Sweet girl, Sweet baby,

Ijust came up with this in language arts.

I love this. It was awesome! It really touches your heart. It's so dramatic, but yet poetic all at the same time. Its really good.

Where should we start...

Nitpicks.

Number 1.

You still have so long before you die.
So live life well, and live it for me.

I found two things in this that seem wrong to me.
1. After you say die you should put a comma before the so. Like this... Before you die, (comma) So live life well, and live it for me. Keep the so capitalized though.
2. After you say "So live life well," You don't need a comma. It kind of puts a pause in your sentence. Don't feel bad about this because I always get told not to do this.

I hope I am not being to harsh, but I am just saying these things so you will learn from your mistakes. Like me. We all make mistakes.

Nitpick Number 2.

I'm sorry I left but it was my time,
you still have so long before you die.

I love this. So much. This is so full of raw emotion. This is how I would imagine a parent talking to a child after their own death, in the period of the child's grief. The immense amount of guilt felt by the speaker is deeply presented in this piece, though it is short. There is only one mistake that I can see, which is a slight misspelling of "eternity," which can happen. I like how the poem is so short; it creates an effect showing how not much else can be said to comfort a child and also how not much else can be said as a parent leaving their child, for they will positively break themselves if they say any more. Your poem is a beautiful portrayal of grief, guilt, sadness, and also hope for the future.

Heyo.
So this is a very emotional work. I wonder what inspired it.
'Sweet girl, Sweet baby,

please don't cry,' the opening creates a large sense of empathy for the characters involved.

'I'm sorry I didn't have time to say goodbye.

I'm sorry I left but it was my time,' the repetition of sorry creates the impression there is a large theme of guilt in this piece.

I don't understand why you made the work so short? I think there was the opportunity to say more here, but that's up to you and how far you can extend your ideas.

I liked it.

Ooh and a correction: 'eternity' not 'eternety'



Keep Writing

I love this poem, as well as the meaning behind it. Plus, you're lucky to be able to write poems this easily. But, of course, I have a few nitpicks with it.
"please don't cry," you need a capital P there, and compared to the rest of the lines, it might not have enough syllables. Also, you need a capital Y in the fifth line.
Plus, eternety is spelled like this: eternity. But this is a great poem, and I think you have a lot of potential as a writer. If you keep working on your poems, they might even be published someday!

I wrote this for my great grandma. I still have the teddy bear that she had for all of her great-grand children. I loved her so much, but I didn't know how much antil she was gone. Then I couldn't let her go. She was beutiful and special. She talked to me when I was asleep, in a dream. She went to my sister and my aunt the same night. None of us were born by her actual family, my step-dad was her grandson. I let her go, It was to hard to keep her.