Published February 21, 2011
Note- I wrote this about 2 years back for school, rip it to shreds if you want!
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Canary word: Present
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
This is an excellent poem with a great premise and description. The first stanza was very well written and it showed really good language and skill. I greatly enjoyed reading this. Great job and keep the ink flowing!
Thanks everyone! Yes I dug this piece up when I was cleaning out my computer t a couple of years old I had to come up with it at the end of class, in only 15 minutes so it is rough!
I prefer to write novels though lol! The one that I am working on is just a rough draft now and needs work, anyways I hope to be able to get on more when school is over!
I am however writing like a storm over here so when I have enough time and points I will post some things on here!
wow, i liked it. Sort of like the end of a fairy tale with the knight in shining armour's different ending. I liked the choice of vocabulary there and the topic chosen is one rarley used very different. Well done
Hi there. Lavvi in to review.
It's just the way it's written, and the topic of the narrative. Kind of a knight-hero thing going on. And I'm not saying that it's bad. Few people still write like this, and it was cool. You've really got a way with words, and it's jumbled in a confusing mess either. It's understandable, thank God 
this really reminded me of a formal type of poetry writing. The first things that popped into my head were the names Shakespeare and Tennyson
I'm not sure the last line really fits. I think the rhythm must be off a little bit. But then, I may be wrong. It might help to read it aloud
Yours,
Lavvi
Hiya! :) I'm Rachael!
I feel like this line disrupts the rhythm of the poem a bit. Maybe adding "the" before "Most High" would make it better. Yeah, I definitely think that keeps with the rhythm. Just an opinion, though. :)
I love this poem. I like the story that you tell and the words that you use. They don't sound forced or meaningless to the story; they just add on to it. Great job here! I hope you keep posting more!
This was pretty good, the only thing is that I really didn't get much of a message so much as an observation. It isn't needed to have some kind of meaning, but it seems like it helps to add layers in poetry, especially when it's narrative. Still, this isn't bad at all. Even though it's a little rough here and there, it's got a unique tone and rhythm.
Keep writing,
StoryWeaver
Hey
This isn't half bad, in fact it's rather good actually! I really like it because it's very original and it's thoughtful. Good job
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