Young Writers Society

Hi there!



But sometimes I think you get a little heavy-handed with the "memories are so much brighter than real life thing." Like you've got these lines

When remembering, everything seems so much better than the way it really was.

consumed by the tendency to relive my experiences much more vibrantly than how they occurred

The pictures I have of you are printed in much brighter ink than that of the actual memories they captured

if we both were lost in a city and just happened to find our way out together.

we laid out on the grass,

we stayed for so long that it grew around us and into our hair,

we stared out at the night sky for such a deep duration that the serotinal stars tattooed constellations onto our cheeks and noses,

we stayed out long enough only to return back to bed with mosquito bites as keepsakes.

Wow, I really like this poem because it is very realistic, "I know that we were both sticky and sweaty from the East Coast humidity and it really wasn’t that pleasant.". Also, It flowed together very well. I really enjoyed this line "That we stared out at the night sky for such a deep duration that the serotinal stars tattooed constellations onto our cheeks and noses," I think it's very beautiful.

I thought this was good and that the way you portrayed the speakers emotions was beautiful. I cannot see anything wrong ( I can't poetry good at all). But I am decent at flow and I felt that the story did flow VERY well. I enjoyed it good writing! Keep it up!

Heya, KM1717! GooseLuck here to do a review for you. So, let's take flight, shall we?

The first thing that I noticed when reading this was the overwhelming first person. It's blatant exact statements that do not allow the reader to put themselves in the place of the poem and rather take away from the emotional status of the poem. Let's talk about that?

Whether you're in first person, second person, or any of the third person point of views, there's one thing you can always do. Imagine, describe, imagery, description, etc. They're all the same, to be honest. Imagery can be a make it or break it case. It can make your poem perfect, but if you over do it it can be too much and you start losing affect.

What you can do to start this off is simple. Just think of your emotion and what things/objects or anything like that that come to mind whenever you think of that emotion. Got it in your head? Perfect! Put it to words, and let it flow. Let yourself pour out in the metaphors and imagery and let the story take place before you, and edit it later(if you need help, just ask us, we can help!), and that's that!

The next is the first few lines were capitalized then the latter ones were not, and I would suggest sticking a method and sticking to it, you don't have to have them capitalized.

Anyway, I think that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped. it has potential!

Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.

Sincerely, GooseLuck!