It seemed like now everything in my life was a lie, it was all wrong. Jane was forgotten, she was missed by only me. I cannot fathom a reason for her things to be here, in a dusty old room in a box sealed up and put away.
So many questions raced through my mind, so many things and not enough time. But most of them all lied in a picture signed by Matthew and Jane herself. Who was Matthew ? A brother I never knew about ? I doubt it. A friend of Jane’s? Possible. Jane’s killer? I had to find out. I dug through another box and found a small black book. I opened it and found all sorts of writing, pictures, numbers. I was looking for something more specific, I flipped through pages of the book until I found what I was looking for.
There was about ten pages filled with phone numbers and address’s. I looked for a Matthew and I found about five of them. Matthew Langlois, Matthew O’ Conner, Matthew Dale, Matthew Fisher, and just a Matthew. No last name, just Matthew with hearts by his name. I saw a address, it was four homes down from mine. I had to wait until night when my parents would get home, after dinner I’ll tell them I had to get homework notes from a friend next door.
Once I did that I’d leave, I’d leave on the hunt to find Matthew. The unknown boy my sister loved. Or maybe my sisters killer.
My parents arrived home and found me there. Just in time because my school called and said I was absent, I had to fake my mothers voice like I do sometimes and said I just had a bad head ache and that I’d be back tomorrow. The plan worked out perfectly, I left the house at around seven o’ clock and set off to Matthews home. I marched up to the house and rang the door bell. The guy who answered was about eighteen easy. Clean cut, dark clothes, black hair. He looked like trouble, I could’t imagine my sister liking someone like this. He screamed evil.
But he didn't’t when he saw me, a complete look of shock crossed his face has he appraised me, from shock to horror to confusion back to shock then to sad. It looked like he was going to cry right in front of me. But then stopped, he frowned as he looked me over I decide it was enough of the stand off. It’s time we talked.
“Are you Matthew ?” I asked with distaste.
“What’s it to you?” he said with a smirk.
“Well….” I said backtracking, all sign of remorse was cut clean off his face but something was off in his eyes, “ I know something that I want you to help me with.”
“Hope you not selling cookies, little girl, ‘cause I can’t help you there. Now run along before the creepers come out to play.” he scoffed and started to close the door.
“It’s about my sister, Jane Carter. I believe she knew you, seemed like she favored you a bit.”
He seemed to stop for a minute and then collapsed to his knees. He put his hands in his blond hair and gasped, “Jane! I knew you’d come back!” But he wasn’t talking to me. He was talking to someone next to me, clear as night as she was day I finally-in over nine years- heard my sister laugh. It was a beautiful sounding thing, like a bird singing in the morning.
A lot happened in that time frame. I found out who Matthew was, Jane’s old boy friend. Jane was there with him the night of the crash. Jane herself needed to rest in peace but something held her here. A tiny spark in my imagination wondered if she was still here because of Matthew. Or some higher reason.
The question I wanted to ask would have to wait until tomorrow night when my parents were asleep. I had to free Jane from this world. I just didn’t know how. Matthew would help but we would need more people. So I got out Jane’s phonebook and Matthew would get the names of the others who were in the car wreck. There were six people in the car. Jane and Matthew among them. Four were alive, all I had to do was find them. They were everywhere around this city. Once I found them I’m sure they would help. They had to, Jane needed all the help she could get. So once again I went out on the hunt for the unknown.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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It was probably confusing because you didn't read the other chapters. They will most likely answer your other questions.
It was a good start, but as you went on I grew confused, especially here:
From what I got out of this, Jane came back as a ghost or something and her sister wants to help her leave this world by looking for the others who were in the car crash.
I think you need to slow down and not make this such an info dump. There were a lot of question left unanswered. Can she see Jane? Can she talk to her? Why can Matthew communicate with her? What does Jane really want?
One thing you can do to reveal all this is to have Matthew reveal things through dialogue. He and the MC can have a conversation about what's going on. This will allow us to get to know him and the story.
Slow down, take your time revealing details, and this will be great. It's a good idea and your characters are very realistic.