Published August 15, 2010
Noise is all I hear...
For the sake of my sanity I need you near,
What once was my heart is now stone cold.
I am not made of steel but I can be bold.
I remember the screams and the scars you left on me.
When I knew you knew better you kept telling it to yourself.
Now all I hear is silence-
Begging for the nightmares to go away...
I need help; they are now gone.
But still I remember when it was yesterday...
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141,622 Literary Works • 675,235 Reviews
I agree with smashles. You start your poem with one separate line and then there is three line para. Also, another para is four lined and you end the poem up with two other separate lines.
The meaning of the poem is good, and somewhere I like the rhyme too, but that is something I found problem with. Well, you can improve it in another trial, good luck!
-Chetan
This was a pretty good poem. Something that really bugged me about it, though, was that the first verse rhymed and the second one didn't. You need to make it consistant so it doesn't sound silly. I loved the first verse it really captured a picture.
This is by far my favourite line
Apart from that, it's a very good poem and I think you should keep working at it!
Keep writing,
Smashles