Our Song

That Moment when I laid Hopelessly on my bed.I heard our song.I heard the melody of our sweet sorrow.Every note played on the Piano made me tear. I heard the pain in the heart of our song the most,when I heard the Orchestra play of my despair,When the Violin played a solo of your betrayal. Our classic Song of Heart Break reached my ears and my heart.Sending my soul into peril.At that Moment, I laid hopelessly in my bed. I covered my ears hoping it would stop playing. For I deeply despised our song.

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

User avatar
ladyKixRox
Comment

forgive me everyone,i just wanted to let you know it wasnt a poem it was simply a prose. But i chose to post it in the dramatic poetry section. Again please forgive me! It wasnt meant to be read as a poem. I should have written that in the beginning.

User avatar
Kale
Review
Kale wrote a review · Thu May 27, 2010 2:08 pm

I tried to read this, but I couldn't because the formatting made my head hurt. Everything was just lumped together into one mass of letters. It didn't help that the punctuation was not grammatically correct or that the spacing was nonexistent. Formatting has a huge impact on how your poem is received, and right now, the formatting is not at all friendly. I suggest you go back through and reformat this so it's at least readable; right now, it is not at all reader-friendly.

User avatar
ziggiefred
Review

Hello there
Um, maybe there's a problem with your computer? :)
Anyways, I will be honest and say that I did not feel any emotion in this poem. It was as if I was reading a bunch of words with no feeling and just for the sake of it. I did grasp though what you were going for. I liked how you used the notes of the piano and the violin and in general, the components of the song to try and describe the feeling; I think it was very creative of you. But still, there was no real motive behind them. Maybe it's a wrong choice of words. But that's just me so, keep writing. :)



What will live longer, you or your words? Something to think about the next time you abandon a project...
— Omni