***I wrote this after watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy, and I wrote it rather quickly. It was just for fun, so I didn't go back and proof it!***
Kendra was quiet, for once. Kendra was never quiet, but she was now. Usually she needed things in her hands, a stuffed animal, a toy, whatever. But she was quiet. The whole room was quiet, everything but the buzz of the air conditioner and the faint tangle of voices that lingered outside the window.
“Miss Lawrence?”
The word ‘miss’ was a new concept for me. I had spent the first twenty six years of my life answering to it. During the last four, my new title of ‘Mrs.’ had drawn me into some sort of false sense of security, a new identity, something that was so concrete in words it was almost tangible. I had grown used to it, it had grown into my name, my whole existance. I wasn’t ready to let that go.
“Miss Lawrence.”
The doctor was growing impatient. She was rolling her pen back and fourth between her fingers, her mouth drawn to a tight line. To her, I was just another person she had to deal with before moving onto the next. I’m sure we all just blended together to her. Everyone blends together at some point.
My thumbs danced around, inside the cage of fingers I had made for them. I was holding them back, I was holding myself back, my thumbs, my feelings. I didn’t want Kendra to see me cry anymore that she already had. “I didn’t know they take the eyes from bodies.”
“They can help blinded people get their sight back,” The doctor offered, brushing my sorrow off her white coat with more urgency than she would brush off a blood stain. She didn’t care. She was a lab coat, I was an apron. Why would she pity me?
“Okay,” I said. She pushed me a peice of paper and the pen that had kept her sane through our conversation, and tapped the line I was meant to sign. I did it without reading the contract.
Kendra was too young to understand what was happening. Too young to understand that I had just signed away her daddy’s eyes, and his lungs, his heart, anything that sustained the smallest amout of life in him. She couldn’t understand that his brain, the cluster of cells that made him everything that he was, was going to end up in a cooler sitting on a bed of ice. His skin was going to be peeled off his body, grafted onto another, without a thought of who her daddy used to be, what that skin had touched. Every breath that passed in and out of his lungs would belong to another person, some other air, a whole different life.
The White Coat took the paper and the pen back from me, and I brought my thumb to my teeth. I had started biting my nails, recently. Nervous habit, I suppose.
She thanked me, assured me that he was going to save a lot of lives, and left the room.
***
“Miss Lawrence?”
I was getting impatient. I didn’t want to let her know, but the pen between my fingers probably gave me away. Did this woman not understand I had things to do? Lives to save? She was selfish, twiddling her thumbs, staring at the table in front of her.
I’m an understanding person. I can understand that she just lost her husband and that the impact on her was extreme. But life goes on, and her husband’s body parts could save another person.
Impatient. Irratible. Restless.
“Miss Lawrence,” I repeated, with more conviction this time. She snapped out of her haze, her eyes darting up to meet mine.
“I didn’t know they take the eyes from bodies,” Her eyes drifted back down to her thumbs, white-knuckled and frail. The edges of her nailbeds were red and raw from weeks of her picking at them.
I mustered up as much tolerance as I could, and set the pen on top of the papers before me. “They can help blinded people get their sight back.”
Her eyes, unsettled and fleeting, floated from me, then to the papers, back at her hands, and then to her daughter.
“Okay.”
I slide her the paper and pen, and showed her where to sign. She didn’t bother reading anything, and pushed the contract back at me in disgust when she was finished. I took the papers back from her, and thanked her.
“He’s going to save a lot of lives,” I said, trying to sound assuring. Her thumb was in her mouth, the crude edges being nibbled away.
She had the look on her face that a lot of people had, knitted eyebrows and watery puppy-dog eyes. I stopped feeling bad for them a long time ago. Abandon you emotions. Thats how I’d been taught.
She never responed, just continued to gnaw at her nailbeds. An eroded human, as we all end up, inevitabley. I managed to close the door quietly on my way out.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
gracevan here for a review!! Okay I actually love this premise. It's a real eye opener first of all, and you've done a great job in making the same situation feel two different ways.
I love the bit about "miss" versus "mrs." and the whole "security" part of that. That was lovely.
and I actually disagree with ElizabethLovelace about the part where the wife describes what would happen to his organs. Although it is pretty detailed and informed medically, I think it is also pretty personal and really lets us feel her grieving over the fact that her husband is gone and all of the tangible things that used to be him will now be part of someone else.
There really isn't much for me to critique here, it has just enough information for us to know what is going on without clogging up the piece with irrelevant background. One thing I will say though is that opening up talking about Kendra made me think that she was the main character, and it was written in third person so it took me a while to catch on to the fact that we are focusing on her mother. Maybe bring Kendra in at the end of that paragraph and describing the silence of the room first.
"The whole room was quiet, everything but the buzz of the air conditioner and the faint tangle of voices that lingered outside the window. Even Kendra was quiet. Kendra was never quiet, but she was now. Usually she needed...."
you get the idea. just a bit of rearranging that might make it easier to read but it's totally up to you.
Overall this was a super enjoyable read with lots of well thought out figurative language. I loved it.
Hey there km1717. It's just Lizzy dropping by real quick, so without a further ado, let the reviewing begin.
I just want to note something about this review really quick. I had to be on mobile for this and I couldn't get copy/paste to work, so I won't be putting any quotes below. Instead I'll just give you the paragraph number for my comments. Hopefully that will work okay. Well guess I better actually get on with the review now.
The author's note at the top was a nice addition because who did explain your inspiration for this story somewhat. Usually I would recommend putting author's notes at the bottom but I think the current formatting route is pretty good. You already put it in italics so yay someone has a clue after all. Now that I think about it, it really goes much better at the top rather than the bottom, if you want to finish out the emotional ending. And obviously from the way this was written, you did.
It was very different to read a story from two different perspectives right next to each other. Some stories like this that I've seen, haven't placed the two povs side by side. But when you do it in this format it is much easier to compare the two pieces. I don't know of distracting is the word or not because it does become hard after a bit to read through. And by this I mean the repetition not any saddening emotions. The stories just seem to follow too closely together and if this is truly two viewpoints, o think you should try and make them differ a bit more.
One thing that only helped to confuse the viewpoints, is when you got to the description of what would happen to his organs. I know you were trying to write this as the grieving wife trying to explain everything to herself but it just didn't work. The way everything was described was like it was from the medical standpoint. It was like she hadn't broken down any of the information into her own form at all. I personally disliked this part because it seems so out of character for the wife.
At first I thought the part about 'lab coats and aprons' was meant as a joke to lighten the mood of the whole story. Then I thought about it for three minutes while o finished the story and had some deep thoughts. So before I thought it was a joke but now it sounds like something much darker. And something that needs no explanation for anyone to get the point. I'm not sure what to say now because it seems like something universally understood. I hope you understand what I was trying to say her.
Well I guess that's about all I have for this review. Hopefully one of these comments will prove to be useful to you.
Have a nice day.
Happy RevMo.
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs
Hey I thought I'd give this a review! Everyone's always telling me to watch Grey's Anatomy. Maybe I should
! So basically, I'm just going to list my observations as I read through and hope I can help ya out 
.
. Well done!
... Oh actually you kinda clarified it a little with "signing away her daddy's eyes" - so I guess she is the mother?
" I was getting impatient." you say the doctor is impatient in the first section too. So as a reader, we already know that, and the repetition of it is a little pointless. So maybe change the wording or describe her impatience..to show something new 
!
1) "Usually she needed things in her hands, a stuffed animal, a toy, whatever" -- you've done a good job of suggesting her age to the reader. Probably a young child. I like how you showed her age, rather than straight out telling us
2) "The word ‘miss’ was a new concept for me." --.. I feel like you should say "title" rather than "word" .. and then put a capital letter in "Miss".
3)"My thumbs danced around, inside the cage of fingers I had made for them." -- I'm not sure if it's just me but I didn't understand this phrase
4) "She was a lab coat, I was an apron. " That made me chuckle
5) I'm confused as to who Miss Lawrence is, I think you should clarify this at the beginning of the story somehow. I thought she was the mother of Kendra..But your phrase about the apron made me think whether she was a nurse or something. Someone with lower status than the doctor. I'm just kinda confused
6) " I had started biting my nails, recently. Nervous habit, I suppose." -- I like your phrasing
7) I like your switch in perspective.. The upset mother contrasting with the cold doctor.
9) I like this bit "She had the look on her face that a lot of people had, knitted eyebrows and watery puppy-dog eyes. I stopped feeling bad for them a long time ago. Abandon you emotions. Thats how I’d been taught."
So overall, couldn't spot any spelling errors. I enjoyed reading this and really like your writing style. You made the switch in perspective rather realistic and I like how you repeated the same situation. Well done! Keep writing, and hope I could help
Lauren