We need to learn how to fall,
Then we should discover how to pick ourselves up.
We all want to change the world,
But we do not realize we need to change ourselves first.
We cut at each others throats and watch them bleed.
Instead of giving out a helping hand, we wave goodbye.
We chase at the dream we do not have,
Yet the one that has our dream, you say does not succeed
We fail to remember how much our egos get in the way.
They stomp on us and forbid us to see who we really are.
We just disregard how to be an existent human being.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Thank you ill try that!
This was really good. It seemed a little bit too smooshed together. You might wantbto double space it.
Heyya. Dreamy here. One nitpick:
"We cut at each others throats and watch them bleed."
That line just doesn't sound right, I'd get rid of it if I were you. Other than that, nice job! I enjoyed this poem. Keep writing! Oh! And thanks for the review of mine.
--Dreamy
Thank you and I agree with the disregard and i changed it!
Hey, Icu! So, hope you're having a good day.
Anyways. On to my review of your little poem here ^_^
Okay, I liked this. I really did. Just because I can relate, especially these past few weeks. Also because I like the idea, how you wrote it, etc etc. So, there was no rhyming pattern but that's not a bad thing. I felt a rhythm going, but it broke in some places, hardly noticeable though since I was so absorbed.
Well, on the last line, I think disregard would be better than disregarded, but that's just my opinion.
Tata.
-Miss Mizzzzzzzz