Are you still gonna love me
If I change?
Are my emotions ever gonna be
Too much to handle?
Are our small arguments
Gonna turn into big ones?
Will my little things you love
Turn into little annoying things?
Are our butterflies
Gonna turn into stillness?
Will our loud, fun times
Turn into quiet, boring times?
Will another girl's beauty
Ever overcome mine?
Will we ever try everything
And nothing be new?
Will your eyes still light up
After seeing me all the time?
Will our I love you's
Ever turn into silence?
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,796 Reviews
Kat here to review.
Honestly, these are questions I am often too afraid to ask myself, I have been dating my current boyfriend for over a year and I'm worried it's getting or will get stale and that's my biggest fear. So good job at being relate-able and relevant. Though the subject matter was touching and I enjoyed how you used the constant bombardment of questions, I felt like the work as a whole was lacking something. Because it is a string of questions you sacrificed the ability to describe in depth what this person is feeling. However, you were more effective in instilling the feeling of fear and doubt which I think was your intention all along. I guess it's good how much this poem makes me hurt inside and worry because it means you did something right.
Hiii lauren!
<3Okay, so I see the point of this, this girl is questioning the future of her and her boyfriend, and it kind of left me with a bittersweet taste. It was sad, but sweet. I don't know if this was your own personal piece, but I will say, I would totally question as you have here. I don't know who wouldn't. You've made this so relatable, because it's so true.
This question resounded the loudest in me:
I'm not quite sure what you mean by this. It didn't make much sense when I read it through the first time, and looking at it again, I'm honestly confused. Could you try to clarify that some more? Looking at it again, I can take a stab at what you're implying. Do you mean when you and This Person try a new thing, it doesn't have that exciting thrill of something new, it's just bland and boring like you've done it a million times? ...
I would like some detail on that.
I'm not sure if I like the "Gonna"s in here. They sound a little sloppy.
The last five questions begin with a "Will", but the top three with "Are"s. I'm thinking you should just stick with one type of question word. Either "Will" or "Are". Changing this to "Will" would help eliminate the "gonna"s. For example, Are you still gonna love me If I change? could be "Will you still love me if I change?" And so on for the other questions.
I think you should have some consistency with the question words, and not jump around so much.
I felt like this ended very abruptly. The whole poem was just questions Inner Girl is asking boyfriend; it started like that, and ended like that. I think you should end on a different note. Maybe question him again, but in a "Or will you...", and leave us with that hanging thought, whether it be positive or negative.
But thank you for sharing this with us! Like I said earlier, some of these questions really left an impression on me. If nobody else can, simply know this: I can relate!
If you have any questions about anything I said, be sure to let me know.
And keep up your writing! : D
cheers!
Hello, Lauren. It's just Knight Ink leaving a review for your poem.
So this is a poem talking about the insecurities of love, about the possibility that the speaker's boyfriend will eventually leave her for another girl. I haven't been in a relationship with anybody but I believe I can understand that a person in a relationship may sometimes wonder if their date is tiring of them. My favorite lines in this poem are:
I would just suggest to italicize or put quotation marks around the "I love you" but that's just a nitpick
But it makes me wonder what I can take away from this poem. Well, I suppose I can understand the speaker's insecurities. Looking at your description, I see that you're wondering about love that's falling apart, but I want to ask you anyway: What are you trying to accomplish in the poem? Are there any feelings you want to evoke in the readers? I suppose that's just my personal opinion that I don't really like poems comprised entirely of questions, though
I also wish there was more "poetic" language in there. There's a ton of imagery and metaphors and personification and others that you can incorporate in your poem that can form a distinct impression on the reader. I'm not saying poems with not much imagery are bland or anything; it's simply my opinion as a reader that I prefer to have poems with imagery, but in the end, it's up to you, the poet, to decide what to do with it.
That's all I've got to talk about here. PM me if you have any questions or comments and have a great day!