deleted

by lele253isme
  • March 28, 2011
  • Poetry
  • Dramatic

deleted

Comments & reviews · 7
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lele253isme
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lele253isme commented · Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:41 pm

I love you too

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livurdestiny
Review
livurdestiny wrote a review · Wed Jul 27, 2011 6:35 pm

You should have more than 4 comments But since I am reviewing this I must say.We Parade around in each others lives
We conceive our hopes and dreams from lies. That is my favorite part because it really shows the truth about life. Keep up the good work and I love you sis.

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harshita3chaarag
Review
harshita3chaarag wrote a review · Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:06 am

hey there... I read it and loved it.. you've written on something that's true and real.. I've read one more poem like that on YWS... Both of your poems were and are brilliant... I'll just say good job... the flow was smooth and went on fluidly... the concept had me completely captivated and lost into it... well written:)

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Prats
Review
Prats wrote a review · Tue Mar 29, 2011 5:55 am

I really liked the theme of the poem... :) The lines are also nice... :)
The lines that I loved the best are:
"That your face is a canvas
And your hearts an empty shell
You've gone through years in an endless daze
And you've hardly found your way
Into maturity's maze"
Only one thing, if the lines length would have been almost equal in length, that would have added to the flow of the poem...
Anyway, I liked reading this poem... :)

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silentwords
Review
silentwords wrote a review · Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:14 am

I really like the theme of the poem :)
It's simple and well written. The only part that confused me was:

Into mature's maze
I'm not sure if you meant nature or you did mean mature. If you meant mature change it to maturity.
Overall I enjoyed! (:

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flyinginvisible
Review
flyinginvisible wrote a review · Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:52 pm

I like it.
I'd suggest adding punctuation, though, if you want. I think it adds more to everything. :D

That you face is a canvas

your?
Into mature's maze

do you mean nature?
Your still in young

"your" should be "you're" and I'm not sure you need the 'in'.

I really like the point you're making.
Thanks for the awesome read.



You're a hairy, wizard!
— EllieMae