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What Lies in Slumber and Snow

by layla_danielle13

The boy watched his friend as he slept beside him.

Moments ago, his friend had woken and asked for a few more precious minutes of slumber, and the boy, comfortable in the safe circle of his arms, agreed.

But before the strings of a dream could pull taught and lift him away, his friend sighed into his disorderly hair and whispered,

I hope you know you're the most fascinating thing in the world to me.

And as the boy watched his friend finally slip into the vivid world of false realities and forgotten truths, he wanted nothing more than to be explored. His thoughts, his feelings, laid out bare to the boy before him.

He wanted him to know how safe he felt in the warmth of his arms,.

He wanted him to know how he craved his affection, the touch of his golden skin.

He wanted to walk hand-in-hand with him out into the snow, let the sharp breeze and biting ice make them fresh and pure.

He let his imagination run miles and miles as he too drifted away into the embrace of sleep, resting for a while in his mind away from the overflowing chest of his heart.

And with each pulse that ran through his body, making him blood and flesh and bone, the chest was piled with more and more jewels of happiness, of love, of desire, spilling and leaking through his entire being.

He was radiant.

He was shining.

He was whole.

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1232 Reviews

Points: 119938
Reviews: 1232

Sun Apr 18, 2021 6:09 pm
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MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...

Hi layla_danielle13,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

First of all, welcome here on YWS. I hope you like it here! :D

I immediately noticed the title, which I like very much. I also like your story very much. It's very beautiful, full of figurative depictions and seems like a woolly-warm dream itself, which you only have pale in front of you in the morning before it fades away.

You use very great descriptions and phrases to portray the dream as something tangible yet fragile. You also use the presentation of the text to make some passages stand out. Certainly the whole text could be rewritten to the point where it could become a poem.

And as the boy watched his friend finally slip into the vivid world of false realities and forgotten truths, he wanted nothing more than to be explored.

I think this is the passage I like the most and where I can interpret the most. Precisely because it speaks of a "vivid world", I first assumed that it was a lucid dream, but "vivid" can also be stretched to mean reality, and the friend is just waking up from a coma or a dream to confront the falseness of society.

I find the last part of the sentence very interesting, not only because of my previous interpretation of it as part of modern society, where the media partly dominates people and doesn't always reveal the truth, but also to the philosophical context that man knows everything as soon as he is born. He knows about everything from the past and has memories of things he never experienced, and yet he has forgotten them.

The only criticism I can think of is why it is so short? :D There could have been a lot more in there to lengthen some parts and also give the reader a glimpse into the relationship of the friends. It seems like a parable or a dream, slightly blurred and difficult to interpret. But I think that's also what made it so much fun for me to read it and wonder what was behind all this beauty you applied here.

Anyway, still have fun here on YWS and enjoy your writing!


layla_danielle13 says...

Thank you so much!

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27 Reviews

Points: 184
Reviews: 27

Sun Apr 18, 2021 4:54 pm
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FourLeafClover wrote a review...

Hey! I'm here to review your story!
Okay, so, I would first like to point out that this is really good. You got the feelings across, and it really helps to get somebody into your character's head. You did really well with that!
(I think) your grammar is on point, which is good, because it makes it easy to understand.
I also really like how you used "strings of a dream." It was a really nice and lovely way to put dreaming.
All in all (not the fuel from Cars 2), this is really good, and I can't find any downsides to it. Nice job!

layla_danielle13 says...

Thank you!

True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are, it requires you to be who you are.
— Brené Brown