My cousin said something once to me.
"Everybody worships."
And I realized it's true.
He worshipped god,
others worship love,
and I worshipped you.
I couldn't live without you.
I couldn't breathe when I was with you.
but not because of love,
because of fear.
Because I was so afraid of what you'd do to me.
I worshipped you like a god,
one that was cruel and punishing.
One whose beauty did not reach their heart,
one who had only darkness there.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,521 Literary Works • 672,595 Reviews
Hey so this is ABSOLUTELY stunning, but wow, it’s so heavy and heartbreaking. You did really good job with building up the tension! Starting with that quote from the cousin sets such a reflective tone, and the twist from "worshipping you" out of love to realizing it was actually out of pure fear genuinely gave me chillllss.
That line "one that was cruel and punishing" gave me an image of a toxic relationship. The only tiny thing I noticed is a quick typo in the second to last line—it should probably be "whose beauty" instead of "who's beauty". (but if you meant that, it’s absolutely fine!!) Other than that, the emotional pacing is perfect, and the contrast between devotion and fear is well-done. If this is something you went through, i hope your alright now and it takes guts to write something this raw and honest.
Thanks for reviewing!
Hi twinn I'm backkkk. Let's get reviewing shall we?
Comparing your love for [redacted gulp] to worshiping a god, is a great way to show how much you loved them. For the first to sentances, it's a call back from what a relative has said before, mentioning something being recalled from the past is a good way to settle realization into one's mind (Help I'm so crine lmao)
Showing that you both loved them (as not living without them), while also showing that you were scared of them (afraid what they would do to you), shows a powerful imagry that you wanted to love them, but were scared of upsetting or bothering them.
Showing that they were both beautiful, and cruel, can bring mind (help I keep saying that lmao) to them taking advantage of their beauty, to get what they wanted.
Anygays I'm so crine twin </3
Aww why so crine twin?
It's so saddening how many people go through this everyday, it's daunting especially the simplistic but direct way in which you describe it. I was reading this poem initially thinking it's about love when I read about worship (which by the way is an interesting way to describe fear) until suddenly it shifted to the second half and certainly dark part of the poem which interestingly is also how a relationship sometimes regresses into something as messed up at this without the person realising. It is definitely in my opinion an interesting take on a theme as such.
Hope you're okay, keep writing!
Thanks for reviewing! yes, I'm mostly okay now, I got out of the relationship
I'm glad (%u2060%u2022%u2060%u203F%u2060%u2022%u2060)
hi. majuli here.
this is a serious yet simple poem. i love how theres so many references to "god". how quickly people tend to idolize or worship.
if this poem is based on a personal experience i hope you're okay now.
the words are so simple and fluid, but it still portrays feelings beautiful.
keep writing, and thank you for sharing your art.
Thanks for reviewing! it was based on personal experience, but I'm mostly out now, and surviving lol
Are you getting abused! Sorry but my parents said if I ever see a sign I should always ask. My sign (I couldn't breathe when I was with you. /But not because of love, /because of fear. /Because I was so afraid of what you'd do to me.) If you're not, then good.
I love the rhythm it so good. Like I didn't understand it at first but read it again and understood which brought me to the conclusion at the top. Anyway, my favorite line (One who's beauty did not reach their heart, /one who had only darkness there.) Just wow A+ material. I'm impressed with the whole poem.
Can't wait to read more of your things. Keep writing.
TYSM! I was in an earlier relationship, but it's over now, even though his actions have still scarred me, but i'll be okay! thanks for asking!
happy to now
I like this poem a lot! Towards the middle, with the lines “and I worshipped you. / I couldn't live without you. / I couldn't breathe when I was with you.” it makes it seem like this is a sweet and romantic poem about being in love. Then, with the next lines, there’s the twist!
It was unexpected for me reading the last few lines. What a wonderful poem! Keep up the great work!
Thank you!