I have always felt like an outsider in my own body; like, I'll never belong anywhere. Not in the house that I grew up in, not with the friends I have had since I was 15, and not even in my own skin.
So when he held me in his arms and I was a perfect fit, it felt like I could finally breath on my own, and feel the cold air pass through my nose, then into my windpipe, and finally, settle in my lungs. It made me feel like the pulse inside my chest, screaming that it's home, is finally mine—for the first time ever in the 23 years that I have been alive.
Maybe, it isn't exactly a place that I needed to belong to. But, isn't ironic how I feel like I could finally feel like I belong but it is elsewhere than what I could ever own? Something that I can't secure nor have forever? It's his arms after all. Of all the places full of warmth and love—from my mother's touch to my friends' laughter—why was it his arms where I perfectly fit in? His arms that could scoop up another, his arms that could fall off in old age, and his arms that he could simply choose keep to himself.
And so, with furrowed eyebrows, I spill every single one of my worries to him. Yet he simply laughs and pulls me back to his arms and I couldn't help but melt. I am home, I belong, and that's all that matters.
At least, for now that I have him. I still have him.
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140,579 Literary Works • 673,529 Reviews
Hi, lavletter! I really related to this story and knew I had to write a review. So here I am!
This is a really great introduction. You are effectivly introduced to the narrator and what their life is like. My only thing is, "not with the friends I have had since I was 15"
We don't know how old the narrator is so this has no meaning for us. I'd cut it.
The slow process of their breath passing through their body. Something so simple that we take for granted suddenly becoming what this narrator depended on. This is how they know that he's right.
Now we know how old this narrator is. They're 23. That line makes sense now, but earlier it didn't.
This is truly the narrators thought process. Their understanding of what this means. This makes complete sense and yet none to them. Why is this what is home to me and not a literal home?
We're watching as he becomes their confidant. Someone that means everything to our narrator. Yet, I almost wonder if he's not it. The fact that he laughs at our narrator's worries isn't good. Maybe he's not right.
The narrator going back to at least they have him. At least they do.
Overall, I really like this! It shows a lot of promise. Just a few things that don't really work.
Keep living and writing!
MrytleJinn
minasan! i thought i might review this ^^
my first impressions are that it's very unique. i enjoyed the use of repetitive words and other things that are typically seen in a poem, whereas this seems to be more of an essay (take this with a grain of salt if i'm wrong).
this line almost seems to convey neurodivergent traits and feelings, like i have experienced these feelings, like i'm not who i really am, alienated for lack of better words.
i love how it ends on a softer note, talking about how no matter what that one special person will be there for you through your highs and lows. i think it's very important to have someone like that in your life.
i do have a specific question here
i'm not sure the use of a comma in this line is grammatically correct, although i'm not one to talk about that. i think the line would be better written without the comma, like this
I have always felt like an outsider in my own body; like I'll never belong anywhere.
using the word like to compare rather than a placeholder where a word isn't needed. again, i'm not sure if this is intentional or not, and if it is please forgive my mistake.
another last question i have is you never really explained what oikeiôsis was. i had to look it up, and then i could understand it, but i think it would be useful to have the meaning in the poem.
anyway, that's all for this review, i have a green room to return to! i hope you have a great day and keep writing amazing work!
arigato!
yuuki (aka kiki)