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125,012 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
I'm baaack!
So what I said in chapter one holds here as well, only I'm just a little more confused. xD I can't tell where the plot is anymore. HOWEVER, this is partially my fault as well. I'm so confused, I'm just skimming now to find something interesting. This isn't a good sign, and I think I know exactly why this is happening.
First thing I want to mention is that the action sequences can be sooo much more suspenseful. I mean, there is some serious potential with what you can do with these. So much possibility in characterization and plot. How does the character fight? What do they fight with? What goes on in their head? What kind of personality do they have and how does it affect their fighting? And remember that action sequences fully depend on the characters' actions. Dialogue too, probably. But mostly actions. Right now, it just seems too.. it tells us too much! It doesn't show us the fight like a movie would. Action sequences can be really hard to write, so it'll take practice to figure something out. But since your novel is fully dependent on the actions of these assassins, play around with the style in those scenes.
Now the characters are all getting mixed up, and this can be fixed with making them more memorable. Right now, they all just sound the same, and that's what's getting me confused. I'm just reading each one as they come. I'm not excited to read about any particular character, and when it comes to stories about these teams of characters, the reader has to relate to at least one of them and REALLY look forward to when they read more of them. Does that make sense? Kinda like.. have you seen Lost, the TV show? It jumps from character to character, but there's always that one character the viewer just really wants to follow all the time. Then there's another character they just don't give a care for but it's important to the plot anyway. Your story's kind of like that, so the characters will just need some beefing up. Who's the nerdy one? The clever one? The leader? The violent one? The cheerful one? etc. It's okay to stereotype your characters to better understand who they are. *does this* xD
On the bright side though, your story is definitely turning into something. It's being developed into that complicated plot you were talking about, and it definitely requires paying attention by the reader. I aaalways enjoy those kinds of movies (seriously consider the script idea, at this point), and I think your novel could be just as interesting. But play with the style, and introduce your characters in a more pleasing way.
Keep writing!
Jabber, the One and Only!
character mix up still -- memorable?
Keep it up!
~FW~
This is very good chapter. I cannot wait to read more. I am curious to where this story is leading too. Not to mention I want to know what happens haha. Good luck and Keep up the awesome work ^^ Hope you update soon!!!! Best wishes. I can't seem to find any mistakes at this moment but I'm trying to do a lot in little time; I'll go over this more thoroughly tonight ^^ Happy Writing!!!!!!!!!!!
Soulkana<3