Teenage vikings chapter 1

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Prologue

'Twas a calm night, with little wind and noise. The village of Lothbank was at peace, the only sign that it was there were the watch fires of the guards, the only movement being that of the guards themselves. The townsfolk were all asleep, oblivious to the dangers the night possessed.

The first event of the night was a wolf attack. The creature burst forth from the scrub, heading straight for the mutton that would become dinner for the hungry guards. It was quickly dealt with by Enok, a young teen of a solid build who was but a trainee, on his first watch duty no less. But this would be the first of many happenings to occur.

There were three different wolf attacks, all heading for the mutton. These were quickly dispatched, with the warriors excited about the prospect of new cloaks to keep them warm on cold winter nights. There were also numerous fox and rabbit raids, mainly on the outlying farms, where livestock and crops were grown. Alas, the creatures got their timing wrong and all they got for their trouble was a quick, painless death. These events were only the minor happenings of the night.

As it turns out, Rathga Hordfa, leader a neighbouring village, was planning a night-time raid. He had decided that the night was too calm and required some action. Since he had some 'beef' with the inhabitants of Lothbank, he decided to target them.

His troops mustered within half a clock rotation, they set out on the two clock rotation journey with their horns blazing a path of pure intent; the intent to pillage.

Unaware of the imminent raid, the Lothbankians were in a state of bliss. Some guards decided to test the mushrooms for the midyear celebrations planned for the next night. It was safe to say they would take no part in the coming battle; others had retired for the night, will some more had drunk the night away. The fifty strong guard of the early evening now numbered just ten. Ten brave souls who would be unlucky enough to stand against the coming onslaught.

The sound of loud horns filled the countryside, the Lothbankian guards knowing something bad was upon them. They swiftly woke the village. Surprisingly, there was little panic among the common folk as they all new that they needed to head to the cave system that marked their safety. Unfortunately, they were not quick enough, as the invaders came upon the village. The sober guards stood no chance, within seconds only four remained, one being poor Enok. Panic consumed the villagers; all the young children and teens went on ahead, while the adults stayed to guarantee their safe passage.

The youngsters waited all night for the adults to return, but they did not. Just to be safe, they stayed another day. The only arrival was Enok. He was covered in ashes and had bloodshot eyes, with many a cut and what appeared to be a severely damaged wrist. When pressed for information about what happened, all he said was "it's all gone".

When they all returned to their former home a week later, all they saw was destruction. Not one structure remained, and the ground was littered with skeletons. The sheer horror of the scene scared them all. They only had one thought, revenge.

Havardar

6 Months later

We had finally done it, us the unfortunate ones who lost our parents, have finished rebuilding Lothbank, minus a few buildings that weren’t of much use. We have a nice farm setup, with a harvest already coming in from our fields. Although we cannot do very much with our meagre haul, it will be enough to trade with. We have a working forge, where Fiske has been repairing weapons recovered after the massacre. We have children out abroad learning as much as they can so we can make use of new techniques to improve life. But most importantly, we have around twenty of us who can wield swords and another thirty bows. While not many, they should be enough to at least scare away hostile forces.

Kari, our trader, was about to head out on an expedition to neighbouring villages. Kari was the key to our survival, without her we would not be able to be one big, happy family.

I walked into the cabin I shared with Balder and Enok to collect my pack. I walked inside to a “hey Havardar” from Balder, my best friend. “Hey Balder, I see your enjoying another sleep in” I pointed it out with a sheepish grin on my face. “No no, not me, I wouldn’t sleep in, to many important activities to attend to,” was his response.

“Well I had better get going, I’ve kept Kari and Neaba waiting long enough, see you in a month my friend. Please refrain from ruining the village in my absence” and with that I left the cabin, making a bee line for the carriage that would be my home for the month.

During my walk from the hut to the square, the events of the last months flashed before my eyes. The one that lingered the longest was the moment the vote results were read out. Enok, Esteri, Neana and I were the candidates and there was no persuading allowed. It was decided that it would be decided based on who people thought should lead. And as you might have guessed, it was me that ’won’. It was no dream job being in charge, the constant scrutiny; people almost taking joy in your failings is very tough to handle. My thoughts ended when I realized that I was nearly at the square.

As I approached, I could tell that Kari was not having a good day; she was all flustered and looked to be in a state of panic. She noticed my approach, quietly saying “hello” before continuing her packing. “Do you need any help?” I asked. All she did was nod and point at the boxes full of Fiske’s ‘inventions’. I heard a laugh from behind me; I turn to see Neaba standing there. “Why are you laughing?” I asked, puzzled by the outburst.

“Because of the expression on your face when you looked at the boxes silly,” with that, she fell into another fit of laughter. When she finally regained her composure, she said “well these boxes won’t be moving themselves now will they? Hmmm, chop chop.”

With that she left, sighting “important business” to attend to.

The boxes were soon on board the carriage and with the absolute final preparations occurring; we were nearly ready to leave. I was puzzled when I saw Dahlia board the carriage, Kari seeing it said “Dahlia is a last minute inclusion. The more the merrier I say.” Quickly adding this into my mental notes, I prepare to address Lothbank. Here goes nothing I thought, taking a deep breath. “Good morning my fellow Lothbankians, as you may well have heard, Kari, Neaba, Dahlia and I are heading out on an expedition to other villages in search of trade and allies. You all have been presented with a chance over the last few weeks to write some items you require on a list Kari will take into consideration while trading. Unfortunately, not all requests will be carried out so do not be disappointed.” I took another deep breath, preparing for the big news.

“I will be leaving Esteri in charge of things here while I am gone. She will have all the power I normally have and she will not afraid to put her foot down. So do not test the boundaries. Other than that, make you all enjoy yourselves and live life to its fullest!”

With that, Kari spurred the donkeys into action. Our month abroad had only just begun, and I already felt worried about Lothbank.

Comments & reviews · 2
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User avatar
MissGangamash
Review

This was a good read. But I agree with haylstormsx about the first line. It doesn't really draw you in and is pretty cliché.

The voice for the prologue is very passive and lacks energy and emotion. I mean, it's about the destruction of the home of the characters, surely that should be pretty emotional? Maybe go into a little more detail about the attacks? Like the wolf attack, instead of just saying there was one, maybe put in a bit about poor Enok having to deal with it all by himself? Was he scared? It was his first time on watch duty so you'd think it's be pretty scary. Just focusing on some points a little more clearly would give it more umph.

You need to start a new paragraph when another character speaks because otherwise it is very hard to figure out who is talking.

The setting is good and I think you have slipped into the whole Viking world with ease but you have a lack of characterisation. I don't know who anyone looks like. I know this is the first chapter but I think you should give the readers something. Even if it's just the colour of a character's hair, or their age, or what they're wearing. Just something to paint a picture in their heads.

This was an enjoyable read and I hope my review helps :)

Thanks so much. I am Learning on the fly cause this is the first thing I have ever written

User avatar
haylstormsx
Review

I am a broken record in reviews with first sentences. Let's copy/pasta!

"'Twas a calm night, with little wind and noise."

That's your opening line. I really think it's unfair to the rest of your story, but the majority of readers will decide in those first few words whether or not they're going to continue to read your book. Like I said, it's unfair to the writer, but it's true. To combat this, we have to write first sentences that can't let the reader go. Starting with 'Twas a calm night, makes me think of "'Twas the night before christmas..." I would tweak it a bit.

You could consider starting with the wolf attack? That is definitely more of a jump-out kind of detail.

I also noticed the voice is different between the prologue and the chapter. A lot of people (publishers and editors) suggest not using a prologue, so think to yourself: is that information really necessary? If you do want to keep it, I think tweaking it so it's not in passive tense would really amp up the drama and keep your readers hanging onto those sentences.

Once you get to chapter one, there are a few word confusion type things. A round of editing would clean them up. I'd take some time to read it out loud and polish it up a bit. You use a lot of commas--be careful with those.

Example:
We had finally done it, us the unfortunate ones who lost our parents, have finished rebuilding Lothbank, minus a few buildings that weren’t of much use.

That sentence has four commas. The multiple breaks makes it kind of confusing so I'd consider rewording it a bit. I am a HUGE fan of commas. My prose always ends up littered with them so believe me when I say, I understand. The bane of a writer's existence is editing and unfortunately, that's the bulk of the process.

Also; be careful with reiterations. If you repeat ideas/words in the same area with frequency, it becomes a bit redundant to the reader.

Example:
It was decided that it would be decided based on who people thought should lead.

Decided/decided in the same sentence there. It's an easy fix, and really flexes your writer brain! I think it's easy when you get in the zone to just go to the same word when you need to re-express a concept, but we can do better than that! :)

I hope these suggestions help, dearie! Great structure so far. :)
Happy writing!



I would always rather be happy than dignified.
— Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre