Published April 23, 2010
Only in my dreams we will be together,
this is an agonizing thought to have.
Your lips my are biggest weakness,
your love is not such tender as I'd care.
Your sigh is like a bird's flapping wing.
Your hair black as night,
oh holy angels sing!
I cannot confess my love to you first hand,
only in my dreams I can.
I may not have feelings as you feel for me,
this sonnet is beautiful as you are to me.
Too bad this is only in my dreams.
As we hold hands,
irrevocably my heart stops beating.
I'd walk through fire and drown in water to see you one more time.
Me, myself, and I must say this,
and I am not scared.
As I walk up to you,
I smile and say....
'I kissed you, only in my dreams.'
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I corrected my mistakes. I suppose I did not re-read over everything, thanks to both of you!
I think you should put 'will' before 'we', it sounds a little less awkward.
'A' should be 'an'.
Your lips ARE my biggest weakness.
"bird's. The apostrophe should be in the word, if it is singular, which I think it is since you put "like a birds'.
This line makes no sense to me. Maybe you meant to put 'I may not be as feeling as you are for me"?
'To' should be 'too'.
"Me, myself, and I must say this" might sound better.
This is a good poem; I just fixed your grammatical errors xD
Pretty good, but I have a few nitpicks.
"I may not feeling as you feel for me,this sonnet is beautiful as you are to me."
?????? I may not feeling? I think you may have to RE-PHRASE that!!!!
"Too bad this is only in my dreams."
You need to change to - TOO!! WITH 2 Os. (Hahaha I just used 3 tos in two sentences. hehehe)
"this is aN agonizing thought to have."
You must have an in front of any word that has a VOWEL!
"Your sigh is like a bird's flapping wing."
I'm assuming that you're talking about one bird, so you have to edit the punctuation there.
Overall, a nice romantic poem.
-Jane