Hey there!
Well, my first impression was that you were veering slightly on the way to angsty and self pitying here, but it's not a full blown emo poem so I can deal with it.
The flow was ... meh. It began ok, but this poem has the tendency to slip into what basically seems like prose with line breaks. Trust me, you really don't want that. In order for you to whack this poem on track, I would suggest jazzing up the sentence structures a bit. Maybe fiddle around with how you order your words, that will make it sound and possibly flow a lot better. Although don't go in the opposite direction and make it all jerky and stumbly when you read it over! Just read your poem out loud and you'll get what I mean.
My problem with your imagery here is that it's not too subtle some of the time. You describe things, but they're very straight forward and therefore don't sound as poetic as you might like them too. Try obscuring everything slightly so it's a little more abstract and poetic.
But, yeah. I'd basically say that you should make this poem more poetic. And brush up on your punctuation. Punctuation is good, remember that!
Hope I helped!
~Amy
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