Only one bite can suspend you from death into eternity. Only he could have saved me from this life, since he did I am changed, from something plain, into something extraordinary. Immortal…
Chapter 1
Day breaks on this cold winter again, and it’s been doing this for almost 100 years, my skin is still smooth, not frail or ugly. I am hunting tonight with my love, my life, my soul mate. He is the one who changed me, sick on my death bed, bruised with scars from my step fathers drunken ways. Emotionally scared because of my mothers death. Left alone with no one. My father left before I was born, I had no aunts or uncles to look after me. But now that the past was behind me I was free. To live as I pleased with the only one I wanted to be with, Zachary.
The fair-haired boy with stunning dark blue eyes hardly ever smiled, his mortal life was far worse than mine. He never talked about it, never did I ask. I didn’t want to know. As long as we were both close to happy then we were. And we are.
Tonight is the beginning of the new millennium, we shall hunt at midnight. Once we are fed we must go into hiding, migrate to a new country. Disguise ourselves into mortals, shape shifters some old legends called us. We can take form as human or wolf. We hunt in a pack of five, we sometimes separate into groups of one, but we are mostly called a clan. We feed off blood, anything with blood we’ll drink.
There is Star, Melanie, Fredric, and Zachary and I, Isabella Marie. We do not speak much, only hunt together and protect each other. But today, we are all moving to the land of the free, America. It’s always uncertain about the roads that lie ahead of us. But as long as Zachary and I are together we are fine.
We are thieves in the night. We hunt and prey on innocent people for their clothing while in our human form. I must say I do enjoy killing, but it’s more fun getting away with it. We swim from place to place in search of new prey.
Okay this isn't finished yet, my PC locked down and deleting most of the other chapters I wrote so I'm sorry if it didn't end like you hoped it would have, not my fault! I'll post more soon, tell me if you like it.
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125,013 Literary Works • 672,844 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
OKay..an interesting little description to get things started there. It looks like someone that appears to be setting out on a bit of a journey here at the start with someone that they love quite a bit judging from the depth that the description goes into there. In fact the little touch of backtory built up there seems enough that I'm already worried something bad may happen here.
Aand that kind of took off in an entirely different reaction to where I thought this was going here....well well..we've got some sort of vampire, or more accurately werewolf situation happening here although the forms of wolf and human and drawing blood sounds like a combination of the two. It certainly is really intriguing there, cause there's a lot to impact in those two paragraphs.
Well, that ending sounded a lot more dark than I thought it was going to. It looks like this little group here has to hunt and kill in order to survive and whether they avoid killing humans is on very shaky ground here....so I've no idea whether to support them or start to fear them here. You seem to be trying to humanize their feelings here but they do seem very dangerous too. All in all though, a very exciting start here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Sorry about the confusion, I should have put in there that my PC shut down on further writing of mine for my work on this. So sorry about that, I've been trying to put the pieces together again, thanks for understanding!
Hey kitrosemon!
Now, I'm a bit confused... is it werewolves? Vampires? Some kind of beasts? Or just weird Immortals? Please clarify this in the next chapter/this one.
I've found some little mistakes..
It's her step father's drunken ways.
Do you mean afraid or 'scarred'?
Your sentences, they are confusing me a little bit. Sometimes, you're doing run-ons and sometimes you could put sentences together. It's choppy, yet still rambling on with different ideas. I know.. it's hard to get the mood just right sometimes but maybe you want to review just to make it flow a bit better
The plot isn't uncovered yet, it's really short so we just get an overview of the whole thing, but I am looking forward to it. Please write more soon!
Keep writing!
-Truth-
Alright so,
Vampires? Really?
Unless, they aren't vampires. You should make the race clear.
As for your piece, there isn't much the review. It's just some background information, giving me nothing on your MC's or your plot to reivew.
Write On
~WickedWonder
(Oh, and, if they are Vampires, you're gonna have to work extra hard to make sure your plot is totally your own.)
Hi there.
I didn't see any mistakes, congratulations! But the story... It's a little cliche, I can't lie. The little you've post is not enough to have a good idea of what the plot is. Yes, she's some sort of werewolf, and she's with her lover, also a werewolf. That's about everything I know... I can't review on so little. Your writing is great though.
PM me when you have more, okay? So I can do a real review.
Keep writing!
-Other One