A Girl of Desperation
When I look into the mirror, I don’t see me but a girl driven mad by fear and grief.
I see a girl with many bruises and scars, and a thousand tear stains.
I see a girl of desperation.
When I look into the mirror,
I no longer see the innocent,
but a girl riddled with revenge, a girl with a constant hunger for some kind of love.
I see a girl of desperation
They will never let her back.
Never accept that the wild has gone out.
All they see is a girl of desperation.
The desperate don’t live they barely grasp survival,
And survival alone is bitter.
Me, a girl not of desperation will no longer grasp survival,
But choose to fully live.
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Canary word: Present
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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
A certainly good composition. And I also can't help but notice that you are new. So we are both new! Aside from that I would like to say add more elements of style to your poem. Like alliteration, consonance...you know what I mean. If you only focus on the message you want to pass through and then you only add a little rhyme here an there, if the poem is recited it would sound more of spoken word. So add more elements of style.They make poems more fun to read and easy to remember.
The poem flows right, it captures the readers attention from line to line. Okay, Let me not speak for the rest, it captured mine. And lastly, let me tell you of what i believe: One should create his or her own style of writing. You should develop a style unique to you. For example if you read a poem written by Shakespeare, even if you don't see the author's name you will be almost sure that the poem is Shakespeare's.I also want to create my own style . Hope i wasn't rude, or harsh. I like your poem and i hope you post more poems
First of all, welcome to the site! Hopefully you'll find it enjoyable here with us.
(I think dumb Nire's got a review for you, rather short, curse her! <_<)
I think the title here indicates exactly what your poem is about. A desperate girl. And, this is a sad poem, I found myself sighing while reading, which is mate, in my opinion, a great gain for you as a writer!
Good starting. But, I think a little careful formatting could help. Like, a line is very long then another one's not. Well, not saying anything about rhyming here, to be clear but try making those three lines FIVE. Not only they'd look more acceptable but also would be easy to read. You get what I'm saying, right? ^^ The same formatting problem I face when I write poetry. In fact, I stink at it :3 (You could have a look if you'd want!)
I like your word choice. Especially "A girl riddled with revenge." In the second line I think you meant "Innocence" and you could easily break the third line into two individual lines.
I liked reading your poetry and it shows the picture of our society too, how we never really help someone's who's desperate instead just make them feel abandoned. I don't have anything to suggest you, really. Just, couldn't understand the last stanza .-. So, only if you could explain..For me?
I don't know if your poetry is really from personal experience, but if it is, I'd like you to hear this:
Spoiler
Have a great day ~
Nire.
NIRE! YOU DUMMY! You left a Youtube link in a review... XD
>.> Left it for lenacass! She'll love it!
I'm sure you're slightly jealous that I never left one for you!
Hi lenacass9 jessiebear hear to wright a short review to help you with your poem and I hope my advise is help fell .
I love the poem and how you express her feeling. But I think you could ad a little bit more of that. Next the riming is fan tactic you don't have to do anything about that. And I think you can bought in a little bit more full stops in. But over all I love the poem and I hope you keep on righting poems. And I hope you will review sum of my poems in other in return.
(But I hope I was not rood are any thing.) So have a good day/night lenacass9.
And give you likes.