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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
well done on the rhymes.
Edited for character spamming, check your PM's. -Grif
Hey there.
This is a really good poem. I liked how you described the shadows' movements.
There was good description and the scenes I imagined were pretty vivid thanks to that.
Normally, I find it hard to rhyme things, so I just write my poems with little or no rhymes. You, however, have filled this poem with rhymes and it's brilliant!
There's a nice flow and it makes sense too. Sometimes rhyming things kind of makes the whole piece confusing.
But not this piece.
Well, there're no major mistakes that I can point out.
This bit made me raise my eyebrow a wee bit though.
I'm not sure what you mean by 'silver light sparkle'. I know what you're trying to describe, but I think it may make more sense if you changed it to: 'Sparkling silver light cut through the dark'.
All in all, I think this is a wonderful piece.
Keep writing!
I like the rhyme scheme in this poem. I especially like how you rhymed "town" with "found" You avoid the cheesiness that rhyming can easily lead to. I also really like your descriptions, and what the poem is conveying.
One note I have is that this line doesn't make sense grammatically. Either light or cut has to be pluralized.
Also, I think it should be quickly.
Keep writing.