Published December 9, 2010
lets go out lets go to town
we have so much to see
like the sycamore trees
I want to go on this ride
because i have you by my side
I am so happy
we are getting out
and going all around
Now i want to go downtown
We are together
almost like one
I am so happy
lets soak up the sun
Its all fine
I am so glad I have someone
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139,643 Literary Works • 672,638 Reviews
Hi there- so, I have to agree. This doesn't feel like a full song. Maybe a bridge or something? I would continue with this one and lengthen it out a bit. Also, I would try extending the vocabulary. In some lines, the wording is very basic and doesn't really convey much. Perhaps add in some more imagery and have a little toss up with your word choice. Overall, though, nice piece.
-Coral-
My impression of this was that the idea was good but it wasent worked out more then 50%. Unless if this was a small poem this was very good but since its in the lyrics section, I reviewt this as a lyric. There isnt much to review here. Please edit and turn this into a song. After you are done PM me and I can check it again with a better review.
On this last line shouldnt you say Now I want to go to downtown.Any ways please work on this more. I can see the idea is very good. Just please work on it and it will all go well