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Hi there.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about this poem. On one hand the flow and structure is beautiful and rolls really well.

On the other hand, I find there are a lot of clichés and worn out sentences here. For example

"I'm not getting any younger"


Clichés are often hard to avoid, you just need to e careful. Besides that, very good.

Beautiful poem ! I love the tone...bland but still poignant keep up the good work

Well done. Enjoyed this a lot. You're 13 and writing poems like this? Crazy.
Just imagine what you will be writing in the next few years. As to the poem, I think a lot has been corrected already, so I won't really add to the grammatical side. I agree though that it needs punctuation! Remember, punctuation is not your enemy, it's your friend, because it can make even just a word stand out and be special. So get commas, periods, etc. in there to make this even more powerful. Experiment, punctuation isn't always set in stone. Especially in poetry, as its quite a free creative process.
That said, I liked your rhyme. Didn't understand the line "I need a new place for me wonder" - it doesn't make sense in my opinion. I liked your alliteration of "rough and rainy". I liked your message. I would say keep the "could" in "But if now I could take the chance" - it has a nice rhythm to it.

Great job, keep writing!

Hi Lele!

I liked it! It was almost like a song, from a Disney movie. Like, "I need to get out of here!". Haha.

I'm tired of the same old days Put a period here.
The same old rough and rainy days Re word this, don't repeat anything as an end word twice in a row

The way I see it Put a comma here.
Life is a maze And a period at the end here.

Pondering and wondering Re word this too, these words basically mean the same thing.

To live my life to its full expanse Comma here
Who knows what will happen next Period here.

To start with, I really liked your poem because the lines are simple and straight forward... The message is nice...

I'm tired of the same old days
The same old rough and rainy days
No, I'm not getting any younger
I need a new place for me wonder (I couldn't understand this.)
The way I see it
Life is a maze (nice line)
And I don't want to end up
Old and crazed
To live and know
That I have wasted days on end
Pondering and wondering
Who I was
But if now I could take the chance (I think it'd be better if 'could' is removed)
To live my life to its full expanse
Who knows what will happen next

Also, I feel that punctuations would make it even better to read...
Personally speaking, it's a treat to read your poems because they always have a good message...

lele253isme wrote:I'm tired of the same old days
The same old rough and rainy days
No, I'm not getting any younger
I need a new place for me wonder (This doesn't quite make sense. You might want to consider some re-phrasing.)
The way I see it,
Life is a maze
And I don't want to end up
Old and crazed
To live and know
That I have wasted days on end
Pondering and wondering
Who I was
But if now I could take the chance
To live my life to its full expanse
Who knows what will happen next

Hello, it's me again! Yes, I am unofficially following you! Scary, right?

Anyway, I really like the message in the poem! The message is to live life to the fullest. The poem's message makes people ponder about life. That's really intriguing how you chose life as your theme for this poem. I also like the end-rhymes you use in this poem. However, like I said to one person, when you rhyme, you either rhyme or you don't rhyme. I'll explain. You see when it comes to rhyming, you need to rhyme at every line. For example,

The clouds floated like balloons-
The rocks look like magical runes.

Or, you could do cross-rhymes. Here's an example if you don't know what a cross-rhyme is or how to cross-rhyme,

I played with the children outside.
We danced like fools.
Now, I need a ride.
I just don't have the tools.

Notice how I rhyme outside with ride and fools with tools. That's how you cross-rhyme. I also noticed something else. I think you should reword "I need a new place for me wonder"." However, overall. I like the poem. It's really intriguing. I also like the details in it. For example,

"Life is a maze
And I don't want to end up
Old and crazed
To live and know
That I have wasted days on end
Pondering and wondering
Who I was"

I like this because of the details. Anyway, I said it once and I'll say it again, keep writing poetry!:)

Very true, again. Your poetry is so simple, yet so honest and true. That's why I love it. I'll get right to the point, though.

I need a place for me wonder