i am a lost pencil,
unowned and free.
i came up from something,
a big old brown tree.
i was once broken,
by others and by me.
now i'm almost back together,
but i am the best i can be.
(written with a found pencil)
*** note: purposely in all lowercase ***
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,839 Reviews
I love how this short poem can have deep meaning. To someone just skimming, this could mean nothing to them. But to someone like me, who can relate to this poem and does not skim, I can see that the message is deep. I'm not sure if you intended this or not, either way great job!
Hey there, lexihearn01, CocoaCat dropping in with a wee little comment.
I was going to start by talking about the lack of capitals, but that's out of question so let's move on.
The poor, lost pencil. Probably kicked around and stepped on; shoved under objects never to see the light again....well, that got a wee bit dark.
Legacy here for a review.
I love the concept of a broken and lost pencil. I would recommend a stanza break after "a big old brown tree" just because after that it talks about being broken. With the note at the end about being written with a found pencil, it might be cool if you could find a way to include that into the actual poem instead of a note at the bottom. I'm not quite sure how you would do it, but if you find a way, I would love to see it.
The way I read the last few lines naturally in my head was "I was broken by others and by me, but now I'm almost back together, and I'm the best I can be" which is different than how you wrote it. In no way is how you wrote it grammatically incorrect, but it seems awkward (I don't know how else to describe it. Also with "I came from something, a big old brown tree." I read it as I came from a big old brown tree. I personally think that "from something" is unnecessary but you can keep it if you wish.
Hopefully my review was helpful and not sounding too critical. Legacy out.