he jumped up and down. I knew it. “Come on! All of the candy is gonna be gone if we don’t hurry up!” Jason bolted to the house next door.

“Wait Jason wait!” As I turned to call Jason back I couldn’t believe what my eyes were seeing. Out comes Caroline, the prettiest girl in school, walking towards my boyfriend's car. I can’t comprehend what I’m seeing, they’re actually making out! I can’t believe Luke is doing this to me, after 8 months of being together, why? Did he lie about going to Mason’s party? My eyes are pricked with tears, and my head falls into my hands as I hear the engine of his car fading.

When I looked back up I suddenly saw a person standing where Luke’s car was parked, looking in my direction. The person was wearing all black, and I couldn’t register who that person could be. Probably just a halloween costume. I blew it off just thinking it was another trick-or-treater. I turned in the direction to where my brother ran and I realised I couldn’t see him anywhere. “Jason! Jason!” I screeched at the top of my lungs, I can’t believe that he is doing this to me again.

I keep running, probably two blocks at this point, my mind is whirling that I just lost my brother, feeling my stomach curl. I keep thinking the worst, that something really bad happened to Jason. Reaching for my phone to call my mom, I see him at the next house, with his arms stretched out waiting for more candy. I was furious. I stormed up to him, grabbed his wrist, turned him around and scolded him, “We’re going home now!” The entire walk home I hollered at him, telling him how much he scared me and how he promised not to run away again.

Finally we arrived home. Stomping up to the front door, I noticed the door was cracked open. One foot in the door I yelled, “Mom? Are you home already?” As there was no response, I got a super irie feeling in the pit of my stomach. Jason and I cautiously walked inside, all the lights were on in the kitchen. I kept calling for mom, and there was no answer. I moved my head in the direction of the dining room and all of our family albums were open on the dining room table. Looking down at the albums, there were cutouts of a man's face added to our family photos. As I turned all the pages, he was in every picture.

“Kelsey...” Jason looks up at me as I feel his hand trembling in mine.

“Lets get outta here.” As we sprinted out to call mom, she actually was just pulled up in the driveway.

Running to her we explain what is going on in the house. “MOM! When we got home the door was open, and there were cutouts of a strange man in our photos...” She pushed past us and stormed into the house. When Jason and I got into the dining room, mom was studying the photos with fear in her eyes. “Mom, why would somebody do this...” I questioned her as she still looked fearful. She shook her head in response,

“I don’t know honey.”

It was a difficult night sleep, but somehow I managed to get in an hour or two before I had to get up for school. On the way to school, I kept having this strange feeling that I was being watched. It was so unsettling. That kinda feeling like the hair on the back of your neck is standing up. The ten minute walk to school felt three times as long. Going through the gold front doors of the school, I gazed around to see everyone eyeing me and whispering. Just then I felt a heavy hand on my shoulder. When I turned around it was Mrs. Turner, my favorite teacher. She looked as though she had been crying. Her mascara stained on her rosy cheeks. With heartfelt emotion, she hugged me tight and pulled away.

“Are you okay?” Mrs. Turner questioned me with deep intent.

“Sure...Yeah I’m fine, why...?” With concern, Mrs. Turner took my hand and led me to her classroom. My feet are heavy as we pace to the room, my classmates eyes staring into my soul. Mrs. Turner looked me in the eyes and said,

“I hate to be the one to tell you this, but Luke was murdered last night. In his car...” Her squeaky voice muffled in my ears, fading away as my thoughts took over. Uncontrollably, I lost sensation in my legs and fell to the floor. Mrs. Turner kneeled beside me as I wept.

The next couple hours were a blur. I woke up in my bed and it was dark outside. As I got out of bed, there was a knock at my bedroom door. Opening it, I was faced with my mom. With great distress she uttered in a small voice,

“We need to talk.”

I nodded my head as she shuffled into my room. She sat on my bed and patted her hand down next to her. I knew something was really wrong, I’ve never seen mom so serious before. Looking down at me she spoke softly, “There’s a secret I’ve been keeping from you, and the reason why I haven’t said anything before was because I was trying to keep you safe. 15 years ago I met this really amazing guy at the coffee shop where I worked. We started dating, he seemed so perfect. He was caring, loving and funny, and after about 6 months things started to get really serious. Then I realized I was pregnant with you. Everything changed after that. He started being controlling of where I was going, who I was seeing. He didn’t like any of my friends, told me that my family didn’t treat him well enough, and told me that they didn’t like him. When I was 4 months pregnant with you, one night he had a late meeting at work. So, I took advantage of it and went out with my friend from work. When I got home he was sitting on our bed and started to interrogate me, where I was, who I was with, who else was there... and I just couldn’t believe that he was interrogating me so I laughed. That was the first time he hit me. He told me never to laugh at him. He smacked me across the face and pushed me down on the floor. Later he apologized for what he did, and promised to never do it again. Things were wonderful, you were born and we were happy. 5 years later I got pregnant with Jason, and it seemed like it triggered something in him. He went back to how he used to be, and it got to a point that I was afraid he was going to hurt me or worse, hurt you and Jason. I decided I needed to leave, and I knew that he would be able to track me down. So, I came up with fake last names for all three of us, took all of the money out of my bank, told my work I was leaving, and left. He found us again, and he’s angry that I stole his children from him...” She looked at me with fearful, watery eyes. I felt dryness in my mouth as I was trying to speak but no words came out.

“...What? I can’t believe this,” my fragile voice shook as I stood up and paced back and forth. My mom pulled me in and hugged me and whispered,

“It’s gonna be okay Kelsey.” She stood up and sauntered over to the bedroom door, but suddenly all I saw was darkness. Screams were coming from Jason’s room. I gripped my mom’s hand and realised that all the power was out. I turned on my phone flashlight and together my mom and I sprinted to Jason’s room. Shoving the door open, I showed the light in my brother's bedroom. There, standing in front of Jason was the man in the pictures, pointing a gun towards my brother.

The man’s chilling voice echoed, “Hello Karen, nice to see you again. I'm glad I finally found you. I’ve been looking for you all for years...”

“Please Mike! Don’t hurt him!” Mom’s voice sounded shattered and distraught, pulling me behind her.

Laughing as he yelled, “I WOULD NEVER HURT MY CHILDREN! This is all your fault Karen.”

“Mommy who is this I’m scared!” cries were heard from Jason.

“I’m here Jason, everything is gonna be alright,” Mom reassured Jason.

“Uh,”sarcastically the man remarks, “Well, aren’t you mother of the year,” Mike laughed, “if it wasn’t for me, Kelsey would still be seeing that cheater Luke who sleeps with every girl in town. So I took care of him, so he couldn’t hurt our daughter.”

“Oh my god Mike, what have you done!” My mom screams. He charges towards her saying,

“What I have done! What have I done” Mike punches her in the head, knocking her out instantly.

“Mom!” I wept out as I tried to catch her. As I kneel beside my mom, I realise that she can’t help us, and something inside me starts to rage. Standing up slowly I hold my ground and scream, “Who do you think you are? My mother told me everything about you and what you did to her,” I strongly walked up to him, meeting him face to face, “You’re not a man... you’re a monster.” Mike looks at me with disbelief, and he slightly lowers the gun. Suddenly, I see Jason coming up behind Mike with his heavy soccer trophy, hitting him in the head. The violent blow knocking him to the ground, making the floor turn red. Looking at Jason I say, “Wow Jason, I can't believe you did that...” I ran over to him and I hugged him hard. As I hold him I whisper, “we need to call the police and get help for mom.”

Ambulances and cops arrive and take over the situation. They make sure that my brother and I are okay. Outside, Jason and I run over to see our mom, who is on a gurney getting ready to be placed into the abundance. I look behind me and see another gurney. It has Mike on it, and he is completely covered with a white sheet. I turn to my mom, she is looking at me with terror in her eyes. Grabbing her hand I reassure her, “everything is okay now mom. He will never be able to hurt us again.”

A year has passed, things have finally gotten back to normal. It’s trick-or-treat time again, only this time both my mom and I will watch Jason. I realise how strong our family has become, because we know together we can overcome anything. 


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672 Reviews


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Fri Jan 08, 2021 2:32 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey! Plume here, with a review!

I really enjoyed this piece! I thought it was a lovely ode to fall, combining the nice atmosphere with a little spooky twist at the end. It really took me back to October, and I kinda wish it was fall again right now.

I thought your descriptions were really great. I especially liked the first part where Kelsey was describing how much she loved fall. You make it suuuper clear that it is autumn, with your descriptions of the "crisp orange and yellow leaves" and the smell of pumpkin cookies. It's really great, and sets this sort of nice and happy tone, which only makes the twist at the end all the more twisty.

One critique I have is your pacing could have used work. It was a big story to tell in such a short format, and I think you would normally see a story of this caliber spread out over a novel. Especially with murder, which is a really big plot point, it can often feel like it escalates to quickly. I got that vibe from your piece, but I think it came from trying to fit so much into so little. I'd suggest expanding it.

You also have some issues with grammar and capitalization, especially with dialogue. You often forget to punctuate the end of a piece of dialogue, so here's a hint: if it has a dialogue tag after it, use a comma. If it has an action, use a period. I also think you could do with breaking up the mom's long bit of explanation in the middle, as it was a bit tedious to read.

Overall: I really loved this spooky piece! I thought it had the perfect balance of what makes fall truly fall.




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32 Reviews


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Sun Dec 27, 2020 12:12 am
EtherealGarbage wrote a review...



Hey there!

I disagree with the other person saying that this is too long to be a short story. The average short story should run anywhere from 5,000 to 10,000 words, and this is a couple thousand under that. Though, I believe that anything over 1,000 words fits into the category of short stories. If it were under that, it is probably considered flash fiction.

Some paragraphs are rather bulky, not that it is always a bad thing, but it does make reading through to find anything to edit a little hard to do. I understand that after this long while, you'll probably not want to edit any grammar/small nitpicked things like this one, but if you do ever go back, cutting those up would help it be easier to read.

Paragraphs usually end when the action of the story changes. So think like one person was cooking food, and then when the sit down to eat it, a new paragraph could happen. That was a terrible example, but hopefully it gives you an idea of where to do that.

That ending line is very powerful, and it's one of my favorites from this story. I read that this was for a creative writing class, so I hope that the grade you got in that was great because this deserves a good grade!

Best,
Max




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7 Reviews


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Fri Dec 11, 2020 12:30 am
sunnyduckling says...



just by looking at it, its a bit to long to put into the category of short story, its good! all i can say it is really long, i do enjoy on how you ended it off. i hope you continue to write! i hope to see more, i wonder what you are going to do next. well im off, thank you for writing this story!




lexilewis94 says...


Thank you very much for the positive comment! This story needed to be as long as it is because of my creative writing class, and it was the standard of how long it should be! Thank you!




If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck…you should not be so quick to jump to conclusions.
— Cecil Gershwin Palmer