Under the streets, a human loses her voice, suddenly, this appears…
City lights, like a shining hug from the moon, illuminate a piece of her lost soul on the road.
City lights at midnight and the silence’s sound,
City lights, flickering softly all around.
She walks beneath them, fragile and torn,searching for the pieces her heart
has worn.
Shadows dance and memories call, under these lights, she begins to fall.
But in the quiet, a spark ignites a glimmer of hope in the cold city lights.
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141,948 Literary Works • 676,149 Reviews
Welcome to the YWS! This is a great debut
as someone who lived in cities this poem connected very deeply with me. I loved 'citylight-gazing' at night from a bedroom window.
Ermmmm if I were to give a review maybe state more explicitly what city lights they were? Was it from high rise apartments, where every window tells a different story/ different families? Was it streetlamps, dotted in structural (or random) manners across the town?
The girl seems very lonely under the city lights, maybe make them harsh white blubs? Cold weather to reflect it?
'she walks beneath them' -> 'she shudders beneath them' ?
Add a metaphor like
the streetlamps were spotlights of a winter melancholy drama, and the girl was the actress, cheeks shallow under the lights, and the shadow under her eyes stretch long and thin, until tears were just another smudge on her face.
these are just my ideas but your original is soooooo good already! keep it up
Hello! It's catsz here to leave a quick review in my spare time xD
This immediately drew me in because of the words "city" and "lights", I love being in the city at night, it's just something that always gives me peace to my mind, and when everything finally stops racing. Let's dive into it!
I wonder what the human symbolizes, it might be how everything goes quiet at night, maybe lost in her thoughts about the world?
The next line feels so poetic. City lights are so bright, there's something so interesting about the vibe it gives off, exactly like the moon. I love the moon, and it's always a great poem when that's included. The last line just leaves me jaw-dropped, it truly describes it so well.
Maybe "sound of silence" fits better, I feel like it might be smoother, but that just might be me <33 Midnight is such a magical hour, fairy tales and fascinating stuff happen there. I love how the girl seems to be searching for where her past self has gone, I think it's really poetic and unique. One thing, after a comma, there's a space (just some grammar)
This part is such a peaceful ending. The entire poem gives off dark melancholy, yet it also feels so strangely comforting. It seems as if the girl lost a romantic partner, or maybe a best friend. And I love how the poem resolves on hope. The girl did not find what she is looking for yet, but they still find a way to have hope that one day she will find what she's looking for.
It's really poetic, and overall, I really enjoyed reading it! Thank you for sharing!
Happy Writing!
~catsz :3