From a young age
We knew
That we would be friends
That we would mess up
And we did
We became broken
And torn apart
For the longest time
Tears came to my eyes
A scream surfaced
And a young, small heart
Was broken for the first time
Time pasted
The pain gone
Emotions under control
Until I laid eyes on you
And you didn’t look twice at me
But because I love you
Because I miss you
I forgive you
We became friends again
Happiness surrounded us
Suffocated us in a warm, loving hug
Soft breezes
The warm sun
Shining down as if nothing was wrong
But darkness always has a way of returning
For you met her
Fell in love
And never mentioned me
Never said goodbye
You left me for her
And once again
We became broken
I became broken
The tears came back
As if they always had a way of returning
As if they say hello
When you say goodbye
The aching of my heart
Created a disease
A disease that made me hate happiness
Bitterness and darkness engulfed me
No longer did I care
No longer did I feel
But deep down
Past the bitterness
Beyond the mazes of darkness
Further than any light may travel
Is a locked cage
Full of the memories
Of you and me
The memories that I can’t let go of
Sad or Happy
Mad or Glad
All of them were locked away
The only ones surfaced
Were the ones reminded of pain
The pain that started everything
The pain
That he created
Life changed
Birthdays pasted
Holidays flew by
But things still remain the same
Not one word from you
Yet years of my life on edge
Waiting for you
Waiting for those three words
Those eight letters
That somewhere
You are looking for me
That you will come back
So the muffled pain
Would cease
He came back
After the heartbreak you gave me
The sorrow
The pain
The aching and regret
After 20 years
He tells me he loves me
But something is different
He feels different
The air around us is no longer warm
But cold as ice
There’s no more happiness left in his eyes
Just sorrow
Sorrow that consumed him
Sorrow that made him leave
That made him lost
But there’s a point
Where things get lost
Deep down inside
And it can never be found again
For he lost the light
The hope
And he lost me
For I did not love him
And he did not love me.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
This is really tragic-sounding, so heartfelt, and can bring someone to tears. I hardly moved as I read this piece because right away I could tell that I would have to keep reading.
Really enjoyed this. I'm into poems like this right now, and this one was really, really, really good.
First off, no negatives. Nothing wrong with this as I admit. It's fine- you're grammatically correct, with capitalization, punctuation, and all of that. Congrats, you've succeeded into having a poet/reader enjoy and love your work!
Shows the rises and downfall of love and relationships, which is real and true. Sad tones here, happy ones, hopeful ones, destroyed-heart ones.... this is like reading a love novel. It's good. Like boy meets girl, they fall in love, fight and don't talk, girl is in emotional pain, they become friends, get together, guy left her for another, girl is crushed again, years pass, no more love, not the same. It's good. It's wonderful. It made me want to keep going and wishing there was more written to this piece.
You've done a fantastic job on this, and I highly encourage you to add more work. Feel free to check out my work under my author name CatLover211 if you'd like.
thank you so much! I'll perhaps make a "sequel" to the poem or maybe leave it as be. your thoughts made me realize how much I enjoy writing so thank you for that opening of perspective! I will check out your writing as well!
Can I just say....wow!!! I super love this seriously! I love the way you wrote it, you expressed it. You just blew me away. It's just simply amazing! Two thumbs up for this. Actually, I experienced this feeling once in my life and it was just so hard to throw the memories the person left with no space. But life goes on right? Everything happens for a reason. keep it up dear!
thank you so much!!!! I know what you mean but remember that your a strong person who can do anything.
Wow. Way to hit people right where it hurts. In an impressive way. It's very easy for poems about heartbreak and love to become cliche very very quickly. Almost instantaneously. The rhythm and pace of your poem was exceptional, and never straying too far into the land of corny cliches. Well done. I can't recall any parts that seemed glaringly out of place, or even in a different tempo. For someone so new to the site (Welcome, by the way), you have a promising YWS career ahead of you!
I only spotted one part where I thought something could have been changed, but this is just my own tastes/opinions, so take them with a grain of salt. At this moment, I thought it could be cool if you changed...
"But darkness always has a way of returning"
to
"But darkness, she has a way of returning"
as a bit of a clever nod to what the darkness was in this moment of the main character's life and love escapade with said darkness attracting man.
Also, this moment was beautifully depicted. It's hard to come across a description of something so often brushed aside as 'young love's pain' or whatever else people use to describe the pain of a broken, bitter heart. But you did it tastefully, and it was this section...
"Full of the memories
Of you and me
The memories that I can’t let go of
Sad or Happy
Mad or Glad
All of them were locked away
The only ones surfaced
Were the ones reminded of pain
The pain that started everything"
And on that note, welcome to YWS, and you have a long promising road ahead of you! Keep it up!
- Renn
I will take those thought to heart! thank you! this is my first writing published and so far it's been great!
hey kyria3910,
first i'll start saying by a nice piece of literature you got there i mean DAMN i am blown away,
like that crazy one liner in which the boy says girl did you fart and the girl replies no then the boy says because girl you blew me away (forgive my sense of humor).
i would like to try and help you a bit by writting this qoute “To be rejected by someone doesn't mean you should also reject yourself or that you should think of yourself as a lesser person. It doesn't mean that nobody will ever love you anymore. Remember that only ONE person has rejected you at the moment, and it only hurt so much because to you, that person's opinion symbolized the opinion of the whole world, of God.”
― Jocelyn Soriano, Mend My Broken Heart (courtesy of goodreads.com)
and yep dont take it hard on yourself girl cause as pencillia stated that there are other fish in the ocean.
happy writting and welcome to yws
why thank you that made my day. and HAHAHA don't apologize for your sense of humar i find it enjoyable
There is other fish in the sea. And than again, despite the last few lines, it seems like he still loves you and you still love him. Most people you talk to about past relationships, is that they will never stop loving their other. Of all things, the man described in here, he has probably married, by now, though. But, the person in the story should never give up on fighting for love. Unless they're old. Or too old.
frankly I'm quite done with the guy, but thank you for your thought and concern. it means a lot that you would take the time to tell me something like that