Ghostly fingers flip the pages,
Of our changing lives,
For some those pages flip too fast,
While some think they flip too slow,
For very few,
The pages flip,
And they wish for nothing more,
Very few appreciate now,
Or that there is a now to appreciate,
So remember when your all alone,
That the time you have is a gift,
And remember when everyone is around,
How lucky it is that they're there,
Remember to enjoy your time,
Before the time is over,
Before you can no longer enjoy.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
You should consider taking a second look at your punctuation, and not ending every line in a common. Poetry & Punctuation.
You started out with the cliché "life is a book, the turn of a page" (how ever you wish to say it) which was a rough start. Poems based on clichés are never good. You also then started to preach (Appreciate every day you have!) and to quote Whence, Poetry + preaching = ew.
My guess is you are new to poetry, yes? You're 13, so it is my best guess. That's okay =) We all start somewhere. I suggest you read poetry, that will help you the most. Read article on poetry too, there are many on this site and on the web. Read some poems on the site, and read the critiques. What can you learn from them? Find out what makes a good poem, and try to emulate it.
Best of luck.
Hi there, it's nice to meet you and welcome to YWS! As for the poem, a few suggestions...
Ghostly fingers flip the pages, [No need for a comma here]
Of our changing lives.
For some those pages flip too fast, [Describe this more. Maybe 'A kaleidoscope of history unfolds.'
But for others they turn [Flip suggests hastiness and speed.] too slow,
For very few,
The pages flip, [No need for a comma here and use something other than flip. Maybe shift or move?
And they wish for nothing more.
Very few appreciate now,
Or realize that there is a now to appreciate,
So remember when you're all alone, [No need for a comma.]
That the time you have is a gift,
And remember when everyone is around,
How lucky it is that they're there.
Remember to enjoy your time,
Before the time is over,
Before you can no longer enjoy.
____________________
The poem was simple and you need to expand on your imagery but the message behind it was good. Keep writing,
Heather xx
That was really great. very insightful,and all that.
Great description and depth. Hope to see more of your writing!
-- Lucky_Duck
Eh... not bad? XD
As I said, I can't do poem reviews. So post a chapter of one of your stories and maybe my review will actually be helpful!
Oh, and you should introduce yourself on the Welcome board in the community section.
~JFW1415