Memories. It’s all that I had left to remember them by.
The sight of sparks as the swords connected with armour and digging into flesh. The coppery scent of blood that dripped off the tip of my blade. His blood. The blood of someone I once called a comrade. But now he lay dead, staring up at me with lifeless amber eyes. The roar of my commander’s voice as he gave the orders to advance, and the bellow of my comrades as they charge forward through body ridden fields of Eden. The feeling of their cold red eyes watching me from all around, waiting for the right moment to drive a sword straight through my heart.
Memories of the battle. Memories that will haunt me until the end of time.
Chapter 1 - The Ones Who Fell
“Oi big man snap out of it,” said a disembodied voice as it violently shook me. “We have things to do and we can’t spend all day sitting around staring off into space”.
“Ugh not again,” I couldn’t help but think as the person proceeded to give me a bad case of whiplash.
“I swear sometimes you can be so difficult,” said the voice much louder this time. “Now get up or so help me I will let Shadow claw at your face again.”
And with that I had had it. No way was that stupid cat going to touch my face. So with the speed of a very anger honey badger, I grabbed the hand on my shoulder and returned the whiplash with a well deserved submission hold.
“You know,” I said glancing coldly down at my companion. “If you keep doing that one day it’s going to get you killed”.
He turned his head slightly and chuckled. “But then again where would you be without me?”
I let out a groan and rolled my eyes, pushing him away from me. I swear, he was is going to be the death of me one of these days. But then again that is just who he was, Zephyr Snow, my partner in crime, and a genuine pain-in-the-ass. And today he seemed in an even shittier mood than usual, must have not had his tea this morning.
At 5’6 and 130 lbs Zephyr looks quite simply like a child. Someone who you would assume would walk around with a high squeaky voice, listening to annoying pop music, and wearing what could only be described as his dad or brother’s old hand me downs. That appearance isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and in fact it is beneficial for our line of work. Come on, who in their right mind would expect a kid to be able to crack the tumbler system on a high security safe and steal documents from inside. Hell, If I didn’t know him I wouldn’t believe it either. But if you looked beyond the long dirty blond hair and blue puppy dog eyes you would see a person who was not afraid to get his hands dirty. Even if it meant busting some heads in. And right now the head just so happened to be mine.
“What time is it?” I couldn’t help but ask rubbing the sleep from my eyes
“It’s 8 AM” he snarked. “You know about the time when the rest of the living world gets up and GOES TO WORK!”
I sighed and ran a hand through my disheveled hair.Once again, the death of me.
“Give me twenty minutes to get showered and dressed and I’ll be down”
“You’ve got five,” he replied turning to walk out the room. “Time is money and that is something we are seriously lacking at this time. And for the love of the gods-”
“God” I corrected.
“Who gives a damn. The point is that you need to get a razor and shave your face. How can we expect to get new clients if the one of us looks like they just walked out of the forest?”
“Isn’t that how this whole ordeal started?” I replied with a smirk
“Oh ha freaking ha, quit stalling and get cleaned up.”
I grunted bitterly and shoved him out of my room.
“And make some coffee while you are down there” I yelled, slamming the door behind him.
I grabbed my clothes from the hanger off the door, flicked on the bathroom light, and was immediately greeted with the unwelcome sight of my reflection in the mirror.
The stress and overall lack of sleep had dulled the brown in my once youthful eyes making them look sunken and ancient. My once chocolate brown hair had started graying and was seemingly unkempt. My beard felt ragged and I couldn’t help but frown. Zephyr was right I do need a shave.
The scalding water felt good on my skin as I stepped under the stream. I have no idea how long I was under the water but I had gotten to the point of enjoyment, when it was interrupted by a knocking on the door.
“Hey there’s someone wanting to talk to you,” said Zephyr through the door. “She says it’s really important.”
“She?” I said.
“Yes you oaf, ‘She’.”
There was no time to shave if their was a client, so after stepping out of the shower and throwing on a fresh button-up and a fresh pair of a jeans I walked down the stairs and into the foyer and that is when I saw her.Sitting in my office was a girl about 18 or 19. She had blond shoulder length hair that covered her eyes, hazel eyes behind medium thick glasses. She looked frazzled and to be honest, a little lost.
I spotted Zephyr and pulled him off to the side “What the Hell man? I thought I told you that we weren’t taking clients like this.”
“Oh grow up. You’ve had long enough to get over your issues, besides she’s already paid in advance including the retainer fee and an allowance.”
“Allowance? What are you doing? Conning her?”
“Don’t look at me,” he said holding his hands up. “She offered it up before I could even stop her
“Excuse me for interrupting,” said a voice to our left. “I could help but two overhear you two arguing”
The woman had gotten out of her chair and walked towards us, her face had signs of distress and sleeplessness. It was something I had seen too many times and instantly knew how grave the matter was.
“No it’s ok my partner and I were just discussing your case,” I replied. “Please step into my office and I’ll discuss it with you. Zephyr can you go and make some coffee for this young lady”.
Zephyr frowned and stalked off to the break room as I followed our client into my office and took a seat behind my the wooden desk.
“Would you like to tell us what’s going on?” I said. I grabbed my journal and a pen.
“Well,” she started. “ For the past couple weeks I’ve been having frequent nightmares-”
I interrupted her “ -and what do you expect from us? You should go see a psychologist.”
“I did,” she said. “ And every time it was the same ‘take this pill, relax before you go to bed, don’t watch horror movies at night’. I did all those things but the nightmares never left, instead it seemed to get worse. I’ve turned to both religious and spiritual guidance and nothing seems to work. And more recently I’ve started waking up in the night with scratches and scars that weren’t there the before ”
“And you think that hiring two private investigators is going to stop your nightmares,” said Zephyr as he walked back into the room carrying two mugs of what smelled like coffee.
He quietly handed one to the client and the other to me before taking up the seat on the left of me..
“This is something that I don’t think most people could handle,” she started again. “Hell I don’t think people would believe me if I told them. Besides, I’ve heard stories about the two of you.”
Zephyr and I looked at each other. “What kind of stories?”
The woman took a sip of her coffee and cleared her throat. “Stories that this is all a front. That you’re a fallen angel and he is a witch and you two make your living by solving weird or unexplainable cases”.
We turned to one another again and laughed.
“Where the hell did you hear that story” I said trying to hold back the laughter.
She frowned and crossed her arms across her chest. “I heard it from my friend, she says that you helped her out a few weeks ago. She also made a point to remind me that, and i quote, ‘the little one is kind of cute’ ”.
I could practically feel Zephyr rolling his eyes.
“Oh well” I started “ That’s nice. And honestly, we do have an odd profession but that doesn’t necessarily make us otherworldly creatures”.
“Oh of course not” she replied “Like I said it’s just stories that I’ve heard. But back to the business at hand, do you think you will be able to take my case”.
I sighed and sat back in my chair absentmindedly rubbing my shoulder blades. “Well since you’ve already paid us” -I shot a cold glance at Zephyr- “I don’t see any problem with taking you on as a client. However we do need you to fill out some paperwork before you leave”.
“Well right now is not a good time but I will be free later on in the week. Here let me give you my information”. She gingerly plucked the pen and pad from my hand and scribbled down a phone number and address, before handing it back to me and gathering her things. “And thank you for hearing me out. Most people would have called me crazy the minute I stepped in here”.
“Well thankfully we aren’t most people” I said as I stood and offered my hand. “We will keep in touch Miss...I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name”.
“Quinn. Raelyn Quinn” she replied taking my hand and smiling.
I felt a tingle go through my spine. A sudden pain went into my shoulder blades like getting hit in the back with a sledgehammer.
I forced a smile through the pain. “It was a pleasure. Zephyr do you mind walking Ms. Quinn to the door?”
“Can’t you do it?” he said with a frown. “I do have papers to file you know”
“Zephyr!” I said sharply causing him and the client to jump. “Walk Ms. Quinn to the door”.
His eyes narrowed. “Ok. If you would just come with me Ms. Quinn”
The two of them stepped out of the office and stepped towards the door.
“I’m sorry about my partner he’s not usually like this” I could hear him say through the glass. “He’s just been having a bad couple of days”.
“It’s alright I understand” she replied. “We all have those”
I frowned and paced the length of my office, trying hard to forget the look in her eyes. Trying to ignore the burning pain in my shoulder blades.
I could hear Zephyr laughing through the door. “Well if you need anything here is our card. And don’t hesitate to call, someone will always be here to answer”.
She started towards the door and then stopped. “I’m sorry I got your name but never caught your partners”.
“It’s Banning," I walked out of the office heading back toward my room.
I could feel Zephyr’s cold eyes on me as I stepped into the back and headed upstairs. As if my room would be a reprieve from the white hot pain in my shoulder blades. But with every step the pain seemed intensify until it felt like sharp hot needles were being jabbed into my back. I cried out and dropped onto the carpeted stairs, clutching my shoulder blades and trying to stay conscious. Pain sprouting from the place where my wings used to be.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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This is a good read. The intro first gave me the notion that your story would go somewhere between the lines of medieval feudalism, but then the actual chapter starts, and I find out that it was some nightmare that the main character has. That was what got me hooked into reading further, and I was glad that I did.
Your descriptive details are great, because you were able to let me know exactly how your characters looked, acted, and felt, but there was a lack on scenery, however, but I don't think that's really important to work on, since your setting is in the two lead characters' office building/home, unless it will be a recurring setting because it is their headquarters, after all. Also, your humor made me genuinely chuckle, as it was subtle, and I liked how it integrated smoothly with the progression. But in some parts there were mild proofreading errors, mainly the use of wrong words or the absence of punctuation, e.g.
or
[quote] “I couldn't[color] help but [color=red]to overhear you two arguing."
Please let me know whenever you post more of this or other works. I'd like to see more.