Published July 27, 2011
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Hola again!
Or something like that? She is his wife, no? She is supposed to know things.So, this is another really tiny chapter. The one thing I disliked about this is that it doesn't tell us much about the MC. Or about her husband. I mean, there are hints and everything, but this isn't contributing to character development. When you develop your MC, your readers will be able to understand her more.
Plot-wise, this borders on meh. It sounds like the MC is trying to cope with the loss and move on in her own way, but I would like to see the start of some conflict.
This confused me.
Don't end with such an open question. Tell us how the death happened or how the shock was. Something more so that a reader would want to read more. Such an open question will only leave us frustrated because you don't even let us have a glimpse of what happened.
Keep writing!
~Lava
Hullo~ Going to review really quick!
Since I always start off with grammar, please don't be offended!
I think you mean here.
This sentence feels too long, maybe rewrite like this?
"Death or loss doesn't change what you remember, only your emotions and how you feel on a daily basis."
"forgotten my husband, but now that he's gone, I'm some big emotional wreckage. My emotions are in a wreck, but I could never forget him."
I think the "but" sounds better, and you might want to replace the "wreck" in the second sentence because it sounds repetitive.
The first part of your sentence runs on a bit too long, maybe a comma after "wake up" or "shines bright"?
I think you mean "wake up", to continue the present tense in your story.
This part was powerfully written!
Everyone thinks is correct.
Maybe italicize the "Do you remember that time"? And this part was tragic...
Should be "brought".
I think "I'd never been loved" is the correct tense.
I think the character has some self-confidence issues. T.T
Honestly, this doesn't seem realistic. I mean, even the worst parents need some sort of maternal/paternal emotions, right?
Reflection:
You thoroughly go through this woman's emotional pain for the loss of a beloved husband. As a downer, you tend to simplify matters into black and white, something that contrasts with your realistic attitude. In reality, it's always grey, and the lines are blurred, so this woman's thinking is too judgmental and one-sided.
I think you could maybe flash back into a moment where they met? And tell it almost like a story sometimes rather than a narrative.
Hope this helps!