I know its scattered, lol. I was in a hurry to write it before bed! My fingers just went crazy on me. I know its....well not good and jumps around etc...
KJR
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Sorry Inspiration just hit me! So I wrote this on YWS....its not any good though, at least that's what I think...
Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,
It cannot be stained,
Taken away,
Or tarnished,
It can be misplaced at times,
Falsely thought of,
And yes even hated,
But love is everlasting,
Nothing can break it,
You cannot fall out of it,
If one was to say,
“I was once in love,
But I am no longer in it”,
Then they were never in it,
The word love,
Is misused often,
We use it almost,
If not,
Every single day,
The word itself,
Has become overused,
And called generic,
But love is not that,
It goes on,
And is not generic nor cliché,
No it is something,
For everyone if they only look for it,
In the right place of course,
Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,
It cannot be quenched,
Nor can any river,
Overflow it.
I know its scattered, lol. I was in a hurry to write it before bed! My fingers just went crazy on me. I know its....well not good and jumps around etc...
KJR
Ok, so here's my take on this piece. I think you started and ended it REALLY well. I always prefer poems that don't focus on details and drown you in similes and metaphors, but instead are simple, and state small and meaningful truths. The beginning and ending of your poem did exactly that. However, the middle I feel is where you lost your inspiration and started floundering a bit. It also got a slight bit redundant. I would say that you should rework the middle stanzas, from "If one was to say..." to "In the right place, of course." Some of those lines were golden, but as a whole, it didn't quite flow so well. I think, though, once you rewrite those few stanza's, you're good to go. This was a great start! Keep up the good work!!
Galerius, that was unnecessary, pointless, unhelpful, somewhat rude and to be honest simply annoying! (Especially considering this was posted in 'other poetry'. 'Other' is a style where there is no style. ANYTHING GOES!)
KJR, this poem is rather scattered but with some tweaking it could be really good (most of your poems are). However, I like the way you represent your point. It comes across very well despite the lack of description. I would drop the repeated stanzas as they don't really add to the quality of your poem.
Hmm... and I must make note of the fact that you have allot of 'it's in your poem. Could you re-word it so that there are fewer of them? Just a thought.....
Over all I liked the concept.
Keep writing,
~FW~
(Even if this poem is a bit off, I still think you are very good at poetry.)
This is just something that popped into my head after reading something, and I just wrote this down. Its kinda based on a few books I'm reading and a book I'm writing :/
Anyways, It is just something that popped into my head!
Hi kjr5horses,
They say half the battle is knowing, and it looks like you're right in that this poem isn't any good.
But love is not that,It goes on,
Nice I like it!! For a poem that just popped into your head, its pretty good. keep on writing!!!
This was nice. It had meaning to it: you took what would normally be a cliche and made it new and fresh, and beautiful! Just one thing, I think that the repetition of
Love it is said,
Cannot be bought,
No matter what is offered,
Points: 1838
Reviews: 31
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