Lauren's Fate

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Lauren's Fate 18

CHAPTER ONE: Meeting Lauren

Lauren was a fifteen-year-old girl who had special powers. She was tall and slim, with long, brown hair and brown eyes. She lived with six family members: her mom, dad, three siblings, and an uncle. She was the only one that had these special powers. She could read minds. She often let loose and read her family's minds. She went to a normal school ever since preschool.

When she was little, Lauren was confused at why she kept getting random, unknown thoughts in her head that were obviously not hers. They were much too advanced to be her own thoughts, and the topics were far from what she thought about. In school, Lauren was always looking down, because she found out when she looked at people, that was when she got those confusing thoughts. She was constantly reprimanded for this, though. Teachers were always telling her to "look up," or "pay attention". Lauren wasn't sure how she would explain that she was hearing thoughts that weren't hers, so she just stayed quiet, and tried her best to keep out the other thoughts,

As she got older, she learned that she could read minds. She also learned to control the powers so that she could use them to her advantage. She liked to go on adventures, exploring the city and reading people's minds. Sometimes, she'd even go into forbidden places and use her powers to make people think they didn't need to be there so she could get through. It was risky, but not with these powers.

CHAPTER TWO: The Adventure

One day, during summer vacation, Lauren woke up and decided that she want to go on an adventure unlike any she had ever been on. She was up for extreme danger and adventure.

So she got out of bed and threw on some clothes. After writing a quick note to her family that she would be back for dinner, she left the house and waited at the nearby bus stop. She saw that the next bus to The Forbidden Area wasn't going to be there for another half hour, and started thinking about what she would do when she got there. The Forbidden Area was a large area and there were many places to go. She decided to go to the Castle, just to fool the sentries into letting her visit the King and Queen, but not really seeing them, just to fool the sentries.

Finally, the bus came and she got on. the familiar sounds of a crowded bus filled her ears as she scanned her pass at the front. She sat down next to a young woman, probably around the age of twenty or thirty. She soon was absorbed in an interesting conversation about the history of The Castle. Her acquaintance seemed to know a lot about The Forbidden Area, more than Lauren would ever know. As they exchanged information, (Lauren wanted to keep in touch with this lady in case they never met again.) The bus came to a halt and they said goodbye as Lauren departed into the early morning. The sky was a sunset orange color, Lauren's favorite color. She stood there for a moment, stunned, and watched as the sun came up and lit the royal village. She set off to the nearby Castle and came to her first assignment, a ' sentry guarding the path to the gate. She sat there pondering what she would make the sentry want. She finally went over and after a short argument with the sentry, made him crave doughnuts. He dashed inside and Lauren dashed in after him before he could close and lock the door. She stood in the shadows where he wouldn't be able to spot her. She went down the hall that she knew led to The Royal Meeting Room. As expected, she was met by three of the King's men. After scattering one to the left for the bathroom, another to the well for water, and the third to the right for new shorts, (She made him think they were too dirty to be presentable) she continued on past the gate to where two more sentries awaited. One ran off to the kitchen for a snack, and the other dashed off for the bathroom. She crept on to where one guard stood blocking the Royal Meeting Room. They figured that if the person could get through the other five, there was no need, but just to be safe, they put one. He ran off to the kitchen. Finally, Lauren appeared, grinning, into The Royal Meeting Room, where the King and Queen awaited at the head of the large table, on which sat a thousand different dishes, luxuriously placed around the table.

Now staring at the King and Queen, both of whom were looking taken aback, she grinned carelessly and ran out. As she proceeded down the hall, sentries standing guard at gates ran after her; but she didn't care. Sending a few sentries here and another few there, she was down to only one sentry chasing her; and sent him to stand guard at one of the gates. Finally, she was free. "Sometimes, The Castle needs a little excitement in it!" she thought as she made her way to the bus stop.

CHAPTER THREE: Coming Home

She rode the bus to The Food Court, where she paid for a barbecue chicken sandwich, no trickery. When she boarded the bus again to go home, she sat next to an old man, most likely in his sixties; who slept the whole way. Lauren was a very talkative person and did not like this, so she attempted to talk to the people around her. Nobody seemed to have much interest and she felt she had used her powers enough that day, so she just went into random people's minds and zoned out until the bus stopped; and it was time to get off. She didn't go straight home, for it was not quite time for dinner; and she had promised to be home by dinner. So she went over to one of her friends' houses, where she talked to her friend Lucy until dinnertime. When Lucy went for dinner, Lauren meandered home; where she was met at the door by her Uncle James. Behind him, the seven-year-old twins; Matthew and Sadie stood whispering suspiciously as always. Those two were always up to no good! Mick, their twelve-year-old brother, stood by their parents; as grown-up as ever. Lauren had to admit, she could be quite immature sometimes.

As she sat down to hot, steaming, tomato soup, she recalled what she had done that day. Basically she just woke up, stampeded The Castle, ate lunch, went to Lucy's, and came home. Sounds simple, but it was a very complex thing to do. She didn't need to ask what her family did that day, she just read their minds. She liked freaking them out when she asked how the pool was or whatever else they might have done.

After dinner, Lauren played chess with Mick. She didn't look at the board to play chess, she stared at Mick's eyes the whole time, but it didn't so much as inconvenience her. Mick saw the board, so she just used the image from his head, and used his logic as her own. She liked using her powers when playing games. These games were always quite interesting.

She took a shower and went back out into her living room to talk to her parents. She even used her powers when having a conversation. If they were thinking about an answer, she would find things that they were sorting through to find what to say, and narrow it down until she got the answer. When she finally said goodnight, she went into each sibling's room and hugged them goodnight. Then, she retired into her room for the night to do things on her computer until she could finally sleep

CHAPTER FOUR: Friends With The Kingq

The day after Lauren went to the library to find out about the Forbidden Area, she decided that she wanted to go back into it. This time, she would actually have an intended purpose; tobecome friends with the King and Queen. It would not be an easy task, but she was up for the challenge. This time, when she left the house, her whole family was up; and the twins begged to come with her.\par\ql \par\ql \tab "No, it's too dangerous. I have to do this alone." She insisted.\par\ql \par\ql \tab "But they will see how cute we are and just friend you without a second thought!" Sady commented innocently.\par\ql \par\ql \tab "Yeah, but I'd prefer to take the challenge alone." Lauren insisted, stuck on her point. She finally escaped the pleading looks of Sady and Matthew by walking out the door. She ignored the loud, obnoxious yelling from the twins. She finally reached the bus stop, where she couldn't hear them anymore. When she boarded, she saw that the lady that had been on there the first day was on there again. They had a lively conversation discussing the rumors of why The Forbidden Area was forbidden. The lady said that The Forbidden Area was forbidden because that was where the important stuff was and they couldn't risk robbery. But Lauren thought that The Forbidden Area was forbidden because The Royals needed their privacy. They argued for the whole bus ride about which one was correct, and had not gotten anywhere when the bus stopped for Lauren to get off. They bade farewell and Lauren got off the bus. When she got off the bus, the sun was already halfway up above the horizon. "The King andqueen will be having lunch now!" Lauren thought. "So I can make all of the guards hungry for lunch!" It was the kind of thing she liked to do. Figure out what the King and Queen were doing and figure out what she could make the sentries want.

When she got to the gate, Lauren just stood there, not saying anything. Then all of a sudden, the sentries walked inside; abandoning their posts. She followed on through, anticipating the time when she could be there in front of the King and Queen. But she had to focus on getting the guards to lunch before she could get to where she wanted to go. She came upon another set of guards and stood staring at them for a minute (or so they thought) before they ran off to lunch. Then she meandered through the gate they were previously guarding and reached the last gate. Off to lunch they went, and she walked boldly through the gate into the King and Queen's lunchroom. She was glad she didn't have to worry about Sady or Matthew getting tired, bored, or wanting a little fun. They would have totally given her away. But she had left without a word and she was glad of it! As she stood in front of the many trays of luxurious food, carefully placed on the gold-laced table; she thought for the first time of what she would say. These were Royals she was standing in front of, not the usual commoners. Everything she said seemed so stupid compared to the exquisite language she had heard them use. Finally, she came up with something that was not as bad as her usual talk.

"May I take the honor of getting to know the highest Royals I have yet seen?" she asked, trembling from head to toe and being as careful as ever with her words so as not to say something wrong. They stared at her for a moment, then talked in curious whispers to each other. Then, the King said, "May I ask your purpose of interrogation?"

This time, she shook more than ever. Basically, the King was asking, "Why?" She thought about this for a moment.

"It would be an honor to make an acquaintance with a Royal." then she used her powers. She made the Queen think it was fine, and that she should tell her husband to cut it out and accept her request. The Queen leaned over to her husband and whispered so rapidly that Lauren couldn't make out any part of what she was saying.

"You may stay to get to know us, but I'm not very pleased about it." the King said, looking at her with displeasure.

"Thank you very much sir. Is there anything I can do to repay your kindness?" she asked, tentatively. The King and Queen looked at each other, and then started whispering again. Then the Queen spoke up.

"Yes. There are people that try and succeed to break into The Forbidden Area, and rob banks and steal stuff from the castle. I would like you to find them all and bring them to me. Then we can punish them accordingly. Is that a feasible task?" Lauren pondered this for a while.

"I accept my task. I shall find all of the criminals and bring them to you. Is that what you are asking me to do?"

"Yes." The Queen said.

"And I shall do just that!" replied Lauren, ready for the challenge. She sat down, looking questioningly at the Royals. The King looked cross, but the Queen looked pleased with herself.

"So how many people are trying to break into the Forbidden Area? Just so I can get a feel for how many people I am setting out to find." The Queen looked at her for a minute, then started whispering rapidly to the King.

"Three.And what do you want to know about us? We just live normal lives in the castle, except that we get to have guards, security, and more money!"

"I have heard otherwise. Is it true that you get access to all of the vaults in the bank? Or that you receive gold every day just for being King and Queen? And is it true that you get to see all of the historical sites for free? See, this is why I want to have a bond with you because I've heard all these things!"

"I mean, also for the honor, and for the pure courage and gut it takes to do it!" The King looked enraged as ever, but the Queen kept calm.

"In case you haven't noticed, that purely enrages us, but I am determined to keep calm. Yes, to all those questions. Though we don't take advantage of those opportunities, because we are busy with our duties. But I will warn you, if you are trying to get to know us just for the opportunities, I will tell you, you will not get those opportunities. It will just be like it always has been, no new opportunities for you or your family. We do not grant special offers just because we have met and we know a lot about each other, which we don't know that much about each other. So no, no new opportunities. But is there anything else you want to o about us?"

Lauren thought for a moment.

"Well, what does your normal day look like?" she asked.

"Just like yours, but more complex. How, you ask? Because we have to pay taxes and stuff. Learning complex languages are another thing we do that is probably a bit different than your normal day. Some days, we have to run to one of the banks or another part of the castle to retrieve our stuff from a robber's hands. That's why we ask you to catch the robbers. That's all I will say to you. Good bye. You are dismissed." the Queen said decisively.

Lauren got up and left. She didn't want to anger the Royals, so she did what she was told.

CHAPTER FIVE: Breaking The News

As she exited the gates, she didn't have to mess with the sentries' minds. They let her through, since they wanted her to leave. It was simple to get out, much simpler than getting in. She just opened all the gates and ran out.

When she got to the bus stop, she saw that there were no more bus routes to her area; and no transfers to buses that would go to her house. She had no choice but to walk home. It was a dangerous walk. There were lots of scary towns between her home and The Forbidden Area.

On her way through a town of which she did not know the name of, but which was famously dangerous; two thieves came up behind her and tried to distract her enough to steal her pack, which contained the following: her phone, her note book (in which she had written all she found out about the Royals), some napkins, andrandom other things. She noticed that she didn't have her pack as she left and snatched it back. She got into the thieves' minds and saw that they needed the money in there. She looked at her bag and saw that it was open. "No wonder they knew that they could get good stuff from it!" she thought. It was usual for her to be this oblivious of where her stuff was and if it was safely hidden in her pack. In another town, someone attempted to lure her into their house, but she pretended to be going to her house across the street. When he closed the door, she ran on until she got out of that town; where she slowed to a walk. After walking through three more towns, she finally got to her town; where she got a taxi to come for her for extra money. It was almost midnight, so she had to pay extra to get them out of bed. When she finally arrived home, all of the lights were off, so she had to go to a neighbor to spend the night. She knew she should go home, but she didn't want to disturb her family. At one in the morning, she was awakened by a call from her mom.

"Lauren! Which the heckare you?" her mom's frantic voice squawked from the other line.

"Mom, I got home at midnight and the lights were off in the house. I'm right next door. Don't worry. I'm pretty competent. Competent enough to take a bus by myself and get away from thieves, creepy people, and walk home from The Forbidden Area because there were no more buses out. Then, call a taxi to take me home. So calm down! I'm fine!"

"NEXT time, call me Lauren, okay? I was worried sick! The Forbidden Area is dangerous, you could get caught with powers and be put in jail!"

"Mom! I could use my powers to make them think otherwise. As long as they make eye contact with me, long enough for me to look into their minds. Which they will soon enough do so I'm not worried about that!"

"Oh, your right! Oops! I forgot you could make people think things as long as you could read their minds. Okay, see you in five hours Lauren!"

"Okay, bye Mom, see ya!" Lauren said, relieved to get to sleep again.

"When she woke up, Lauren heard the usual clink and clatter of silverware, plates, and breakfast being served. But she didn't want breakfast at the neighbors' house. She wanted to go home. So she went out, trying her best not to sound ungrateful, for she was very grateful; before she ran out the door and into her house.

Mick greeted her at the door, surprised that someone was ringing the doorbell so early. When he opened the door, she threw her arms around him; getting ready to be scolded from her parents. Then, before anyone could say anything, she sat down at the table.

"Okay, so I saw the King and Queen yesterday. They didn't seem to be very easy-going people. I mean," she looked towards the door. "I did use my powers a little, but not that much, I only wanted the Queen to convince the King to let me in so I could talk to them. And, they gave me a mission to repay their kindness." she looked out the window. "Well, um, She said that their life is just like ours, but they have to pay bills and keep watch on the Court and Bank; and make sure the guards there are doing their job. And," she looked at them sincerely for the first time since she got there. "She said they do get free visits to the parks and things like that, but no new opportunities just because I met them. So, that's what I found; no questions because I don't know anything else."

"What's your mission?" Matthew asked. Lauren kneww he was thinking about the missions on his video games. He was way off.

"Oh, well, I have to find the three people that keep stealing from the Bank and Castle. I think I know who they are, so I'm going to bring them to the Forbidden Area tomorrow. Then, I promise I'll be home for three weeks! Then, I have to start school. I'm going to be in tenth grade, but I have to bring these people back to the King and Queen because they will be expecting me soon." Lauren replied. She wanted to cover any comments that might come up so that she could start eating. No one said anything, so she asked for food and she was given scrambled eggs and sausages, which was the usual breakfast. She decided that she would stay at home for three days, one for each criminal; before capturing all three criminals. She wanted to spend time with her family too not just go on missions all of the time. She had this feeling in her gut that she was one of the people that they were talking about, running through the castle, getting lucky (Or so they thought!) coming upon open gates. She didn't want to think about that now, not when she was safely at home with her three younger siblings, mom, dad, and uncle. As she ate dinner, she thought about what she had done that day; and whether she could have done anything different. She decided that she did what she had to do when she was trying to get stuff out of the King and Queen. She only used her powers on them once, just to get her pointed in the right direction.

When she went to bed that night, Lauren stayed awake thinking about capturing those three people. It would be a big job, they wouldn't want to admit it; and she'd have to use her powers. She didn't like using her powers in that type of situation because at some point she would have to reveal that she had powers to make them come to her and not fight her. Or maybe she could tell them they were going to steal things from the castle. She would just have to tell them to stay a little ways back so that they didn't hear that they were captured.

CHAPTER SIX: Capturing Two

When Lauren woke up on the third morning without going anywhere she planned out her day in her head. She'd go to the first person's house, tell them they were going to steal something from the castle together. Then, she would go to the next two houses and make them do the same. She would interrogate them each separately, so not to arouse any issues, if they said no, she would break into their minds. If they still said no, she'd reveal her powers. That would make them come.

When she got to the first person's house, she found that they were not home. "Ugh!" she thought. What am I supposed to do?"Should I do this tomorrow? should I get the other two and get the first one tomorrow?" She decided she would get the second two and come back and get the other one tomorrow. When she got to the second person's house, she saw pure adventure in the person's eyes as they opened the door.

"You're the fourth person that always breaks into the castle, but you never take anything!" The person said. This was a great start for Lauren.

"Yeah, I'm thinking I want to go back there, do you want to come with me? I'm afraid one of your gang members won't be able to come, they're not home; and I'm not sure if the other member is home or not, but if they're not, we can go together. You'll have to stay a little behind when I go to make the guards let us in. By the way, how do you make the guards let you in?"

"No, I don't want to go. I'm always dragged and I'm not part of making the guards let us in; but they torture the guards into letting us in so we can steal. I don't like it." This was a shock to Lauren, who thought to herself, "I'm going to have to tell him of my\i powers! Nooooo!"

"Hey, Want to know how I make the guards leave? I have powers. I can make them think something so they have to leave their posts. I'll use them on you if you don't come with me. I have no problem with that." The man looked at her with surprise. "Really?"

"Yes! What do you think I am lying! I seriously do have powers! I can use them on you without you even knowing!" The man said, "I'll come, just don't use them on me!"

"Okay, fine, but just so you know; the powers won't hurt you. They're fine." "Just don't."

"Okay, Don't worry. I won't use them on you!"

So they wandered off down the road.

"I know where the next person is." the man said.

"So do I." Lauren replied plainly. They kept walking along until they found the third person's house. Lauren told the man to stay hidden while she went to the door. She rang the doorbell and was greeted by a man about six feet tall. Lauren was slightly bewildered, but that didn't stop her from doing what she came to do. The third person gave the same reaction as the second.

"I have no intention to go to the Forbidden Area today." the man said.

"Really, not even to steal stuff with your buddy?"

"He's not my buddy, he's my enemy!"

"Oh, which one? Which one lives about a mile from you?"

"I don't know their names. They force me out with my house and drag me to the Forbidden Area."

"Sorry to hear that, but I guess you will think the same thing of me. I would like to go to the Forbidden Area with you and another of your enemies. I'm sorry, just one last time; then no one will ever try to take you to the Forbidden Area again! Just come with me." Lauren said. "Muhahaha, because they'll all be in jail!" Lauren thought evilly. He stepped outside his front door.

"Fine, I'll come with you people (something worse, but I'm not going to put it!)"

"Good, come out this way. The other person is over here. He's waiting beside your house."

"Why is he on my lawn?"

"He's not, he's in the alleyway between the two houses. You don't have to get so protective, it's not like he's going to steal anything; he's in the same position as you are. Even though he seems to come along more willingly. he still is pulled out with his house to go to the Forbidden Area. He hates it too. I also had to reveal my powers to him. So come on, let's get this over with!" Lauren explained.He followed her out of the yard and out to the alleyway where the second person waited impatiently for them.

"Let's go." Lauren said, and they followed her out to the street where she commanded them to hold on to her wrists so she knew that they were both still there. When they arrived at the bus stop, she instructed them to hold on tighter. While the second person held tighter to her wrist, the third man attempted an escape; but she grabbed him by the wrist. He growled with frustration, but held on to her wrist with intense strength; and they boarded the bus. On the way there, the second man started talking absentmindedly to himself. Lauren was all business, so she ignored him. One of the men slipped away, but she didn't notice because the man was holding on so hard that the force was still there when the man let go. She looked over at them and noticed that there was no hand on her wrist. She stared at him and he came over to her. Then, he clenched his hand around her wrist and they got off the bus. When they were off, and a little away from the castle, she shook her wrists out of their grasps; and turned to stand in front of them. The two of them grabbed onto her wrist and she continued down the sidewalk.

"Stay here while I use my powers to make them go. I'll be quick, don't worry." Lauren explained and the two of them grunted in disappointment.

She wandered casually up to the guard,"I'm here bringing two of the three men that break into the castle here and steal things, if you're interested of course." Lauren added quickly. The manopened the gate and stood back for her to go in with them. Lauren beckoned to the men and then escorted them to the Castle where the King and Queen were waiting for her to come so they could drag the criminals off to the jail cells. When she got to the door, the Queen stepped out of the doorway

"Where is your other gang member? Ready for jail? Come on." She snapped. The two men looked frantically at her, angry expressions forming on their faces. But the King came to her rescue.

"What she means to say is, come with us." He directed them toward one with the many stairways, which Lauren assumed led to jail cells and interrogation rooms. As she turned to go, she heard the Queen's voice call after her. "Hey, you, What's your name?" Lauren turned.

"I'm Lauren. You want me to come?"

"Yes." the Queen replied. So Lauren turned back and ascended the many stone steps. When she reached the top, she found a door open to the left, and she entered the vast, pure white room beyond.

"The room in which you are standing is Interrogation Room 1. This is the room in which we do the first trial in. The convicted criminal will be secured in a cell while we examine carefully the results. When we have decided, we will take the criminals out of their cells and into Interrogation Room 2 to tell them what we have decided. Then, if they are innocent, we let them go; and if they are guilty, we lead them back to their cell. Understand?" the King announced.

"Yes." Lauren and the two men said.

"Okay, let's start. How did the stealing thing start?" the Queen asked them.

"The other guy." both men said.

"Can you list names? Who is this other guy?" The King asked.

"No, I don't know." replied Lauren, and the other two guys.

"What was your part in the robbery of this castle?" asked the King, addressing the second man.

"I was sitting there working at my house one day, when someone knocked on my door, he must have seen me coming back from my daily walk and followed me I did not notice, I was thinking about work. He knocked, and I didn't know what someone would want from me, so I opened the door. The guy asked me if I would accompany him to the Forbidden Area. What I saw was an innocent man that wanted someone to go here with him, whatever the reason was didn't matter to me then. So I said yes, but that it couldn't take long; I had to get back to work; but the guy waved it away. When I got outside, I saw him," the man pointed at the other criminal. "And I was confused. If the guy already had someone, why would he need me. So I tried to break away, but so guy snatched me back. I accompanied them there, but I was not part of any of it. He tortured the guards into letting us in and then he stole. I told him it was not right, what he was doing, but he didn't listen. So when he knocked on my door the next day, and I looked through the curtains to see who it was; I saw him and ran to the bathroom, where I had a lock that was sworn to be shatter proof." The man looked away and sighed. "But the front door was not shatter proof." They got in and cut a hole in every door they came across, including the bathroom and they had a gun. The first man held me at gunpoint and told me they would fire if I didn't come out, so I came out of course. It was that or get killed.I've patched the holes and replaced the front door, but now all he has to do is show me a gun and I'm scared enough to come out; and that's my story. It goes the same all the time." The man stopped and took a deep breath.

"And you?" the Queen asked the third man.

"Pretty much the same. Except I was not brave enough to tell him it was wrong." the third man said.

The King took out some handcuffs. The Queen put them on the criminals.

"We'll call you out when we've decided your fate." the King said.

CHAPTER SEVEN2: Lauren's Fate

"And Lauren, we'd like your story. Is it you that has been breaking in, appearing here and then run away?" the Queen asked.

Is this it? Have they really caught me? Lauren thought, as she took a deep breath. I guess I'll just admit that it was me...I don't have to tell the whole truth

"Yes, I admit it was me." Lauren said, with her head down. She did not want to use her powers when she was confessing, though she would lie.

"How did you get through?" the Queen asked again.

"I don't know why, but they always needed to go somewhere when I appeared. Not my fault." Lauren lied, trying her best to make it sound real and innocent.

"Why did you do it?" inquired the King.

"I have always been wanting to meet with you, but I was trying to gather up enough courage to do so." Lauren lied again. This time a little more confidently. She was a good liar, but she didn't usually need to lie. She'd just use her powers.

"How old are you, Lauren?" the Queen asked.

"Fifteen." Lauren replied, glad to be able to tell the truth again.

"Really, that young?" asked the King. Lauren nodded. "I'm sorry, but we are only following protocol. We must lock you up in a cell too, while we ponder our info."

"But I still need to collect the other guy, The main man! Don't you want me to get the cause of all this?"

"We can send someone else on that trip. I'm sorry." said the Queen. She took out some more handcuffs and fastened them around Lauren's wrists. Then, she took the chain that held the cuffs together and led Lauren out of the Interrogation Room, down the stairs, up another set of stairs, and into a room lined with jail cells. She led Lauren into a cell with no other people in it. Lauren stared at her, but didn't use her powers. Next, the Queen slammed the cell door. Then, Lauren looked around at her surroundings. She was in a cell that she recognized as the see proof and soundproof cell. She sat down, assuming she would be in here a while. Just then, the cell door opened and the King stepped in.

"We're talking to some of your family members. Mind controlling powers, eh? Lied to us, did you? Figured we couldn't find out. Didn't assume we could find out all your info by just installing a camera in private to watch your every move out in the real world."Lauren wouldn't deal with any of it. "So what's my sentence?" she asked. "Better get used to this room, for your remaining days will be spent in it." the King replied. Lauren nodded and pretended to nestle. She had quite easily noticed that the King did not make eye contact with her. Apparently her mom had told on her. She always told Lauren that she would. The King left her in peace with a slam of the cell door and she stood up. "The rest of my days! The rest of my days!" The phrase ran through her head. She would spend the rest of her days there, nowhere else. The words echoed in her mind as she drifted into a deep sleep on the tile floor of the cell. Each day, at 6 A.M. 12 P. M., and 6 P. M. she received food and water from the guards. Each time they came and she was awake, she apologized for controlling their minds. Twice a week she would get to come out of her cell, while all the other inmates were taken to another room of cells, so she could come out and get a change of scenery. This was how she lived the rest of her life, until she was 36 and she died, very sick from the conditions.

EPILOGUE:

Mick pulled up a chair outside, where the twins were talking about their youth and complaining that they were getting old. It was very early, and that beautiful sunset color that was Lauren's favorite color was shown on the horizon. I hope they let her go outside to see this. He thought. Just then, as if on cue, Mick heard the phone ring and dashed to get it. He was the in charge type and was very proud of it too. The twins, hearing it, ran over and asked to answer it, but Mick knew better than to let them--they would only mess up and confuse the caller. Even at 29, they still were pretty immature according to his standards, high as they may be. Besides, he was older and therefore the one that must answer the phone anyway.

Before he could say 'hello', a voice appeared on the line that he did not want to hear, and that he had heard 26 years ago when his sister had been imprisoned for something she couldn't help.

"Hello. This is the King. Sorry to interrupt, but we have some terrible news for you. Please acknowledge that you are listening to me." Mick's heart raced. What could this be?! He thought to himself.

"This is Mick. And yes, I'm listening."

"Due to the harsh conditions of her overprotective cell, and despite our medical attempts at saving her, your beloved Lauren is long gone, my dear."

"What?! NOOOOOO!!!!"

"My deepest apologies my dear. Good bye now." Click. Line went dead.

"YOU CAN'T JUST DO THAT!!!" Mick raged. "YOU DIDNT EVEN LET US VISIT, OR SAY GOODBYE!HOW COULD YOU LET HER DIE WITHOUT EVEN TELLING US!!!" Mick screamed into the receiver to the buzzing noise that meant that the phone was off the hook. He slammed the receiver down in its place, and sat down where he was, tears streaming down his face. He felt terrible. He had missed Lauren already and now it had become even worse. His thought were all of never seeing his sister ever again. Sadie, seeing him, rushed over and kneeled next to him. She had gone back on the grass and had been talking to Matthew again.

"What? What is it Mick? What's wrong?" Sadie asked.

Mick sniffed. He didn't like crying in front of his family.

"Sh-She's d-dead." He managed.

"Y-you're kidding right?"

"NO SADIE! IM NOT KIDDING! LAUREN'S DEAD, THE KING JUST CALLED AND TOLD ME! ITS NOT JUST A BAD DREAM! ITS REAL, SADIE!! WHY WOULD I BE CRYING IF I WAS KIDDING? WHO WOULD EVEN KID ABOUT THAT?! HER BEING IN JAIL ISNT BAD ENOUGH, SO I HAVE TO KID ABOUT HER BEING DEAD? WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP IDEA IS THAT?!"

Sadie looked at a loss for words. Mick was frustrated that she hadn't started crying too. he was one of the stronger people in the family. He usually never cried. He hadn't even cried when he'd heard that his sister would be in a prison cell for the rest of her life. Finally, Sadie alsolooked like she was about to cry also. She seemed like she was just barely holding in the tears.

"We'll miss her..." Sadie said. But Mick was still exploding.

"MISS HER?! ITS WORSE THAN MISSING HER! ITS NOT LIKE WE'LL BE ABLE TO SEE HER ANYMORE!! OF COURSE WE'LL MISS HER!!!! SHE'S GONE!!!!!!" He yelled. His sister was so calm, he couldn't stand it. Reality most likely had not hit her yet.

"How could they let her die without even letting us see her?" Sadie said, tears starting to stream down her face. She took her arm off his shoulders and curled into a little ball on the ground, rocking herself. she's so calm! Mick thought as he watched her out of the corner of his eye. How is she still so calm?!

"THATS WHAT IVE BEEN TRYING TO SAY THIS WHOLE TIME! THEY DIDNT EVEN TELL US SHE WAS DYING! THEY DIDNT EVEN LET US SAY GOODBYE TO HER! WE DIDNT GET TO SEE HER TAKE HER LAST BREATH... THEY DID! IT ISNT FAIR!"

Sadie took a deep breath. By this time, Matthew had come in. Without asking, he already knew what happened, and was kneeling on his brother's other side, also crying.

When their parents woke up, the three siblings were huddled up on the couch, crying together. Their uncle had left them several years before, headed off to somewhere else. To where was unknown. Mick stood up, and spoke to his confused parents.

He sniffed. "The King called. L-Lauren d-died this morning." Then, the twins got up, and the family of five hugged each other in silence. Everyone was crying, and there wasn't really much else to do right then.

Life went on in that family, but it was much more dull. All hope of ever seeing Lauren again was lost. Time seemed to drag they all went to work, but nothing was the same anymore.

One day, Mick got curious about the history of the location of his sister's adventures. He went to the library with Matthew and Sadie, and together they found all that they could. Sadie took up searching the web, while he and Matthew searched the library.

"Hey Mick! How does this sound?" Sadie called, and he hurried over.

"The Forbidden Area, first constructed in 1100 A.D., is a mystery to men, women, and children alike. This mysterious city can only be accessed by public transit, for those routes are not monitored, nor mapped out. The only place to find bus routes are at bus stations, located frequently along city streets. The Royal Court is the only monument in the Forbidden area that has never been rebuilt, remodeled, or otherwise changed since its construction in 1200 A.D. The Royal Castle, on the other hand, was first remodeled 200 years after its construction in its construction 1100. It was thereafter rebuilt 35 times, and 67 times to date. The Royal Bank, first constructed in 1300 A.D., was only remodeled 13 times since construction. That's some good history! Mick, want me to send it to you? Oh, I probably should send it to you because Mom and Dad wanted to see the history too, but they were busy..."

But Mick had stopped listening. Sadie was such a slow reader that he had been able to read the whole thing, log into a computer, search for the site, then find the article, re-read it, and send it to himself before she was finished. He looked up when he heard her trail off.

"Mick! Were you even listening!" his sister exclaimed when she looked back and saw him. He figured that he would tell her the plain truth, since she knew herself that she was slow. So he looked at her, then began.

"Yeah... For the first part. But then I finished reading it myself so I looked it up on a computer and sent it to myself." Sadie looked really surprised.

Then, Matthew came over, scanned it, then faced his two siblings.

"Well, that pretty much wraps up what I found. Except I also found a book on all the opportunities you have if you become a Royal. They're plenty. Here." he said. then he handed Mick a sheet of paper full with Matthew's large, messy writing. He knew not to hand it to Sadie because she couldn't read his "chicken scratch" as she called it. Mick was impressed that his younger brother had found so much. He scanned his brother's notes, then started reading aloud.

"It's a list," he announced. "it says they get free access to any and all amusement parks or roller coasters there are in this empire. Ha! I can't even imagine the King and Queen together going on a roller coaster! I can see them in their Royal attire sitting on a Ferris Wheel, but thats about it! It also says they have access to all the vaults in the bank. And that they can see any and all historical sights in the empire for free. Dang! That's crazy! They also get to attend any circuses or community events that take place anywhere in our empire for free. And if the location requires them to fly they shall receive free flights! Just for being the King and Queen! Can you believe it?! But Lauren said when she went and talked to them that they don't go and take these opportunities! Why wouldn't you?! She said that they have to learn new, complex languages every day to be able to communicate with their conquered peoples. That's crazy! Why don't they just make their conquered peoples learn our language?!"

"Think of it, Mick." Sadie told him. "It makes sense for two people to learn the language of a land rather than the thousands, possibly millions of people in that land learn the language we speak here." Mick nodded.

"Hmm. True." he said finally.

So he finally put together an email to send to his parents. It came out something like this.

The Forbidden Area, first constructed in 1100 A.D., is a mystery to men, women, and children alike. This mysterious city can only be accessed by public transit, for those routes are not monitored, nor mapped out. The only place to find bus routes are at bus stations, located frequently along city streets. The Royal Court is the only monument in the Forbidden area that has never been rebuilt, remodeled, or otherwise changed since its construction in 1200 A.D. The Royal Castle, on the other hand, was first remodeled 200 years after its construction in its construction 1100. It was thereafter rebuilt 35 times, and 67 times to date. The Royal Bank, first constructed in 1300 A.D., was only remodeled 13 times since construction. they get free access to any and all amusement parks or roller coasters there are in this empire. It also says they have access to all the vaults in the bank. And that they can see any and all historical sights in the empire for free. They also get to attend any circuses or community events that take place anywhere in our empire for free. And if the location requires them to fly they shall receive free flights! they receive gold every day. and they have to learn new, complex languages every day to be able to communicate with their conquered peoples.

When he finally finished typing it out, he checked it with Sadie's website and Matthew's notes to make sure he hadn't missed anything. He hadn't, so he just sent it the way it was. No hello, no goodbye. just information.

The three siblings went home with a better, more knowledgeable feeling than they walked in with. They now all knew in-depth information about the place that their sister explored, was caught in, and died in.

If life were a puzzle, when Lauren was with her family, all the pieces fit together smoothly. Everything was perfect. When she went to jail, it was as if that piece was lost, but there was a hope of finding it, a hope of seeing her again. That hope lingered with them until she died. At which time it was as if someone had stuck that puzzle piece in a shredder, then took it out with the trash. Gone. No hope of seeing her again.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Hi! Chrissy here for a review.

I have a few nitpicks.

She was tall and slim, with long, brown hair and brown eyes.


Maybe you should have either her hair or her eyes a different color. It would be more striking if, for instance, her eyes are blue and her hair, brown.

She could read minds. She often let loose and read her family's minds. She went to a normal school ever since preschool.


That last sentence is out of place there. You either want to move it into a different paragraph, or take it out completely. It doesn't belong there.

Lauren wasn't sure how she would explain that she was hearing thoughts that weren't hers, so she just stayed quiet, and tried her best to keep out the other thoughts,


I thought that she couldn't control it, and you accidentally put a comma at the end of that sentence.

It was risky, but not with these powers.


Slightly confusing. You're saying that it's dangerous, and then you say that it's not. You might want to fix that.

Finally, the bus came and she got on. the familiar sounds of a crowded bus filled her ears as she scanned her pass at the front. She sat down next to a young woman, probably around the age of twenty or thirty. She soon was absorbed in an interesting conversation about the history of The Castle. Her acquaintance seemed to know a lot about The Forbidden Area, more than Lauren would ever know. As they exchanged information, (Lauren wanted to keep in touch with this lady in case they never met again.) The bus came to a halt and they said goodbye as Lauren departed into the early morning. The sky was a sunset orange color, Lauren's favorite color. She stood there for a moment, stunned, and watched as the sun came up and lit the royal village. She set off to the nearby Castle and came to her first assignment, a ' sentry guarding the path to the gate. She sat there pondering what she would make the sentry want. She finally went over and after a short argument with the sentry, made him crave doughnuts. He dashed inside and Lauren dashed in after him before he could close and lock the door. She stood in the shadows where he wouldn't be able to spot her. She went down the hall that she knew led to The Royal Meeting Room. As expected, she was met by three of the King's men. After scattering one to the left for the bathroom, another to the well for water, and the third to the right for new shorts, (She made him think they were too dirty to be presentable) she continued on past the gate to where two more sentries awaited. One ran off to the kitchen for a snack, and the other dashed off for the bathroom. She crept on to where one guard stood blocking the Royal Meeting Room. They figured that if the person could get through the other five, there was no need, but just to be safe, they put one. He ran off to the kitchen. Finally, Lauren appeared, grinning, into The Royal Meeting Room, where the King and Queen awaited at the head of the large table, on which sat a thousand different dishes, luxuriously placed around the table.


This is too long. You need to cut it up into different paragraphs. A paragraph is a idea. They are usually between three to five sentences long, but you can make them as long as they remain the same idea. Like this....

Finally, the bus came and she got on. the familiar sounds of a crowded bus filled her ears as she scanned her pass at the front. She sat down next to a young woman, probably around the age of twenty or thirty. She soon was absorbed in an interesting conversation about the history of The Castle.

Her acquaintance seemed to know a lot about The Forbidden Area, more than Lauren would ever know. As they exchanged information, (Lauren wanted to keep in touch with this lady in case they never met again.) The bus came to a halt and they said goodbye as Lauren departed into the early morning.

The sky was a sunset orange color, Lauren's favorite color. She stood there for a moment, stunned, and watched as the sun came up and lit the royal village. She set off to the nearby Castle and came to her first assignment, a ' sentry guarding the path to the gate. She sat there pondering what she would make the sentry want. She finally went over and after a short argument with the sentry, made him crave doughnuts.

He dashed inside and Lauren dashed in after him before he could close and lock the door. She stood in the shadows where he wouldn't be able to spot her. She went down the hall that she knew led to The Royal Meeting Room. As expected, she was met by three of the King's men.

After scattering one to the left for the bathroom, another to the well for water, and the third to the right for new shorts, (She made him think they were too dirty to be presentable) she continued on past the gate to where two more sentries awaited. One ran off to the kitchen for a snack, and the other dashed off for the bathroom. She crept on to where one guard stood blocking the Royal Meeting Room. They figured that if the person could get through the other five, there was no need, but just to be safe, they put one. He ran off to the kitchen.

Finally, Lauren appeared, grinning, into The Royal Meeting Room, where the King and Queen awaited at the head of the large table, on which sat a thousand different dishes, luxuriously placed around the table.


See what I mean?

CHAPTER FOUR: Friends With The Kingq


I don't think I need to tell you what's wrong here. :)

She finally escaped the pleading looks of Sady and Matthew by walking out the door. She ignored the loud, obnoxious yelling from the twins. She finally reached the bus stop, where she couldn't hear them anymore.


They all start with She. You might want to break that up a little. For instance it would be like...

Walking out the door, she escaped the pleading looks of Sady and Matthew.


Look for different ways to write things. For instance, instead of telling us how she did it, show us her doing it. Have her go through the motions. You want people to know the character and feel what she's feeling.

At one in the morning, she was awakened by a call from her mom.


Does she have a cellphone or something?

This time, she would actually have an intended purpose; tobecome friends with the King and Queen.


You forgot the spaces between To Be come.

"NO SADIE! IM NOT KIDDING! LAUREN'S DEAD, THE KING JUST CALLED AND TOLD ME! ITS NOT JUST A BAD DREAM! ITS REAL, SADIE!! WHY WOULD I BE CRYING IF I WAS KIDDING? WHO WOULD EVEN KID ABOUT THAT?! HER BEING IN JAIL ISNT BAD ENOUGH, SO I HAVE TO KID ABOUT HER BEING DEAD? WHAT KIND OF MESSED UP IDEA IS THAT?!"


You don't need to have all in uppercase. You can describe how they feel, and that's enough. For instance, say that he has tears running down his face, as he yells at her. It gives the reader a better picture.

I really like the idea, though it needs a little work in places. The girl is fun, though a little reckless. Happy ending! She dies. You might want to change that. I have a little sister that nine, and she doesn't like book that has the main character die in it.

Well, all I can say is post it in more pieces next time. When they're big like this people get discouraged. Keep writing!

Hello :) here to make a comment or two.

This is a good try for a novel. The story's idea is nice, though I thought it a little bit lacking in animation.

It was very fast-paced in the first part and even more in the rest of the story. I would've liked to feel being in Lauren's shoes, how she saw everything and more. I suggest more dialogue in the beginning of the second chapter and also fix the formatting of the bus scene (it was a little confusing to read since it just goes on and on without any paragraph breaks, though the story shifts.) Uh, double check your punctuation too.

Another comment is that... man, I think you should divide this into separate chapters/files here. :) Putting everything here all at once, it doesn't attract much readers... give them the element of suspense; end your chapters with a cliffhanger, make them expect for more by cutting it in the most unexpected part. (I've had experience from a different writing site.)

I can see that your writing had improved as the story ended and that is expected :). Keep in constant pace of events, but make sure to emphasize on the important scenes and less dilly dallying in the not-so-important parts (unless of course, if you intend to make that part a sort of 'pause' ['Pause' in Theater/Drama] before a big reveal in the climax--the quiet before the storm)

Anyway, I hope this helped! :)

-Sybil (WaltzingDreams)



i got called an enigma once so now i purposefully act obtuse
— chikara