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Young Writers Society



OKay inspiration...

by kjr5horses


Sorry Inspiration just hit me! So I wrote this on YWS....its not any good though, at least that's what I think...

Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,

It cannot be stained,
Taken away,
Or tarnished,

It can be misplaced at times,
Falsely thought of,
And yes even hated,

But love is everlasting,
Nothing can break it,
You cannot fall out of it,

If one was to say,
“I was once in love,
But I am no longer in it”,

Then they were never in it,
The word love,
Is misused often,

We use it almost,
If not,
Every single day,


The word itself,
Has become overused,
And called generic,

But love is not that,
It goes on,
And is not generic nor cliché,

No it is something,
For everyone if they only look for it,
In the right place of course,

Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,

It cannot be quenched,
Nor can any river,
Overflow it.


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Fri May 27, 2011 3:15 am
kjr5horses says...



I know its scattered, lol. I was in a hurry to write it before bed! :) My fingers just went crazy on me. I know its....well not good and jumps around etc...

KJR




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Fri May 27, 2011 1:04 am
mollycarraway wrote a review...



Ok, so here's my take on this piece. I think you started and ended it REALLY well. I always prefer poems that don't focus on details and drown you in similes and metaphors, but instead are simple, and state small and meaningful truths. The beginning and ending of your poem did exactly that. However, the middle I feel is where you lost your inspiration and started floundering a bit. It also got a slight bit redundant. I would say that you should rework the middle stanzas, from "If one was to say..." to "In the right place, of course." Some of those lines were golden, but as a whole, it didn't quite flow so well. I think, though, once you rewrite those few stanza's, you're good to go. This was a great start! Keep up the good work!!




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Thu May 26, 2011 10:43 pm
freewritersavvy wrote a review...



Galerius, that was unnecessary, pointless, unhelpful, somewhat rude and to be honest simply annoying! (Especially considering this was posted in 'other poetry'. 'Other' is a style where there is no style. ANYTHING GOES!)

KJR, this poem is rather scattered but with some tweaking it could be really good (most of your poems are). However, I like the way you represent your point. It comes across very well despite the lack of description. I would drop the repeated stanzas as they don't really add to the quality of your poem.
Hmm... and I must make note of the fact that you have allot of 'it's in your poem. Could you re-word it so that there are fewer of them? Just a thought.....

Over all I liked the concept.

Keep writing,
~FW~

(Even if this poem is a bit off, I still think you are very good at poetry.)




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Thu May 26, 2011 8:07 pm
kjr5horses says...



This is just something that popped into my head after reading something, and I just wrote this down. Its kinda based on a few books I'm reading and a book I'm writing :/

Anyways, It is just something that popped into my head!




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Thu May 26, 2011 8:03 pm
Galerius wrote a review...



Hi kjr5horses,

They say half the battle is knowing, and it looks like you're right in that this poem isn't any good.

But love is not that,It goes on,


Much like this piece itself. On and on and on and on and on. My advice is to stop pretending that you can paternally impart upon your audience the metastatizing influence of love. Instead, kick this thing into the recycle bin, take out a brilliant white sheet of paper, and start over. No concept exists in a void, and the same is true of "love". So what other ideas does it relate and connect to? What images? What descriptions?

Until you answer those questions, you will never get past this aimless rut that your ignorant narrator seems to be in.

Hope that helped,
Galerius




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Thu May 26, 2011 8:03 pm
lele253isme says...



Nice I like it!! For a poem that just popped into your head, its pretty good. keep on writing!!!




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Thu May 26, 2011 7:54 pm
Sassykat wrote a review...



This was nice. It had meaning to it: you took what would normally be a cliche and made it new and fresh, and beautiful! Just one thing, I think that the repetition of

Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,


Is a little unnecessary. Unless you are going to repeat other stanzas, too, it will only make readers think, "Wait, didn't she already say that?"
You might also want to work on punctuation just a little, but I don't think that's really an issue.





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